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  • How can i improve on keeping friends?

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    Old 07-24-2019, 04:06 AM   #1
    Goldensilver
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    Join Date: Jul 2019
    Location: South Africa
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    Question How can i improve on keeping friends?

    I have the ability to make friends, but I struggle to keep them. It doesn't matter what race or age. I just simply suck at keeping friends. I have nearly given up if it wasn't for my 7 yr old daughter. I do not want to be a boring person and teach her to be "boring". I am not anti-social but I am scared. I get scared the friend is going to bore me or find me boring or not want to spend fun times together and do 'girl' stuff together.

    I feel like maybe its a money thing. I need to have money to have friends right? Maybe its because I am such an odd woman- tomboyish, energetic, stubborn, somewhat attractive forty year old woman? Can someone please tell me where do I start to work at keeping friends? Its making me depressed.

    Last edited by Administrator; 07-24-2019 at 06:43 AM.

     
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    Old 08-18-2019, 06:25 AM   #2
    yayagirl
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    Re: How can i improve on keeping friends?

    Dear Goldensilver,

    You need to stop thinking poorly of yourself. That would help you (and her) out the most I doubt you 'suck' at all.

    Every single person is special and unique, though of course some people are more similar seeming. You seem to me like you must be a very interesting person. The way to help your child relate to herself is to do things she likes with her and be her best friend. A good friend brings out the good in us and enhances that. This also means encouraging her to relax and be friendly with her own peers and to think about what others enjoy. She needs to see you doing that, too. Do the things that are meaningful to YOU. Get involved in your own life and you will attract similar minded persons. Don't try to fit yourself into other people's lives. Live your own fully. When there is a fit the other person will let you know. Be comfortable with your own self while being open to where others are at. My husband is my best friend and we share some common interests. But we don't share what we enjoy the most, as I am an artist and he is a musician. We appreciate each other's talent and uniqueness but we don't try to be the same as each other. I am saying, relax, sweetie, and just be who YOU are. Either someone relates to you or they don't. You cannot make it happen. In my case, I relate most to people that love designing, whether it is gardening, landscaping, moving furniture around, sewing, creating or making music or just imagining.

    You can notice ways to break the ice with other people. Just pay attention to what is going on. Let them know when you admire something they did. I make it a point to occasionally go say hi to my near neighbors, admire their yards, ask how they are doing and listen. Some think of me as their best friends, some are happy to say hi and run back to their houses.

    People are not the same. Let them be who they are and the trick is to just be who you are and live your own life. If we are not satisfied in ourselves, we would just be a drag on others.

    I was taller than most any other child in a school that I attended as I grew up and was super self-conscious about it. Mainly because the ignorant school fed the children their lunches based on height. No kidding, the tallest child got fed last. I was only in second grade but it so happened that the people in that area were shorter in general than other nationalities, so imagine how self-conscious it made me to be fed last just because I was the tallest child. Then their was the hair color issues.Those poor little red heads! I was brunette so I was mistaken to be part of 'the group'. Little kids suffer the most from people not just treating everyone like what we all are...each a unique person.

    Your child needs to see you valuing yourself as you are and valuing others just because they are a person, not based on any details they created or were born with.

    Just saying, many if not all of we humans either have an exaggerated self-image or think we are less than others. I have come to believe we have different personalities and ways of handling relationships but we inside we are not so different as human beings. Skin or hair color, sex, height, age, talent, health, personal interests...those are always different. I like to focus on human nature...we all want to be listened to, loved, appreciated, believed in. Give that appreciation to yourself and others and it will make you attractive to others.

    I didn't know a thing about friendship when I was growing up. All I knew was who was 'popular', and that it was not me. As an adult, I have many friends. Some are just a friendly greeting type of friend, and a few go beyond that.

    Friends cannot be 'made' or 'kept'...those are decisions that are always made by both persons. Everyday life changes. We are not exactly the same every day so we should not expect that of anyone else, either. Be your own best friend and relax. That is what your child needs to see in you so she can do the same.
    __________________
    ~ YaYa ~

     
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