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  • Husband lies for little things! Just like a kid!!!

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    Old 11-26-2003, 08:48 AM   #1
    Emi001
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    Question Husband lies for little things! Just like a kid!!!

    Hello, I am marrid to this man for about 10 years. He's is a people please and he lies about the littlest things and it's getting to me! Over the years I noticed he will lie about stuff that made me think WHY Would u lie about this?
    He makes good $. But if he wants to get something he thinks I will get up set about , he will lie about it. Just like a kid scared of his mom.
    What I told him over and over is The lie makes me mad more than anything! And seeing his like this little kid!
    I ALWAYS find out what ever it is cuz he's not a good lier.
    It's really to the point I am sick of all this.
    We went to 2 diff Shrinks. And last week a new one. I have a stong tell it like it is personality and I know he just want to tell me what I want to hear.
    I thought about the what else, but like i said he's not a good lier so If there's other things I would know by now. He comes home the say time, Doesn't go out much.
    He's just a acting like a little kid who can't be him self at times.
    I know people lie and white lie about things but anyone else have the same problem with their Husband?
    Thanks for reading.

     
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    Old 11-26-2003, 02:25 PM   #2
    Magnetic
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    Re: Husband lies for little things! Just like a kid!!!

    If you are a dominating woman and have given him trouble in the past about spending money, he may have developed the habit of hiding things from you and, in fact, it may actually be a bit of a game with him. Maybe you usually find out, but I bet he has bought a few things you never found out about and, especially if you are dominant, he might be getting some secret pleasure out of this and he may not even be aware of it.

    If money is not a major concern, lighten up a bit. Why must you ask him where every last dollar went? Maybe you should agree that each of you can spend a certain amount each month, no questions asked. Thus, if you currently get on his case if he spends $10 on something, stop saying anything about it. If you say nothing, especially if he knows that you know he got something, then any thrill of hiding stuff from you will die. Over time, he may stop. Or, if you see he bought something that he is trying to hide, rather than give him trouble about it, try to appear interested in it - do anything but be angry or upset.

    As a last resort, sit down and have a heart to heart talk. See if he will open up and explain why he does these things. He may be too afraid to open up, but at least give him the chance and be certain to not appear upset.

    You say he acts likes a child. Maybe you act too much like his mother - let him be a man, and maybe he will start to act more like one.

     
    Old 11-26-2003, 04:06 PM   #3
    Emi001
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    Re: Husband lies for little things! Just like a kid!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Magnetic
    If you are a dominating woman and have given him trouble in the past about spending money, he may have developed the habit of hiding things from you and, in fact, it may actually be a bit of a game with him. Maybe you usually find out, but I bet he has bought a few things you never found out about and, especially if you are dominant, he might be getting some secret pleasure out of this and he may not even be aware of it.

    If money is not a major concern, lighten up a bit. Why must you ask him where every last dollar went? Maybe you should agree that each of you can spend a certain amount each month, no questions asked. Thus, if you currently get on his case if he spends $10 on something, stop saying anything about it. If you say nothing, especially if he knows that you know he got something, then any thrill of hiding stuff from you will die. Over time, he may stop. Or, if you see he bought something that he is trying to hide, rather than give him trouble about it, try to appear interested in it - do anything but be angry or upset.

    As a last resort, sit down and have a heart to heart talk. See if he will open up and explain why he does these things. He may be too afraid to open up, but at least give him the chance and be certain to not appear upset.

    You say he acts likes a child. Maybe you act too much like his mother - let him be a man, and maybe he will start to act more like one.



    Thanks for the reply.
    Believe me I do NOT want or be like his mom nor do I act like one.
    I just happen to find things out after the fact that makes me ask what's the big deal?
    ANd I never said I count every penny on what he spends on.
    He works hard for his good pay so I don't care. What i care is why he lies about little things.
    He came from a strict family so maybe it's from that.
    Thanks for reading.
    Emi

     
    Old 11-28-2003, 01:24 PM   #4
    Ophelia1920
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    Re: Husband lies for little things! Just like a kid!!!

    I can relate. My husband lied quite a bit. We were together for over a year before I found out he was a smoker (he hid it well although I suspected it and brought it up). He lied about stupid little things (sound familiar?). It did seem to get worse over the years, especially when he started an online game called "Everquest".

    Like you, I would find things out "after the fact" and then confront him on it, which then he of course denied it even if I had the proof (like a receipt for cigarettes) right in my hand.

    He made up lies to cover up the original lies and it just got worse. I seriously thought about throwing him out a couple times. I did go to a counselor, but only once and it didn't work out. I should have found another one and kept going.

    The worst part is, I will never, ever find out while I am living on this earth why he lied so much. He died at age 30 from a brain aneurysm. Now, maybe there was something "wrong" up there all his life, and maybe with a combination of bad upbringing (his mother is a nutcase), that could be why he lied. I really don't know. I think my husband may also have been a "people pleaser". He wanted to make himself look better and fit in. His lies may have also cost him his life. I went on vacation with my Mom for a few days, and said he should take some vacation days also. He said he did not want to. So I thought he was at work, and that was why I could not get a hold of him. Turns out he DID take some vacation days, so when he first got sick he was at home, and no one expected him to show up for work.

    He has been gone for over 2 years now and I still struggle with this issue, and it still makes me angry that he did that to me.

    My advice would be, if you are not "clicking" with the counselors you have seen, keep going to different ones until you find one who really seems to be able to help you. I would also recommend going by yourself at first. Then see if he will start going with, and try to get him to have some alone time with the counselor. He may open up to her because with her he has nothing to lose, with you he does, maybe that is why he won't talk to you about it or admit he has a problem. He probably thinks he doesn't have a problem.

    DON"T GIVE UP! He should NOT be lying to you and you should not just give up and "accept" that he does.

    I don't want to post my email address here for fear of spammers, but maybe there is some way we could privately email each other. I'd like to know how it goes with you.

    Please, don't give up! I wished I hadn't.

    Last edited by moderator2; 12-03-2003 at 02:01 PM. Reason: Do not use these forums for private contact in any way. Please use them as you agreed to do, publicly and anonymously. Thank you.

     
    Old 11-28-2003, 01:59 PM   #5
    Emi001
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    Re: Husband lies for little things! Just like a kid!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ophelia1920
    I can relate. My husband lied quite a bit. We were together for over a year before I found out he was a smoker (he hid it well although I suspected it and brought it up). He lied about stupid little things (sound familiar?). It did seem to get worse over the years, especially when he started an online game called "Everquest".

    Like you, I would find things out "after the fact" and then confront him on it, which then he of course denied it even if I had the proof (like a receipt for cigarettes) right in my hand.

    He made up lies to cover up the original lies and it just got worse. I seriously thought about throwing him out a couple times. I did go to a counselor, but only once and it didn't work out. I should have found another one and kept going.

    The worst part is, I will never, ever find out while I am living on this earth why he lied so much. He died at age 30 from a brain aneurysm. Now, maybe there was something "wrong" up there all his life, and maybe with a combination of bad upbringing (his mother is a nutcase), that could be why he lied. I really don't know. I think my husband may also have been a "people pleaser". He wanted to make himself look better and fit in. His lies may have also cost him his life. I went on vacation with my Mom for a few days, and said he should take some vacation days also. He said he did not want to. So I thought he was at work, and that was why I could not get a hold of him. Turns out he DID take some vacation days, so when he first got sick he was at home, and no one expected him to show up for work.

    He has been gone for over 2 years now and I still struggle with this issue, and it still makes me angry that he did that to me.

    My advice would be, if you are not "clicking" with the counselors you have seen, keep going to different ones until you find one who really seems to be able to help you. I would also recommend going by yourself at first. Then see if he will start going with, and try to get him to have some alone time with the counselor. He may open up to her because with her he has nothing to lose, with you he does, maybe that is why he won't talk to you about it or admit he has a problem. He probably thinks he doesn't have a problem.

    DON"T GIVE UP! He should NOT be lying to you and you should not just give up and "accept" that he does.

    I don't want to post my email address here for fear of spammers, but maybe there is some way we could privately email each other. I'd like to know how it goes with you.

    Please, don't give up! I wished I hadn't.









    Hello, Thank u so much for the reply. And so sorry to hear about your husband.

    For my husband, I see the connection him being this way and the way he was raised in his family. He's so insecure how or what people think of him so he would say things to make him self look good. And it's all in his mind. His parents Exceped alot out of him and as a child, he felt like he needed to make "them" happy. SO when he wanted to make him self Happy and he thinks others will think other wise he lied to get what he wanted.
    The things he lies is such a small things and at first when I got married, I took it really bad.
    Thinking The what else. and all that.
    He's doing the Dr Phil's work book and the things he shares about his feelings and fears, it's making sence.
    But at the same time, I feel like no one cares about how I feel.
    Im sure like others, we have a few agreements on $.
    and he didn't keep his agreement and that makes me mad is he didn't feel like talking about it with me first after HE"s the one who made this agreement.
    So, I told him I know all your life you worried about what people think, and not being sure about yourself but it's time to do something about this being 30 and all.
    ANyway thank u so much!
    (removed)
    Emi

    Last edited by Guardian; 11-28-2003 at 02:52 PM.

     
    Old 12-02-2003, 11:01 AM   #6
    Ophelia1920
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    Question Re: Husband lies for little things! Just like a kid!!!

    Hi Emi, how's it going? Any progress?

     
    Old 12-02-2003, 01:01 PM   #7
    Emi001
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    Re: Husband lies for little things! Just like a kid!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ophelia1920
    Hi Emi, how's it going? Any progress?

    Hi thanks for asking.
    We have an appt with the Shrink
    Next week. We talked alot about things over the past few days.
    He's says he likes the Dr phil Work book and also the Tapes from the books. So he's working on it . I just have to see how it goes for now. Im sure he'll learn more about himself at the appt.
    Thanks for reading.
    Emi

     
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