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Old 11-12-2003, 08:29 AM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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bleubird HB User
How do you .....

Forgive???? Me and my husband have been together almost 11 years now. I was only 16 when we started dating (he's 8 years older than me). Its been 2 years now since he has cheated on me. But I can't seem to forgive him for it. I thought I did but I keep getting this gut feeling I should still be watching him .... I don't want this to keep going on. I don't want that women to win and destroy our marriage (although I know it was he that did the looking at first but when she found out he was married and especially since with her being VERY active in her church don't you think she should have backed away!) anyways we have 2 little girls and I do love him I just can't seem to trust him still. She has emailed him a few times (he doesn't see a problem with them still being friends) I have seen most of the emails and I have blasted both her and him for them. I haven't seen anymore in about 8 months now. He just acts like he's hiding something.I don't know maybe I'm paranoid ...maybe deep down I don't want to trust him .. in that case maybe I shouldn't be in the marriage anymore... I'm just confused and still very hurt. Do you think some of this maybe that he's never actually apologized for this. It was just kind of blown off like it was my fault and if I would have been there maybe this wouldn't have happened. How does one go about forgiving? Should you forgive?
What I am doing today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.

Last edited by bleubird; 11-12-2003 at 08:32 AM.

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Old 11-12-2003, 10:28 AM   #2
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zodee HB User
I don't blame you for not being able to forgive your husband. I personally think that once you cheat on someone, you lose their trust like *that* and you need to *earn* it back. It takes a long time to be trusted again. Especially in an 11-year marriage with two children. You are not to blame for your husband's stupidity, and he shouldn't even think of trying to make you look like you're the one to blame. You're not the one who went prancing off with another person.

Marriage is full of compromise and sacrifice. You and your husband need to take time to sit with each other, uninterrupted, and talk to each other about what you feel and not pass judgement on what the other says. Let him talk, and then you talk. Talk to each other about compromises you both can make to make the marriage work (if that is what you both want.) You may find that there is a reason to forgive him, or you may find he doesn't deserve your forgiveness. Either way, communication will help you better understand your husband, and he will hopefully better understand you.

I don't know everything about your situation, so I don't want to say whether or not you should stay in or end the marriage. All I can say is to think about everyone involved. Your husband, your children, and you. Is a marriage worth it if both persons are unhappy all the time? Is that a good environment to put the children in? Wouldn't it be wonderful if you spent another 50 years with your husband? Only you can decide what you want. Unless you've exhausted all possible options and have unsuccessfully tried so hard to keep the marriage together, then you might want to consider divorce.

I truly hope you find happiness with whatever you decide to do. Stay strong and know that you are supported!

- Zodee

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