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  • Father In Law is a bit weird?

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    Old 04-24-2019, 11:43 AM   #1
    LemonLime93
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    Father In Law is a bit weird?

    I just recently met my father in law for the first time about two weeks ago. He seems to be very “open” and “vulgar” when he’s talking. He blatantly talks about a woman’s body and makes other sexual jokes. So when I was over there I had turned off something and said “Oh? It vibrates?” And my FIL said “Oh come on don’t act like you’ve never used a vibrator before” and I was taken aback. Am I over reacting or does anyone else have a FIL like this? I would think he would want to make a good impression and keep those kind of comments to himself but I guess not. What should I do? Thanks

     
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    Old 04-24-2019, 12:22 PM   #2
    yayagirl
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    Dear LemonLime,

    I suggest first that you understand that he is who he is and that your husband cannot control him. I wish I had learned about my in laws before I married into the family, mainly so I would have known in advance. but that didn't happen with me either.

    Please do not allow how he is to disturb your relationship with your husband. It isn't hubbie's fault his father is crass & rude.

    Once you have a grasp on that, discuss with your husband how to handle this. The two of you can come up with solutions you both live with. If he will not control his mouth you can arrange to never be around him. But don't let this interfere with your marriage. This kind of thing can cause hard feelings on all sides and get out of hand. As much as you can, don't let it go that far.
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    Old 04-24-2019, 01:22 PM   #3
    LemonLime93
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    Thank you for your response. I dont ever take it out on my husband. We’ve talked about it and he says he that’s just how his dad is. I just don’t understand why he would say these things around his daughter in law. Maybe it’s not for me to understand.

     
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    Old 04-24-2019, 01:35 PM   #4
    yayagirl
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    Dear LemonLime,

    Maybe he doesn't know why he talks that way, himself.

    I mean we could guess all kinds of things, but to me it is a lack of good manners.
    There are a lot of people like that.
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    Old 04-24-2019, 09:26 PM   #5
    quincy
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    He sounds like a pig and a bully....I think it's best to stay away from him completely.

    And yes...you need to understand the why. It's not about manners...he really seems to know what he's doing, and with purpose and absolutely telling you he has no respect for you. If you ever have children, you need to consider that above all else.
    Did he talk to his wife that way?

    No consideration or leeway on this.....for oh so many reasons.

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    Old 04-24-2019, 10:07 PM   #6
    LemonLime93
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    I’ve met him when his wife was at work so I have no idea how he talks to her. I was just so taken aback as to why he would say this to his daughter in law.

     
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    Old 04-25-2019, 01:11 AM   #7
    yayagirl
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    Dear LemonLime93,

    Evidently he enjoys the shock value at your expense.
    It is a disgusting way to get attention.

    That he behaves this way with you now it will only get worse as he gets comfortable.
    This needs to be nipped in the bud.
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    Old 04-25-2019, 03:41 AM   #8
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    Honestly, it sounds like you are just getting to know the man. Maybe he is nervous so he is making in appropriate jokes...give it a second time. If it continues, maybe you can simply ASK him to stop.

    You are going to be married to his son hopefully forever, it is YOUR job to stand up to him and let him know you are uncomfortable- don't cause problems with your husband- take it on yourself. If it doesn't stop, thats another story- but give the guy a chance to realize he is offensive before you start fighting with anyone. Whatever you do, speak up. If you don't speak up, he will think its OK to do this.

    Good luck.
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    Old 04-25-2019, 04:11 AM   #9
    Titchou
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    He does it because he was raised to believe it was OK.No one has impressed upon him that it isn't. In today's climate of the Me Too movement it isn't surprising. I've know several men over the years - I'm 73- who talked this way. You just need to speak up the next time it happens and say " Mr.Smith, I'd appreciate it if you would keep those types of comments to yourself. It's not appropriate in our relationship."

     
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    Old 04-25-2019, 08:49 AM   #10
    quincy
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    If your finance is in the room/area when it happens, he should also set the boundary, but if he doesn't then you would have to make the decision to do so if you want it to stop.

    Im going to add that some people on the sociopath scale play that way....not saying he is, but the family dynamics seems an eyeopener.

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    Old 04-25-2019, 09:21 AM   #11
    LemonLime93
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by yayagirl View Post
    Dear LemonLime93,

    Evidently he enjoys the shock value at your expense.
    It is a disgusting way to get attention.

    That he behaves this way with you now it will only get worse as he gets comfortable.
    This needs to be nipped in the bud.
    I agree. He does seem like an attention seeker.

     
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    Old 04-25-2019, 09:23 AM   #12
    LemonLime93
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MSNik View Post
    Honestly, it sounds like you are just getting to know the man. Maybe he is nervous so he is making in appropriate jokes...give it a second time. If it continues, maybe you can simply ASK him to stop.

    You are going to be married to his son hopefully forever, it is YOUR job to stand up to him and let him know you are uncomfortable- don't cause problems with your husband- take it on yourself. If it doesn't stop, thats another story- but give the guy a chance to realize he is offensive before you start fighting with anyone. Whatever you do, speak up. If you don't speak up, he will think its OK to do this.

    Good luck.
    It has happened a second time now. I’m not confrontational at all,that’s why I’m a bit scared to speak up but I will. It’s very annoying. Thank you

     
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    Old 04-25-2019, 09:25 AM   #13
    LemonLime93
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by quincy View Post
    If your finance is in the room/area when it happens, he should also set the boundary, but if he doesn't then you would have to make the decision to do so if you want it to stop.

    Im going to add that some people on the sociopath scale play that way....not saying he is, but the family dynamics seems an eyeopener.

    q
    Yeah he doesn’t say anything. He just laughs. He also talked about how he doesn’t like “oral” and how a woman had a tattoo in her private area. It was explicit. So I’ll have to gather my voice and stop it. Sociopath? Lol oh boy

     
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    Old 04-25-2019, 09:29 AM   #14
    LemonLime93
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Titchou View Post
    He does it because he was raised to believe it was OK.No one has impressed upon him that it isn't. In today's climate of the Me Too movement it isn't surprising. I've know several men over the years - I'm 73- who talked this way. You just need to speak up the next time it happens and say " Mr.Smith, I'd appreciate it if you would keep those types of comments to yourself. It's not appropriate in our relationship."
    You are right. I thought it would be common etiquette not to speak like that around your daughter in law. Thank you

     
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    Old 04-25-2019, 04:40 PM   #15
    Titchou
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    Re: Father In Law is a bit weird?

    It's common etiquette not to talk like this at all..being his DIL has nothing to do with it.

     
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