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-   -   He only tells me what I want to hear, boyfriend being lazy (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/129761-he-only-tells-me-what-i-want-hear-boyfriend-being-lazy.html)

courtneyclv 11-26-2003 03:10 PM

He only tells me what I want to hear, boyfriend being lazy
 
To make a long story short..my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years is driving me crazy. He keeps telling me he will get a second job but won't. (I tried to help him get a job at my place which pays good money and he wont call the manager back) He misses work to clean our apartment but just stays home and watches movies instead. I bought him a scooter for about $1500 last month and he said he will pay me back weekly. (I have only received 200.00 in the last month!)
If his work is bad and I pay his bills for the month he says he will pay me back for that but doesn't.
Another thing is that over two years ago I got engaged to him. I don't wear my ring though because I don't think he is very serious about our future. He won't talk to me about our financial future (he has no credit at all) and he doesn't want to save money or anything. Also, he has no savings and no money. If I wear my ring people will ask about a wedding. What am I going to do..pay for it myself??? The fact that he won't even discuss our future really bothers me. I know he wants to be with me and I do want to be with him..but only if he can get RESPONSIBLE.
There were a couple of speeches he gave me about how he wants to be with me and he will try to do better...but in the long run I keep hearing all of this bull$hit and see no action from him. I know he loves me but I am tired of being with someone who 'lies' to me about what he is going to do and how he is going to change.

untrustingbride 11-26-2003 05:49 PM

Re: He only tells me what I want to hear, boyfriend being lazy
 
Ugh...I have been there before. (once married to a musician just like that!) It's hard because you want to believe them, and you can hear the sincerity in their voice, but always in the end a disappointment! I am actually married now to a man who loves me very much, but isn't so great with money. He doesn't really care as much as I do about the budget I made, and if it weren't for my constantly reminding him: "but we don't HAVE the money for that right now!" I think we'd be SO broke.

What I suggest is this: When he asks for money, tell him that things are kind of tight this month, and you are SO sorry! You will try to help him NEXT month. Forget about the scooter...unfortunately, that is probably a lost cause at this point. (small loss considering what you could be losing in the future!)

You see, he needs to begin to know that you as his safety net is no longer available. He doesn't have to push himself to survive because he KNOWS you will save him when he needs it!!! The trick is to not harp on him getting a job or repaying you for whatever, but to gently slide away the financial fostering you've been giving him! This is a very passive and gentle way of saying "do it yourself!" He can't get angry with you because you can't help him this month because if you do "YOU will be in financial straights!"

I KNOW from experience this works. But if you keep helping him you will one day find yourself in a WHOLE HEAP of DEBT which will have HIS name and YOUR resentment all over it!!!

What you're doing doesn't seem to hit home with him....so switch strategies....at least give it a try!

ajoliefan 11-26-2003 06:09 PM

Re: He only tells me what I want to hear, boyfriend being lazy
 
I know he loves me but I am tired of being with someone who 'lies' to me about what he is going to do and how he is going to change.[/QUOTE]


I know exactly what you mean. I too have a boyfriend that lies to me constantly. They never will change no matter what we do, they have to
want to on their own. I just lost alot of feelings for mine...thats what
his pathological lying did to me...pretty soon i wont have none left, and
then he will be without me..


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