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HELP! Boyfriend won't leave!


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Old 11-07-2003, 08:26 AM   #1
silverandgold
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HELP! Boyfriend won't leave!

I've been with this guy for 2 years. We made the bad mistake of living together (he moved in to my place -- my name is on the lease only). To make a long story short, this relationship isn't working. He's a nice guy, very sweet, and his heart is in the right place, but he's just not what I'm looking for. I'm no spring chicken, so I feel like we are wasting our time. He loves me, and this is making it very hard. I feel such terrible guilt, but even worse staying in a relationship that I know I don't want. The problem is, he doesn't want to believe I am not in love with him anymore. I tried to end this last night. We argued, fought, cried all night long. He telling me that we can work it out, me telling him that I do not want to. He will not take no for an answer. He just called me at work crying pleading me to give him another "chance". I think TWO YEARS is enough of a chance! If we "tried again", all we would be doing is postponing the inevitable, but he doesn't understand that. Bottom line is, HE WON'T LEAVE. I don't want this to turn ugly, but what do I do? He's not abusive at all, he just wants to hold on to this relationship with all he has even though I don't want it. It's not like he has no where else to go - he can stay at his parent's. Short of calling the police, I don't know how to make him leave. I am thinking of staying at a hotel tonight because I do not want to go home to have another marathon "talk" about how he thinks we can work this out. Any ideas?

 
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Old 11-07-2003, 08:40 AM   #2
nelzun
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I hear you

I have been in this situation before, just recently in fact. And it IS abuse when they fail to hear what you are saying and force you in a relationship that you no longer want to be in. He's trying to manipulate you in any way shape or form to get you to stay but he doesn't care about YOUR feelings. It's all about ownership. He wants you in his life but doesn't care that you don't want to be there.

As for the apartment. What I did was move to my parents for a month because I coldn't take it. He has a right to stay there for 30 days, but you must go to the courts and get an eviction notice. If he fails to obey this he will be asked to show up in court and the police may remove his possesions from your place. Until then you cannot by law change the lock and refuse him entry. It's squatters laws or something. Technically you are acting as his landlord and must give him proper time to be evicted. I know it's hard but once I served my ex the papers he found an apartment and was out in a month. Yes, I had to pay for a place I wasn't staying in and run the risk of him ransacking it, but it worked out for the best.

Don't let this guy manipulate you. I know that you must feel awful for not having the same feelings and you think he's just holding on because he loves you so much. But he's not hearing that it's over. Stay firm even though you are going to feel mean don't give into his guilt trips. He wants you for his own reasons because if he really loved you the way that he says he does he would want your happiness as much as it would hurt him to leave.

 
Old 11-07-2003, 09:21 AM   #3
nelzun
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Yes regardless if he has signed a lease or not he is still entitled to a proper eviction ny law. Believe me I had to learn the hard way. Get the paper now because 30 days seems like forever.

I know how bad you're feeling I just posted about my current ex. He's pleading with me calling, writing letters, crying and even faking illness and emergencies to get me back. The more they don't hear you, the more they prove that they are looking out for THEIR interests. You will feel horrible for awhile, but just remember to stay strong and in the end when you no longer have to answer to this person and apologize for your feelings and YOUR life, you will feel much better. The only thing keeping you there is the guilt of hurting someone because you are a great person. If you weren't he wouldn't want you back so bad.

 
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