It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

My husband wrote me this


Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 11-17-2003, 09:37 PM   #1
damaged
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 50
damaged HB User
Unhappy My husband wrote me this

thanks for all your help

Last edited by damaged; 11-18-2003 at 01:43 PM.

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 11-17-2003, 10:00 PM   #2
butterfly2003
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Nevada
Posts: 183
butterfly2003 HB User
First off let me ask you what the problem was? Why did he even write this to you, was it out of the blue or have you been having problems?
From someone who has no idea about what is going on behind that letter or note, I would say that he is upset that you have issues with trust. It seems like he is upset that you seem to be worried about yourself getting hurt, but you dont seem to be all that worried about anyone else's feelings. He also sounds concerned that your (or his???) jealousy and lack of trust could hurt your marriage. I dont know, though, because you didn't give any details behind it. Let us know some more, so we can help you further.

 
Old 11-17-2003, 10:21 PM   #3
damaged
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 50
damaged HB User
deleted...

Last edited by damaged; 11-18-2003 at 01:43 PM.

 
Old 11-17-2003, 10:45 PM   #4
butterfly2003
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Nevada
Posts: 183
butterfly2003 HB User
Has he ever been unfaithful to you? Where do you suppose you get your insecurities from? It doesn't sound like he has been unfaithful from what he wrote, but if he has in the past, maybe that could be an issue now, but I dont know. I just think that he's concerned for your marriage. Talk it over with him and ask him what he meant by what he wrote. Communication is so important, just as important as trust (and the absence of jealousy). Keep us posted!

 
Old 11-17-2003, 11:03 PM   #5
daylight568
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,593
daylight568 HB User
Sounds like to me that hes saying ,"If you love me you will be happy for me that I have found someone else that can make me happy sexually,and not be jealous"."And that you should trust that I will always be here for you reguardless of who else I screw".
Thats what it sounds like to me !

Last edited by daylight568; 11-17-2003 at 11:03 PM.

 
Old 11-17-2003, 11:38 PM   #6
tpopescu
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: San Antonio, TX USA
Posts: 132
tpopescu HB User
It sounds to me that he feels that since he is always being accused of cheating then he might as well do it since he has already been paying the price for it. It doesnít sound like heís cheated yet but you two really need to sit down and work out trust issues or things could take a turn for the worse. I donít really know the background here so this is JMO from his letter.

 
Old 11-18-2003, 02:09 AM   #7
Audrey-B
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,975
Audrey-B HB UserAudrey-B HB UserAudrey-B HB UserAudrey-B HB UserAudrey-B HB User
To me it looks as though he has told you countless times that he can be trusted, but you constantly accuse him of being unfaithful. A lot of people who get sick and tired of wasting their breath end up writing a letter hoping it will get through to the other person.

I don't believe he has been unfaithful and don't even think that he wants to be unfaithful.........BUT........considerin g you are always accusing him of this, then he feels as though you are driving him away and that he may as well go and be with another woman.

Trust me, if your husband wanted to cheat he would have by now. The fact he wrote the letter shows he truly does care about your marriage.

The two of you badly need to go and speak to a marriage counsellor or something along those lines. Possibly your problems are too big for the two of you to sort out together as you will constantly doubt that he is being honest with you.

You need to go way back and look at where your insecurities first started and what they are a result of. Best of luck and feel free to ask for help off these boards.

Last edited by Audrey-B; 11-18-2003 at 02:11 AM.

 
Old 11-18-2003, 06:49 AM   #8
ana_24
Veteran
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 304
ana_24 HB User
I don't think he's been unfaithful yet, but this is almost a warning. If you continue to accuse him, you may just drive him away enough that he will cheat.. since he has to live with all the consequences now anyway.

 
Old 11-18-2003, 07:14 AM   #9
SweetTemptation
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Europe
Posts: 53
SweetTemptation HB User
I used to have huge jealousy issues with my livei n boyfriend. Most of them sprung from previous relationships, not even nessacarily from things that my current boyfriend did. He got so sick of always being accused of cheating and lying. It almost ruined our relationship. When he finally told me that I need to learn to trust him or we couldnt work, that was a wake up call. I knew he was ready to leave me because he couldnt handly my trust issues anymore. That was the turning point for me. That is when I decided that I NEEDED to get over the jealousy for the sake of our relationship. The way I see it is this; either a guy has a faithful heart or he has an unfaithful heart. If a guy is going to cheat on you, he will eventually do it. If hes faithful, he wont. It has nothing to do with you being jealous or watching him. A guy will always find a way around it. So for you to be jealous all the time doesnt stop him from being cheating on you. It may force him to be a bit more careful if he does cheat as far as leaving "evidence" behind, but if he wants to cheat, he will. I dont believe that a guy wont or shouldnt cheat just because his gf or wife is watching him. Its like this quote Ive heard "Integrity is doing the right thing knowing that no one is ever going to know whether you did it or not". I believe the same goes for cheating as well. If he wants to cheat he will. If he doesnt want to cheat, he wont. Regardless of you watching him closely or not. BUT, I will say, IF you do catch him cheating, DO NOT put up with it. Leave him! But, wait until you catch him to assume hes doing it :-)

BTW- Sorry this is confusing, I hope you can understand what Im saying lol. Also, I dont think your husband has cheated, I think it is a call for help, a desperate attempt to get your attention. Talk to him about it. Work on it :-)

Good luck!

 
Old 11-18-2003, 09:08 AM   #10
rif
Inactive
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Posts: 110
rif HB User
Why aren't you asking your husband what he means?

 
Old 11-18-2003, 10:23 AM   #11
atlantalady
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Atlanta GA
Posts: 112
atlantalady HB User
I don't think he's cheated, but he's tired of you accusing him of looking, talking, etc....you must give him a hard time regularly. I would back off w/the nagging and start listening. What is it that causes you to feel like he's cheating? Has something happened in the past that brings these worries on, or are you not happy with yourself and since you aren't happy, feel that he isn't either and would look elsewhere?

 
Old 11-18-2003, 10:27 AM   #12
damaged
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 50
damaged HB User
delete.....

Last edited by damaged; 11-18-2003 at 01:41 PM.

 
Old 11-19-2003, 07:16 PM   #13
untrustingbride
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 44
untrustingbride HB User
I'm sorry, damaged,

but it doesn't show what your husband wrote...can you paste it in again?

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
My Husband, 43 yrs. old was just dx with prostate ca, gleason score of 6 sbear1102 Cancer: Prostate 70 03-08-2011 09:41 PM
My Husband has Prostate Cancer - now what? Wildewoman Cancer: Prostate 42 10-28-2010 10:00 PM
Rumours about husband cheating... Love2Ski Relationship Health 7 09-17-2009 06:57 PM
Ex wife emailing husband ramal2005 Relationship Health 9 03-31-2009 02:58 PM
I think husband has narcissistic pd marie2370 Relationship Health 13 01-20-2009 07:39 PM
Missing my husband showe0005 Acute Respiratory Distress Syndrome (ARDS) 14 01-08-2009 09:09 PM
Co-worker sent husband naked pic trystme Relationship Health 73 10-24-2008 06:14 AM
husband unstable on vacation 4support Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 80 09-17-2007 05:20 PM
love my husband, BUT feel I' NOT in love Ava_31 Relationship Health 60 04-11-2007 10:50 PM
Is my husband bipolar or depressed??? Kymberlee Family & Friends of the Mentally Ill 6 04-26-2005 11:44 AM




Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:36 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2017 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!