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i want us to be a family again, please help

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Old 11-16-2003, 10:55 PM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 3
heavenisnevaeh3 HB User
Unhappy i want us to be a family again, please help

I really need some advice or someone that just understands what I am going though right now.
Me and my fiance have been together for almost five years. we have an 18 month little boy together. We have been through alot and love eachother. We met very young though, I was fifteen and he was just going on nineteen. I am twenty now and he is twenty-three. About two months ago I decided I need some time off. I needed to be away and just fly free for a while but I reminded my fiance that I love him so much still and I am not intending to hurt him. I indeed slept with another man numerous times. Things quickly escalated from just time apart to having the police being involved. He loved me so much and I hurt him so bad. It was my birthday and I made him return the emerald bracelet he bought me and cancel the trip to New York. We have been completely seperated now for almost two months. During that time I have been immaturly partying with my friends and staying out late. I left my fiance and my son. I couldn't handle being a mother or wife. I left and went to stupid stuff. My best friend Alyson was there with me through the whole thing. She has helped me cope with the break up and has assured me my son is okay. Two weeks ago my b est friend Alyson disapeared from the hotel room. I didn't hear from her for days and was worried sick about her. I later found out she is living with my ex-fiance and they both but a restraining order on me. My ex has only known this girl for a few weeks. Today he told me that he loves her.
I never ever wanted things to happen this way. I love my ex so much with all my heart and now I have screwed up royally. He doesn't want to talk to me at all or see my face. Now i live with my parents and have my life getting back together almost 100% I have my son now too.
I have been trying to talk to my ex to just talk things out. He refuses. He keeps telling me that he doesn't want to see me and that he doesn't care about me and he loves this new girl who at one time was my best friend.
What I want to know is your opinion on the ending of this story. Do you think that my ex still loves me and is with this girl to get revenge and just maybe me and him can actually work through things together? Or do you think he truly loves this 17 year old girl (my ex is 23) whome he's only known for a few weeks and he is honestly past me and has moved on? I need hope and faith that me and my ex will work things out because I miss him with all my heart and I want things to be the way they used to be. Please help. we were once a family...i want to be a family again

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Old 11-16-2003, 11:24 PM   #2
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Nevada
Posts: 183
butterfly2003 HB User
Wow, your story is a really complex and sad one. I am sorry that you have had to deal with so much at such a young age. I am your age and I can't even begin to imagine having gone through so much. Part of your story sounds a lot like mine. When I was 15 I began a relationship with my, now ex, for almost 5 years. About 3 months ago (and a day after our break up) he began seeing another girl, who gave up everything in her life to be with him. He thinks he loves her (she bought him a motorcycle and is buying his truck, so he can afford his house payment), which just makes me physically ill because I was the one he loved for 5 years. I think that some men are completely and utterly weak. Another girl comes along that will do whatever and they jump on it. However in your case it is a little different. I really sympathize with the pain you must feel over your ex "loving" another, but you went on to another, too. No one can say whether he is doing this to get back at you, or if he really cares for her. I wish I knew the answer, because then I could answer the questions I have.
On the subject of your child, I dont think you should ever have left him (your baby). I realize that you were young and foolish, but once there is a little life you must support you automatically need to grow up. I know that it is hard to be so young and to be with only one person for so long, but you had a child with him. After that was said and done, your child should have been your only concern. If you had never had the child it would have been perfectly fine for you to tell him that you needed to see what else was out there. In all honesty I think that your ex is flaming mad that you left him and your child with him so that you could go have fun. I dont mean to sound rude, but that is how I see it. However, it is great that you can admit your faults and move on and try to make a better life for your son, that really shows maturity.
I really feel for you, because everyone is entitled to screw up, but the people who end up on top are the ones that can admit they screwed up, which is what you did. I hope that everything will work out for you, your son, and your ex. Who knows he may come back and you will get your wish, but for now focus on bettering yourself and the life of your child. Good luck!

Old 11-16-2003, 11:35 PM   #3
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 3
heavenisnevaeh3 HB User
Wink thank you

thank you very much for your optimisticity. I sure hope everything works out and it's nice meetings someone who's been at least close to the path I am on. Faith and Truth are just two hard things.

Old 11-16-2003, 11:51 PM   #4
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Location: Kailua,Hawaii, United States
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conniefolger HB User
Hello! I have to agree with the other poster, It is hard to say wether or not his feelings for this other girl are real or just revenge torwards you. I hope that the two of you can work things out for your sons sake. It breaks my heart to see a post such as this especially when there is a child involved because the child is the one who looses out. You did go to someone else too but you were confused at the time and this other girl was probably going back to him pretending to be your friend and informing him on what you were doing while you were seperated which was none of his biusness because you were seperated. I really hope that things work out for you Good luck and take care
connie folger

Old 11-16-2003, 11:57 PM   #5
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butterfly2003 HB User
I agree with connie, your "friend" was not a friend and you were deceived by two people you thought you could trust, I am really sorry and I know this hurts.
Faith and Truth ARE two very hard things to have and understand. When we are at our lowest it seems there will never be truth and understanding and we lose our faith. It has happened to me! I feel that is is immensely unfair that my ex who was controlling and at times abusive (he hit me twice) gets everything he wants, (his first house and a doormat to live in it with him) but I really am trying to have faith that in time I will receive the things I need and want. As will you, everything will work out, just keep trying and never give up!

Old 11-17-2003, 09:34 AM   #6
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Location: Atlanta GA
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atlantalady HB User

Keep working on keeping yourself in check and taking care of your baby. In time, I do think you and your ex will sit down and have a heart to heart. Right now he was lonely when you left and he probably had the best friend keeping him posted on your activities. He felt justified in what he did because you were doing the same. Granted, it ended up being w/your best friend, but in his head he was totally justified. You both had a child together. There are going to be many occassions when you need to work together for that reason alone. For now though, I wouldn't be persistent w/him about wanting to get back together. In time, as I said before, you will talk...I think you both will realize your mistakes and maybe give things another chance. You will have learned a valuable lesson....I think you know in your heart that things will come back around...just be strong and stay focused. Good luck!

Old 11-17-2003, 11:39 AM   #7
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Location: California
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CA_jane HB User
Ok, so you decided that you didn't want the hassle of being a mother or a wife so you left? To go out partying with your friends and sleep with another man? All in 2 short months? I'm sorry and I don't mean to sound rude, but I don't feel sorry for you one bit. I have no respect for any woman who leaves her child to go out and party and screw around.

As for your ex and this girl, I would say to leave him alone and let him get on with his life, with whomever he choses. It's really none of your business anymore. You gave up your right to be in his life when you walked out. You should have thought of the consequences BEFORE you did what you did. If he loves her, so what? If he doesn't, so what? You hurt this man deeply. The best thing you can do for him after what you did to him is just leave him alone.

You say you want everything to be the way it used to be...sorry, that probably won't happen. They can never be the same. You just can't walk out on your fiance and child and expect to waltz back into the relationship like nothing ever happened. Not to mention the fact that you told him you loved him and demonstrated that love by going out and sleeping with another man.

Old 11-17-2003, 11:41 AM   #8
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: massachusetts
Posts: 3
heavenisnevaeh3 HB User
thank you guys so much for your words. Every little thing helps and words from others really is helping right now because with other people saying things, it helps me feel not so alone. I really hope that me and him work things out and hopefully he is with this girl not for love but for revenge.

Old 11-17-2003, 03:20 PM   #9
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Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: San Antonio, TX USA
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tpopescu HB User
Hmm, since I remember more of the story from her last thread I kind of hope you and your boyfriend move on. Correct me if Iím wrong, but werenít you sleeping with a pretty bad 17 y/o kid that you wouldnít leave alone and he was threatening to call the cops on you? Iím not downing you, I know everyone makes mistakes, but you and your ex should probably sit down and really see what both of you want (and whatís best for your child) because you both have made some really bad decisions. I hope you guys can work it out and be civil for your child's sake. Good luck.

Old 11-17-2003, 05:23 PM   #10
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MJK98 HB User
i think you need toc ontinue making a life for yourself and your son i hope the father stays in contact with his son and i would let things be.......It sounds like you hurt him alot and due to the young ages you both are this is how the responses usually are immature....what you did was wrong but your young and even if you went back with this man you would do it again.....let him be and you continue to grow....If things are meant to be than they will be .as far as your friend shame on her for being so sneaky, i dont believe he is in love but what do i know i mean remember one thing this friend knew all the stuff between you guys so im sure she is on her best behavior picking up the pieces ...just move forward for now, there isnt anything you can do unless he is willing to talk
be as nice as pie and dont start any trouble , make his life easy when it comes to your son...kill him with kindness
good luck

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