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  • Mytwinbrother won't call or text

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    Old 04-27-2021, 07:04 PM   #1
    countrygrlone
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    Mytwinbrother won't call or text

    I have this situation where my brother and I have been close for all of our lives. He is 11 months older than me, so he's like my twin. He is around 50 years old now and I'm close behind.

    So he has had 2 wives in his life, plus a serious girlfriend for 14 years he broke up with just a few years ago. Then he got into a new relationship, and a year after his new love moved in with him, he called me and wanted my husband to finish his attic into a room for only 5 grand, because his new girlfriend wanted it finished!

    I told him that wouldn't be possible because my hubby was very busy at his job and wouldn't have time, and.... that I did NOT want my hubby working on his house because he would end up MAD at me.

    So my brother then found a contractor to work on his house, but he hired a very cheap one for only 10 grand!

    He was letting his girlfriend pick the paint and carpet. So later he calls me and says his girlfriend is MAD because the carpet the contractors are installing is too cheap. He wants to fire them. My hubby said to tell him NOT to fire them, to make them do the work, and change the carpet. My brother fired them anyway, and let them get away with only 1/3 of the job done and several thousand dollars of undone and unfinished work he had already paid them for!

    A few weeks later, my brother was calling and calling my hubby and acting mad when I spoke to him but I had no idea why.

    I then blocked my brother from my hubby's phone for TWO days so he would call and tell me why he was mad.



    --I learned that my brother had begged my hubby to FIX his attic botch up (from the other contractors).

    ---My hubby told him he would do ONLY the FINISH (mud, paint, and trim only) work for $2200

    --MY brother thought he meant he would FINISH the ENTIRE job for $2200!



    --My hubby tried to get some contractors to do free work to my brothers house when he realized my brother wanted the entire job done.


    MY brother kept saying his girlfriend was complaining it wasn't good enough. He also kept making snide comments that he didn't "know what kind of hold I had on my husband", in an angry voice! Then he said he had so many kids, he didn't think he would ever get to retire (in an upset voice).

    A perfect looking remodel of an attic room is about $25000 or more!


    I was upset they had gone behind my back but I paid him back $500 nonetheless for the misunderstanding.


    After I paid my brother, he decided he was mad at me, and refused to take any calls, texts or emails from me.

    He won't respond and I'm blocked. After almost 50 years. I thought he would stop this, but it's been two years now and he's still acting this way.

    I found out he got married to his new women, and they didn't tell anyone at first. Now his new wife is moving her three daughters in with them, that she did not raise( they were raised by their grandmother in another state), and her daughters were NOT speaking to her for almost 6 years before she met my brother. They are all grown and starting college, and that's very expensive. They all need cars, and expense money for that.

    Anyway, I'm totally upset my brother is doing this. We've had a xmas gathering and bday party since and he hugged us and spoke, plus a baby shower we all attended.

    He's still REFUSING any other communication, calls, text, email.

    ***I did NOT do anything to him.****

    I'm really upset to say the least.

    I don't understand how he could have done this. I told him he would get mad at me if my hubby worked on his home, because he's very picky and because he wanted the work done for way too cheap for it to look good.

    My brother is a smart guy, an engineer. What kind of brother is he to do this and expect my hubby to do so much work for so cheap , how could he expect it in the first place, how could he sneak behind my back, and how could he just not speak to me after 50 years my brother?

    Help , any and all advice/ opinions would be really great!

    Last edited by countrygrlone; 04-28-2021 at 12:17 AM.

     
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    Old 04-28-2021, 12:30 AM   #2
    quincy
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    Re: Mytwinbrother won't call or text

    Do you need your brother in your life? And does he actually have respect for you? Seems he doesn't have much to offer you except an extreme sense of entitlement.

    Declare your boundaries and your new found emotional freedom from his insane dysfunction.

    I haven't spoken to my brother since 1998. No loss on my end.

    q
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    Old 04-29-2021, 01:19 PM   #3
    countrygrlone
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    Re: Mytwinbrother won't call or text

    Thanks for your response. I guess it's difficult because he speaks to the rest of my family and mom and sister.

    This makes it hard.

    He will text on occasion ONLY from his new wife's phone. I don't know.

    Last edited by countrygrlone; 04-30-2021 at 11:18 AM.

     
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    Old 04-30-2021, 08:15 AM   #4
    countrygrlone
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    Re: Mytwinbrother won't call or text

    Although, he is speaking and acts friendly at family functions.

    Last edited by countrygrlone; 04-30-2021 at 11:26 PM.

     
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    Old 04-30-2021, 10:28 AM   #5
    quincy
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    Re: Mytwinbrother won't call or text

    Unfortunately, some people don't have the ability concept of wrongs they do...mostly because of their own narcissim, and the little games they love to play.

    You will never get an apology...so really, it's all in your control of how you perceive and what you do about it for yourself.

    I'm not going to say let it go, because it's a long process to understand and finally do it. Doesnt mean the hurt goes away...just that youve made the decision to not pursue it.

    I can suggest you make the decision to either sever the relationship and create your own boundaries or just go along with the control you've given him to keep hurting you. Having the unrealistic expectations that things will improve will only disappoint you.

    Do a search of narcissism. If you find similarities, then it could give you insight as how to empower yourself in that relationship. Keep showing your emotions of rejection and hurt to him and your desire for apology will only empower him.

    q
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