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  • Horrible TimingÖ

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    Old 12-01-2021, 01:56 AM   #1
    Join Date: May 2005
    Location: Recently Returned to the Great Northwest
    Posts: 63
    sad_in_sd HB User
    Horrible TimingÖ

    About a year ago I started a new job and met this woman (Iím also female), who developed a huge crush on me. It was awkward at first, but we soon became friends. She kept pursuing me and finally I decided that maybe I should give her a chance. Before that I have intentionally never dated anyone at work. But I gave her a chance and of course at first it was great. She quickly professed her love for me and even started talking about marriage. Way to fast for me, first red flag, I should have seen it I know. So anyways, before I knew it, she went from staying at my place often, to staying there all the time, then after it was too late she tells me she stopped paying on her apartment and basically moved in with me without even asking. At that time we were still in the exciting and new stage of a relationship and I thought things would last so I let it go. Sadly, shortly after we got together, her mother passed away and she became angry at the world. Around the same time, I also received a promotion at our mutual workplace and became her boss. She began taking her anger out verbally on me which led to a lot of arguments. At the same time, she was lashing out at work, constantly bursting into my office to complain about every little thing that she felt was going wrong at our workplace. She would rant about work after we got home until we went to bed, it was exhausting. I should also mention that she has a VERY short fuse so the smallest thing would set her off. When she is angry she can say some very hurtful and even threatening words. The arguments elevated so much that she would get mad, pack all her things in her car and say she was leaving, then guilt me by saying ďitís ok, Iíve lived out of my car beforeĒ or the worst was saying that she would kill herself if I broke up with her, and I believed her. So now I feel trapped, I do care about her, but feel that she is unstable and I have fallen out of love with her. She definitely senses it in my actions, Iíve even talked to her about the fact that Iím not happy and that I feel she rushed things. So hereís the horrible timing part. She has had a lump in her breast that she ignored for 12 years. As soon as I discovered it, I urged her to go to the doctor. One day it actually started hurting so she went to urgent care. One week later, the diagnosis is cancer. I do still genuinely care for her as a friend and would hate for her to go through this alone, but I donít love her anymore, and before the urgent care visit, I was planning to break up with her and ask her to move out. Now if I did that, I would feel horrible. Plus if I broke up with her, I would still be her boss when she comes back to work. This is exactly why I vowed to never date anyone from work. I never imagined it would get THIS complicated. Any advice is warmly welcome.

    As a side note, this message board was my saving grace during the worst year of my life 9 years ago. Iím so grateful for this community.


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