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Deciphering ex's email

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Old 11-16-2003, 07:01 PM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: MI
Posts: 159
nelzun HB User
Deciphering ex's email

Ok I am a very upfront person so I don't get people that leave you to guess about feelings. My ex has a way of confusing me in circles and avoiding anything substantial.

I ran into him last week Tuesday and I still have feelings for him. We dated for over a year on and off, but we haven't even spoken in the past 6 months. He came over and we talked, kissed, etc... We didn't sleep together, but you get the general idea. We were just very happy to see each other.

He's a singer in a band and devotes much of his time to this, as well as having a full time job. He just got a promotion so he's working harder than usual. I know this has alot to do with us not being together. That and he cannot express himself so I am left to guess and without action or his explaination, and I give up.

So I told him that I had a new boyfriend for a couple of months but that it was over now and he flipped out. He just left without explaination. I told him he can't think that I am not going to pursue other options when he doesn't even care to be in my life. I had to accidentally run into him otherwise he wouldn't have even known that much about me.

So here is the email I got: geez i just got your mails...sorry you feel like that! i'm also sorry for acting so weird i can't explain why it bothers me and still sound sane i guess. don't feel stupid, and don't think i don't have feelings for you- i do. i'm just kind of in shock i guess. i am just mad i let that happen. Don't feel like anything is your fault, please! talk to ya later

What the heck? I emailed him back and told him that I KNOW that nothing is my fault and that I can't promise him anything that he himself cannot. I also told him that it takes two hands to clap and that he made no effort, so what was I supposed to do wait forever? I told him that I hope he knows what he's doing because someday he might wake up and realize that my feelings have always been sincere and he may look for me a moment too late. I am not searching but I won't promise that I won't fall in love again when he offers me nothing, if the right man comes along. I told him that I am beautiful inside and that I know I deserve a relationship where the other person realises this gift.

He's confusing and I know his response to my 5 paragraph email will be vague. Please tell me I'm not crazy to question this man's sincerity of feelings for me and telling him that he cannot just pop in and out of my life dangling carrots. I am doing my best to move on, but he's not giving me anything but meaningless emails.

Last edited by nelzun; 11-16-2003 at 07:06 PM.

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Old 11-16-2003, 07:41 PM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 53
CeeJay1 HB User

Hi ya Jen,

Wow a tricky situation!

It sounds like you are at a different point in your feelings for him - (you know what you want) - than he is in his feelings for you (he doesnt know what he wants) - which can be incredibly difficult.

The thing I guess I would say - is that you cant MAKE someone love you - and want to have a relationship with you.

They either want to be with you - and are happy to commit to that - or they dont and they wont.

It sounds like you want the relationship - and he is not sure!!! - but he is happy to come and say hello every so often.

I think you two need to sit down face to face and talk over your relationship - ---- find out whether there is a possiblity of a relationship - where is it going - what does he want - what you want.

You need to do this face to face - not via email - email's can get misinterpreted and misunderstood which can lead to a whole lot of problems.

So do that - talk it out - set some ground rules and some guidelines - and get some clarity out of the situation for both your sakes.

It is not fair to either of you to have an on and off again relationship - it stops you both from being open to meeting other people - and who knows you might just be brushing off a future boyfriend or even husband.

I wish you both all the best.


Old 11-17-2003, 07:13 AM   #3
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Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: MI
Posts: 159
nelzun HB User
Red face

Oh, if it were so simple as to just sit him down and talk to him. He's even more confusing then, and I tell him straight how I feel. I just think it's awful to keep leading me on here and there with a few caring words. And for him to get so upset that I moved on and had another boyfreind? He doesn't have that right. He can't possibly think that I am going to wait until he's ready to settle down years from now, without any intimacy in my life and an absentee relationship, can he? That's ridiculous. Besides he doesn't even state the above that he'd like to wait a few years, he just acts like I should know how he feels and I am crazy when I question his feelings and intentions.

He says he's in shock that I had a boyfriend. Well I'm in shock that he even cares. If he doesn't want me then there shouldn't be a problem, right?

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