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What on earth is wrong with him????????

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Old 11-18-2003, 08:31 PM   #1
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: sydney australia
Posts: 452
ellekay HB User
What on earth is wrong with him????????

Ive posted about this person before...
We've been friends for several years now. Spoken about being together about a yr ago. He told me he wasnt ready for a committment with anyone but that he had feelings for me, so i left it alone.

Last night we spoke and the conversation came up about "us" and i told him that i understand why we cant be together ( i was lying through my teeth) but then he said to me that he DOESNT understand, and doesnt know why it has to be like this because he confuses himself!!

Bare in mind this person sufferes anxiety and somewhat depression and doesnt really think about his future much, in terms of what is wrong for him and what is right. He's always scared and confused.
What does one do in a crazy situation like this?
I love him very much and i have waited so long for him but i feel i maybe waiting in vein. I dont wanna give up on him.


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Old 11-18-2003, 09:09 PM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: NY
Posts: 483
stolie HB User
I would look elsewhere for now. As someone who has in the past and still suffers from anxiety and depression, it is hard to feel like you have much to offer another person when you can barely take care of yourself. I have always felt that I should be able to share and give of myself to a partner in a relationship, but when you feel empty and lost, as they say, "you can't give what you don't have." It's very sad and confusing, but I've experienced what he's talking about.

That's no guarantee that's the whole story in this case - maybe he has other reasons too that are holding him back, but it sounds like he needs help and probably won't be ready for a relationship with anyone for quite a while. Of course, if he starts dating someone else next week, then I'd say he was just making excuses to you.

Last edited by stolie; 11-18-2003 at 09:10 PM.

Old 11-18-2003, 11:07 PM   #3
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: sydney australia
Posts: 452
ellekay HB User
Thanks for your reply....
I do understand what he's going through-ive been there myself and i think a part of me is still there. Its just hard to let go and also be "mates" with someone u love so deeply.


Old 11-19-2003, 02:17 AM   #4
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: miami, Fl
Posts: 412
mochi* HB Usermochi* HB User
I have been in the same situation as you. About three years ago my best guy friend and I admitted we had feelings for each other. I wanted a realtionship. He was scared. He was hot and cold, changed his mind every other day. He wanted to be with me, but was afriad to hurt me. And he did. HE BROKE MY HEART. After a very rocky 2 years of trying to make it work, he finally came through. He has been wondeful to me for the alst year and half, but I have never recovered from all the s*** he put me through. We are breaking up, after three years. Trying to stay friends. I should have backed off when he hinted that he wasn't ready. I was just so sure that things would work out because we loved each other so much, and were already friends. But, as much better as it made the realtionship, it made it even more apinful when he let me down.
My advice to you,
give him his space. Let it cool down for a while because you both have strong feelings, and things may happen even if he is ot ready yet, making it even more confusing. Move on for now, find someone who is ready to be in a realtionship. It's so ahrd to ignore the love you have for someone or top uinderstand how they can love you justa s much, but not want to get involved. It sucks. But, I've been through it, and if I could do it again, I WOULD AHVE LEFT IT ALONE and just stayed friends.

Old 11-19-2003, 10:24 AM   #5
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Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,531
SophiaM HB User
There is nothing worse that can happen to a woman than a depressed, perpetually confused man who is so confused he actually confuses himself. Trust me, if you ever do have a relationship with him, he'll make you so miserable you'd wish you had never started it. Leave him alone to sort out all his confusion and find someone who actually wants you. You will be putting yourself through hell if you date this guy. Confused men generally don't just wake up one day and see things clearly. Usually they just remain confused for a long time, possibly forever. Why torture yourself? I've been there, I know.

Old 11-19-2003, 03:33 PM   #6
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 503
maryett HB User
I am married to a man who has been suffering from anxiety/panic disorder and depression for the past 4 years and my advice is as before - don't go there! Why have you set your sights on a man who is not capable of giving you happiness? I guarantee you there will be no wine and roses with this one. Sometimes love is not enough to ensure happiness.

Old 11-20-2003, 04:13 AM   #7
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: sydney australia
Posts: 452
ellekay HB User
Re: What on earth is wrong with him????????

Thank u for your replies...u have all made so much sense, but my problem is i have fallen in love wth him and cant get the hell out!
Its even harder coz we r family friends so we r gonna be in each others lives in one way or another.

I always think if its not gonna be me invoved with him, it will be another and i cant bare that thought at all!
Ive dug myself a hole.

Old 11-21-2003, 12:22 AM   #8
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 548
bluesnowflake HB User
Re: What on earth is wrong with him????????

I am at where you are at this moment as well. Best friends, want to be together...but he is suffering from a bit of depression and feels lost in the world. i can't back out of his life now! I have fallen for him, and he feels the same. He cheers when I meet guys, but also says he is insanely jealous...I have tried to move on, I really have. I just can't. I can't pretend I don't love him. He tries too pretend we aren't 'real' anymore, but always says something in the end to make it got the other way. Right now he lives about 1200 miles from me, so its quite impossible to start a relationship at this time. This is his concern. Why can't we all just have the guy next door to fall in love with and love us back!??

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