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    Old 01-16-2020, 07:44 AM   #1
    Raylook
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    Relationship ending

    Hi,

    I need some help, this is hard right now. Thanks a lot for reading this.

    I'm 47, male, always single, no children. I live in Europe.

    A year ago I met a woman married, 44, she has three children and she can't have or want to have more. She is separating, but until now she is living with family and husband. We have been seeing each other for this year. Now she wants more commitment and love.

    She loves me , but I couldn't love her properly. I have feelings for her, perhaps is love, but I feel like I am sad because I can't have children. Also the three children is a bit overwhelming.

    She has sent me (yesterday) a "letter" saying we are stopping the relationship, unless I make the proper move.

    I think I may stop this relation but it's hard, she has been so good with me and she is beautiful and we get along well. What would you recommend? I'm very sad.

    Am I dreaming too much thinking about the children? It's a bit of a dream, but I'm 47 already, perhaps I need to forget about it?

    I'm experiencing some anxiety and need to give her an answer next hours/day.
    Thanks for your ideas/advice.

    Ray.

     
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    Old 01-16-2020, 09:34 AM   #2
    rosequartz
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    Re: Relationship ending

    I don't like that she put you on a deadline to answer.....that's too much pressure, and she is still married.....if she is separating and still living with the husband, how can she demand more of a commitment from you?
    She's not un-committed from the relationship she is in, yet she wants a commitment from the relationship she is planning on moving into. Something smells fishy......she's basically given you an ultimatum and that's not anyway to have a healthy relationship. I'd let her go......you're not losing anything

     
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    Old 01-16-2020, 09:56 AM   #3
    Chainsoflove
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    Re: Relationship ending

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Raylook View Post
    Hi,

    I need some help, this is hard right now. Thanks a lot for reading this.

    I'm 47, male, always single, no children. I live in Europe.

    A year ago I met a woman married, 44, she has three children and she can't have or want to have more. She is separating, but until now she is living with family and husband. We have been seeing each other for this year. Now she wants more commitment and love.

    She loves me , but I couldn't love her properly. I have feelings for her, perhaps is love, but I feel like I am sad because I can't have children. Also the three children is a bit overwhelming.

    She has sent me (yesterday) a "letter" saying we are stopping the relationship, unless I make the proper move.

    I think I may stop this relation but it's hard, she has been so good with me and she is beautiful and we get along well. What would you recommend? I'm very sad.

    Am I dreaming too much thinking about the children? It's a bit of a dream, but I'm 47 already, perhaps I need to forget about it?

    I'm experiencing some anxiety and need to give her an answer next hours/day.
    Thanks for your ideas/advice.

    Ray.
    Hi Ray,

    I had to quote the post, because I couldn't get the quick reply to work.

    I don't agree with the fact that this married woman gave you an ultimatum saying she is ending the relationship you have together. She is married, and needs to salvage the relationship with her husband before she can give you all of herself.

    She says she loves you, but is that really the truth? She has children to raise, so are you prepared to raise those children? This relationship is causing you only sadness and heart ache.

    I would tell her to divorce the husband. Then tell her she needs to be loyal to you and maybe you will love her. She may do it if she really cares about you. But right now, you need to take some deep breathes and ease your worried mind.

    Write her a letter and explain that you can't be a couple until she is divorced and is free and clear of the man she married. All this is easier said than done. You need to feel worthy and love yourself and in return she will love you.

    Good luck. Breaking up is hard to do.

     
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    Old 01-17-2020, 03:32 AM   #4
    Raylook
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    Re: Relationship ending

    Thanks Rosequartz, I think this is very valuable to me. I agree with you. It is however always difficult to see the reality when feelings take over. Anyway I don't want you to think she is just taking advantage of me but your points are still valid.

    I wrote a letter to her that I will send in a few hours. I'm just saying my reasons and understanding her points, but opening the door for the break up if she does not find it sufficient.

    I personally need more time for full commitment.

    Regards.
    Ray.

     
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    Old 01-17-2020, 03:37 AM   #5
    Raylook
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    Re: Relationship ending

    Thanks Chainsoflove for your reply. I agree with you and I appreciate your words, it makes me feel better. But it's hard. I have been spending very good moments with her.

    As I was saying in a previous reply, I wrote a letter to her that I will send in a few hours.

    I personally need more time for full commitment. But I open the door if she prefers the leave.

    I don't know what is going to the be the outcome, I will try to update it here... if I'm not too sad to report.

    Thanks again.
    Ray.

     
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    Old 01-17-2020, 10:43 AM   #6
    quincy
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    Re: Relationship ending

    If she is cheating on her husband, she most likely will cheat on you. If you comply to all her demands, then you lose your identity. Find someone who gives as much as you do in a relationship....mutually....this one is very dysfunctual. Her children are not your responsibility at this point. Way too many red flags, but this is only from an outside perspective of what you have written.....trust your instincts. Dreams are struggles in our minds being worked out....missing someone doesnt mean it's good to be with them.

    I wish you well,
    q

     
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    Old 01-17-2020, 01:26 PM   #7
    Chainsoflove
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    Re: Relationship ending

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Raylook View Post
    Thanks Chainsoflove for your reply. I agree with you and I appreciate your words, it makes me feel better. But it's hard. I have been spending very good moments with her.

    As I was saying in a previous reply, I wrote a letter to her that I will send in a few hours.

    I personally need more time for full commitment. But I open the door if she prefers the leave.

    I don't know what is going to the be the outcome, I will try to update it here... if I'm not too sad to report.

    Thanks again.
    Ray.
    Hi Ray,

    I wasn't trying to make you upset when I replied to you. I know it will be difficult and sad to write a letter about the relationship. The good times and happiness you two shared is what makes it difficult for you to lose her.

    I hope you find peace, love, and happiness in your love life. She loves you in a special way, and she needs more love from you. But, it takes two to develope a strong love. Good luck with this matter. (The quick reply on here doesn't work, so I clicked qoute)

     
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    Old 01-17-2020, 05:36 PM   #8
    MSNik
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    Re: Relationship ending

    This woman is cheating on her husband, still lives with her family and she is giving you ultimatums? RUN!

    If she was serious about wanting a relationship, she would be moving in with you and filing for divorce... anyone who makes you second guess what you want out of your life is NOT good for you...anyone who cheats will more than likely do it again.

    Sorry this isnt what you want to hear, but stick to your guns..what you want IS out there- go find a nice unattached girl and start over. You'll forget about this madness once you meet the right person.
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