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Can't Let Go!


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Old 11-09-2003, 05:02 PM   #1
msdaisy
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Can't Let Go!

Ok, so I have tried it all but just can't seem to stop crying over my ex.

We broke up in August and two days after, I packed my bags and went on a 3-week trip without letting him know. When I came back, I moved to another city to attend Teacher's College and I am quite a far drive from home.
I have not seen him since and I am still consumed with thoughts of him and wanting him back on a daily basis.
The reason for our breakup was due to the fact that he could not let go of his ex so I told him to take a hike. He would not leave me alone though. He kept telling me that he wanted me and only me but that he was not prepared for her to be out of his life. She was constantly in our faces and causing issues for us and I finally could not handle it and put my foot down and stopped answering the phone or answering the door and told him that until he got his act together, not to contact me. It has been 3 months and he has not attempted to contact me! I really thought that our love was strong and that he would make the right decision. But, he hasn't.

I called him once and we had such a wonderful conversation, just catching up on stuff. I really thought by my opening up the lines of communication, he would jump all over the chance to be in my life again. But, he didn't.

I have such strong feelings for him and am constantly sad and crying with the thought that he does not want me back.
Now, his birthday is coming up and I have bought him a small gift that I was planning on sending him. I am not sure what to do!! If I don't send him the gift, I will be mad at myself and think about him every time I see the gift. I can't return it because it is autographed. If I send it, I feel like I am chasing him when it should really be him chasing me, right? I don't know what to do.

I am sorry for the novel. Not sure if this all makes sense.

 
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Old 11-09-2003, 06:07 PM   #2
Want 2 B Well
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[B]********************{BIG HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}[/B]

What I get from what you are saying is that you expected him to choose you and he did not. OUCH, that must hurt bad.

You will begin to HEAL when you finally decide to move on, it's over, no more, etc. You are still trying to connect with him and resisting making a final break. When you do that you are putting yourself in a constant state of turmoil.

If you think you want to go for it and try and get him back then go for it with gusto. Otherwise end it 100% with no more phone calls, gifts, etc...& start healing!

I would probably SMASH OR BURN the gift and not look back, but that is me.

I hope you find the right answer for you.

 
Old 11-09-2003, 07:11 PM   #3
maryett
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I agree 100% with Want2Bwell. You were very brave and made some really good progress when it first ended, by going on holiday and moving away. You were totally prepared to close and burn the chapter. Now that time has gone past absence makes the heart grow fonder, so it's necessary to remind yourself that you took those drastic steps for a reason.

And I would recommend that you do NOT under any circumstances send this gift to him, or buy him a gift ever again. Put it on Ebay; give it to someone else; chuck it out. Just don't give it to him.

 
Old 11-09-2003, 10:32 PM   #4
chocolatedeluxe
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Wink

Just send him the gift along with a brief note saying 'I hope you enjoy your b-day and the rest of your life without me! he should respond in a positive way, by talking to you!
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Old 11-10-2003, 10:44 AM   #5
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My heart goes out to you. I am also one of these people who falls in deep and finds it hard to let go. But I don't think sending him the gift is a good idea. You have to realize that if he had truly loved you, he would have chosen you. The line that he wants "only you but is not prepared to let his ex go" doesn't make sense. It sounds like he was not ready for a relationship at the time. I don't know what specifically happened with his ex, but for you to be so fed up, it had to be pretty annoying. You did make the first step, you called him and he didn't appear to want to pursue you. If he's been silent for three months, I would just try to move on. Throw the gift away or give it to someone else.

 
Old 11-10-2003, 11:00 AM   #6
MJK98
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its a rough situation to get over but you know what although you may not see this right now, i think this guy is actually being very respectful because he isnt stringing you along and maybe he is seeing through this with his ex ex to see if she is who he wants and visa versa and if it doesnt work he might just call
but for now regardless of the pain you are going through you need to move on
send him a card but dont send him a gift hold on to it and if he returns back in your life you can always give it to him i just wouldnt do that now its almost a guilt trip you would put him on ...remember this

"less is more"

Good Luck and i hope you feel better soon

 
Old 11-10-2003, 02:17 PM   #7
msdaisy
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I just would like you all to know that I have felt a lot better since I read your responses. Even though my friends and family have said the same thing, I just needed to get someone's perspective on this situation that did not know either myself or my ex.

His birthday is just under two weeks away and I have decided NOT to send the gift. If at any point in the next couple of weeks I get weak, I will read your responses.

Although this situation is hard for me, I know that there are certain things that I must overcome before things start to appear easy or normal again. Until then, I will focus on my studies.

Thanks for the responses.

 
Old 11-10-2003, 02:26 PM   #8
SophiaM
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Good decision! If you really need to acknowledge his birthday, send him an e-card, that should be enough. Good luck and stay strong.

 
Old 11-25-2003, 07:00 PM   #9
msdaisy
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Unhappy Re: Can't Let Go!

Ok, so his birthday was on the weekend and I sent him a one line email letting him know "Happy Birthday". That was it!
Guess what! After all this bull **** that I am this person that showed him what it was like to be in a normal relationship, he hasn't even responded to my birthday wish. I am in shock to be honest. No matter what else happened, I always thought I would hear from him. At least thanking me!
I guess he is happier without me and that was all bull.

I just thought I would catch you up on what happened. Thanks again for the responses. I have a ways to go but I have started to REALLY let go!

msdaisy

 
Old 11-26-2003, 07:30 AM   #10
magee
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Re: Can't Let Go!

Good for you, Ms. Daisy! Stay strong and don't give in to those fleeting moments of weakness.
One thing that might help is getting rid of the gift. Let that be your symbolic gesture indicating closure, because I think you need closure on this relationship. Give it to charity, throw it away, whatever.... or keep it somewhere tucked away, just as a reminder of what you aren't willing to settle for anymore.
Good luck, and Happy Thanksgiving!

 
Old 11-26-2003, 07:55 AM   #11
nelzun
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Re: Can't Let Go!

I wouldn't send the gift either, I agree. I am hung up on my ex and any communication between us, gets my emotions running again and makes it harder for me to move on. If you send the gift he may feel the need to contact you and a polite thank you might turn into something insincere. Let him contact you on his own, without the obligatory thank you. If he does, maybe then you can give him a belated present.

Hey I gave my ex his Christmas present from last year about three weeks ago. At least he knows I thought of him, but I tried not to chase him. Even so, just an email and he considers me crazy and obsessed so I try my best to be careful.

 
Old 11-26-2003, 09:12 AM   #12
SophiaM
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Re: Can't Let Go!

Msdaisy, you did the right thing. Congratulations on staying strong. Don't worry that he didn't call. Guys are weird, sometimes they call even after a year. If he realizes he really cares about you and misses you, he'll call. If not, you haven't lost much anyway. I think if a man truly loves a woman, he can't stay away for too long. I still miss my ex-boyfriend too, but I've decided I'm not going to chase him. I "set him free" 100% and haven't heard from him in a month now. I have no idea if I'll ever see him again, but I just can't be in a confusing situation. ALL OR NOTHING is my motto. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

 
Old 11-26-2003, 10:15 PM   #13
a_FoRgOtTeN_sOuL
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Re: Can't Let Go!

Send him the gift, I guarentee you will not regret it. This is your chance to let him know you still very much love and care for him. If I'm right, he'll come running back. If not it will be much easier to just move on. At least you'll know what he truly feels about you...it's hard I know, but life can offer you better things if you let it.

x Good Luck x

 
Old 11-26-2003, 11:24 PM   #14
nixie
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Talking Re: Can't Let Go!

Hi-
I am glad I came across your post because it is very similar to my situation. I have been waiting for him to contact me after 2 months and now I am second guessing my choice to dump him. I liked what that one person said about being "all or nothing" that is how I was about this relationship.
But also the last post was cool because the person seemed to believe in the power of love. I think that a lot of times replies to these postings seem so sensible but they forget that there are always 2 sides to a story.

And even though I am afraid of being rejected and looking dumb I am going to talk to my ex. I think I may tell him that I miss him and ask him if he'd like to see me again.
Giving a guy a gift is not such a good idea. I think a lot of girls do that because they are so sweet and thoughtful, and often the guys don't deserve it.
Guys usually feel like" Oh, great- now I owe her something back"
Stay strong sista & good luck in love again!
nix
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