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  • My husband (oh where do I start?)

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    Old 05-14-2020, 08:51 AM   #1
    Penzfan
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    My husband (oh where do I start?)

    I met my 2nd husband on ******** 4 years ago, he was a friend of a mutual friend, we talked for three years before he asked me out. After our first date, we moved very very quickly and got married. We are in our early 50's and didn't want a long engagement. He knew I had kids, mine are 20 and 16. He has none and never was married. He moved into my town home that I was renting with me and my daughter. Everything was going really well. He wanted to move into a house, so, I bought a house. Fixed up the basement for him so that he had a man cave to go to whenever he needed to get away from me and my daughter. Things started to take a turn for the worse, he, all of a sudden, couldn't handle a teenager (mine has no issues, works and goes to school, never was a problem) He made considerably less money than I did so that was an issue, but I felt that could be helped, but his incessant bad talk about my daughter had to end. Eventually, his friend set him up in one of his properties, so he lives there now, while I am still in that house. He sees me on the weeks that I don't have my daughter (she stays with her dad part time). We still love each other, but I need a companion, someone that is with me all the time, that's how marriage works. He comes over and cleans my house for me while I'm at work, he also takes care of the lawn. He works at night but is now on layoff due to covid 19. So yes, he does help me around the house. But I want a man to be at home when I get home, someone to share my day with. I'm considering selling my house and going back into my town home. I really love this man, but this situation is wearing on me. Any thoughts , suggestions? This married but living apart thing is not working for me and when I tell him that, he gets upset and says he can't handle teens and we will have to wait to get on with our lives when she turns 18. But guess what? she may not move out at 18. I can't put my life on hold like this. Am I wrong??

     
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    Old 05-14-2020, 10:37 AM   #2
    quincy
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    Re: My husband (oh where do I start?)

    Have you asked him what about your daughter that is an issue?
    Have you asked your daughter if there is an issue with him?

    Maybe a family discussion will help.

    q

     
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    Old 05-14-2020, 11:03 AM   #3
    Penzfan
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    Re: My husband (oh where do I start?)

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by quincy View Post
    Have you asked him what about your daughter that is an issue?
    Have you asked your daughter if there is an issue with him?

    Maybe a family discussion will help.

    q

    Yes, we know what the issue is. Last year, he went on a rant towards me and she recorded his rant on her phone and sent it to her father, the two of them preceded to have words. She was concerned about me. It's been almost a year and he still can't get over that. Other than that, there hasn't been any issues, other than he can't handle teens and I think he can't handle the time that I devote to her when I have her.

     
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    Old 05-15-2020, 03:50 AM   #4
    MSNik
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    Re: My husband (oh where do I start?)

    Sounds like your daughter and your current husband need some counseling professionally...either she is going to apologize (she did violate his privacy and recording someone without their knowing is illegal) or this is going to continue.

    It will also be a good test because if he is NOT willing to get help professionally, you know that this was a mistake and its over.. if he truly loves you, he will attend counseling and try to make this work.

    Good luck....but honestly, its your daughter who needs to fix this- not you.
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    Old 05-15-2020, 08:09 AM   #5
    Hempel
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    Re: My husband (oh where do I start?)

    It might be a better idea you just finish things. You can't be putting him above your daughter. Many women have made that mistake.

     
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    Old 05-20-2020, 06:28 AM   #6
    Penzfan
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    Re: My husband (oh where do I start?)

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Hempel View Post
    It might be a better idea you just finish things. You can't be putting him above your daughter. Many women have made that mistake.

    Oh, it's the exact opposite, I put her above him, this is why he lives separately from me right now.

     
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    Old 05-20-2020, 06:30 AM   #7
    Penzfan
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    Re: My husband (oh where do I start?)

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MSNik View Post
    Sounds like your daughter and your current husband need some counseling professionally...either she is going to apologize (she did violate his privacy and recording someone without their knowing is illegal) or this is going to continue.

    It will also be a good test because if he is NOT willing to get help professionally, you know that this was a mistake and its over.. if he truly loves you, he will attend counseling and try to make this work.

    Good luck....but honestly, its your daughter who needs to fix this- not you.
    They are both in therapy for other things, so yeah that could be an option to get both of them together for a session. In fact, in the very beginning when we first got married, he went to a counseling session with her therapist to answer her concerns over us getting married and we were good for awhile until that incident with the phone.

     
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