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My husband wrote me this

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Old 11-17-2003, 09:37 PM   #1
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damaged HB User
Unhappy My husband wrote me this

thanks for all your help

Last edited by damaged; 11-18-2003 at 01:43 PM.

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Old 11-17-2003, 10:00 PM   #2
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butterfly2003 HB User
First off let me ask you what the problem was? Why did he even write this to you, was it out of the blue or have you been having problems?
From someone who has no idea about what is going on behind that letter or note, I would say that he is upset that you have issues with trust. It seems like he is upset that you seem to be worried about yourself getting hurt, but you dont seem to be all that worried about anyone else's feelings. He also sounds concerned that your (or his???) jealousy and lack of trust could hurt your marriage. I dont know, though, because you didn't give any details behind it. Let us know some more, so we can help you further.

Old 11-17-2003, 10:21 PM   #3
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damaged HB User

Last edited by damaged; 11-18-2003 at 01:43 PM.

Old 11-17-2003, 10:45 PM   #4
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Has he ever been unfaithful to you? Where do you suppose you get your insecurities from? It doesn't sound like he has been unfaithful from what he wrote, but if he has in the past, maybe that could be an issue now, but I dont know. I just think that he's concerned for your marriage. Talk it over with him and ask him what he meant by what he wrote. Communication is so important, just as important as trust (and the absence of jealousy). Keep us posted!

Old 11-17-2003, 11:03 PM   #5
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Sounds like to me that hes saying ,"If you love me you will be happy for me that I have found someone else that can make me happy sexually,and not be jealous"."And that you should trust that I will always be here for you reguardless of who else I screw".
Thats what it sounds like to me !

Last edited by daylight568; 11-17-2003 at 11:03 PM.

Old 11-17-2003, 11:38 PM   #6
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It sounds to me that he feels that since he is always being accused of cheating then he might as well do it since he has already been paying the price for it. It doesnít sound like heís cheated yet but you two really need to sit down and work out trust issues or things could take a turn for the worse. I donít really know the background here so this is JMO from his letter.

Old 11-18-2003, 02:09 AM   #7
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To me it looks as though he has told you countless times that he can be trusted, but you constantly accuse him of being unfaithful. A lot of people who get sick and tired of wasting their breath end up writing a letter hoping it will get through to the other person.

I don't believe he has been unfaithful and don't even think that he wants to be unfaithful.........BUT........considerin g you are always accusing him of this, then he feels as though you are driving him away and that he may as well go and be with another woman.

Trust me, if your husband wanted to cheat he would have by now. The fact he wrote the letter shows he truly does care about your marriage.

The two of you badly need to go and speak to a marriage counsellor or something along those lines. Possibly your problems are too big for the two of you to sort out together as you will constantly doubt that he is being honest with you.

You need to go way back and look at where your insecurities first started and what they are a result of. Best of luck and feel free to ask for help off these boards.

Last edited by Audrey-B; 11-18-2003 at 02:11 AM.

Old 11-18-2003, 06:49 AM   #8
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ana_24 HB User
I don't think he's been unfaithful yet, but this is almost a warning. If you continue to accuse him, you may just drive him away enough that he will cheat.. since he has to live with all the consequences now anyway.

Old 11-18-2003, 07:14 AM   #9
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SweetTemptation HB User
I used to have huge jealousy issues with my livei n boyfriend. Most of them sprung from previous relationships, not even nessacarily from things that my current boyfriend did. He got so sick of always being accused of cheating and lying. It almost ruined our relationship. When he finally told me that I need to learn to trust him or we couldnt work, that was a wake up call. I knew he was ready to leave me because he couldnt handly my trust issues anymore. That was the turning point for me. That is when I decided that I NEEDED to get over the jealousy for the sake of our relationship. The way I see it is this; either a guy has a faithful heart or he has an unfaithful heart. If a guy is going to cheat on you, he will eventually do it. If hes faithful, he wont. It has nothing to do with you being jealous or watching him. A guy will always find a way around it. So for you to be jealous all the time doesnt stop him from being cheating on you. It may force him to be a bit more careful if he does cheat as far as leaving "evidence" behind, but if he wants to cheat, he will. I dont believe that a guy wont or shouldnt cheat just because his gf or wife is watching him. Its like this quote Ive heard "Integrity is doing the right thing knowing that no one is ever going to know whether you did it or not". I believe the same goes for cheating as well. If he wants to cheat he will. If he doesnt want to cheat, he wont. Regardless of you watching him closely or not. BUT, I will say, IF you do catch him cheating, DO NOT put up with it. Leave him! But, wait until you catch him to assume hes doing it :-)

BTW- Sorry this is confusing, I hope you can understand what Im saying lol. Also, I dont think your husband has cheated, I think it is a call for help, a desperate attempt to get your attention. Talk to him about it. Work on it :-)

Good luck!

Old 11-18-2003, 09:08 AM   #10
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rif HB User
Why aren't you asking your husband what he means?

Old 11-18-2003, 10:23 AM   #11
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I don't think he's cheated, but he's tired of you accusing him of looking, talking, must give him a hard time regularly. I would back off w/the nagging and start listening. What is it that causes you to feel like he's cheating? Has something happened in the past that brings these worries on, or are you not happy with yourself and since you aren't happy, feel that he isn't either and would look elsewhere?

Old 11-18-2003, 10:27 AM   #12
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damaged HB User

Last edited by damaged; 11-18-2003 at 01:41 PM.

Old 11-19-2003, 07:16 PM   #13
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untrustingbride HB User
I'm sorry, damaged,

but it doesn't show what your husband wrote...can you paste it in again?

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