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    Old 11-27-2003, 12:57 AM   #1
    LostFirstLove
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    Question What does this mean about her?

    Ok check this out....

    My gf broke up with me last month, then about 2 or 3 weeks ago after technically being broke up already we finally both called it quits. I still love her alot and she loves me alot. We don't want to see each other be with anyone else. I have alot of anger problems and its uncontrolable when I do get angry as if I black out. I havent really looked for a job all summer so she had to spend most of her money on us and she had to travel 2 hours each time to come see me. I didnt have a car but am currently buying one this friday. I have a job now and I wasnt going to school but I am in January.

    I am going to a counselor for my anger and also for my insecurities and I feel I am changing alot of things I probably would have never changed if it wasnt for her in my life. She is the first girl I have ever LOVED I never told any other girl "I love You" ever and never did what I did for her to anyone else. I always trusted her way too much I felt and then as a quick reaction it seems that I built a shield and thought of her to cheat on me or do something I didnt like or somethign behind my back, even though I trust her so much. Is that possible to get over????

    But I have been trying to read books, talk with friends, goto counseling and even pray to God for change to take place in my life, I never even went or thought of going to a counselor before so this is all new to me. Considering my parents used to fight alot and my dad had a huge anger problem to the point where he cusses you out at the top of his lungs and breaks things and punches things, me and him used to fight and he punched me in the face before, believe me she doesnt know any of that. But now my dad is way different since he has been going to church and changing his life he isnt ever angry anymore its wierd, but sometimes I still am like that the way he is and need help to get over it.

    But I cussed out my gf a few days ago, and then apologized again and again ive done it quite often in our relationship when she doesnt do anything wrong, were not together anymore, but the last few days, we started telling each other we miss each other and I know the rules are you are supposed to get over each other and move on and not act like youre together anymore if you want to be friends, yet I have been breaking those rules and not sure if im supposed to is this what a girl really wants?

    But she says she loves me and misses me and she says she hates that fact she does, but she also says she misses me and loves me and really wants to talk to me and we both tell each other that and things are starting to feel like how they were when we first got together, like the old flame is there again and getting hotter, and things look like they are getting better, why is this? Does she want to go out with me still?

    To be honest I had this dream that seemed so real that she asked me in the softest beautifulest voice ive ever heard to not go away and not leave her and stuff and that we'll get back together again soon. And I told her that dream and she said she had to be honest that she kind of felt that way too, so is this a real dream from God or whats up here?

    I need to know how a girl thinks on this what is going on? are we going to get back together or whats happening?

     
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    Old 11-27-2003, 03:39 AM   #2
    SweetTemptation
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    Re: What does this mean about her?

    Why did you two break up in the first place. From what it sounds like, she broke up with you because she kinda gave up on you maybe?? She probably couldnt handle your anger problem anymore; the distance, you not working, etc. She probably felt like she was the only one putting anything into the relationship, and she couldnt handle it anymore. I suggest YOU get YOUR life back on track first, THEN think about getting back together. It sounds as if you are working towards that, so thats good. Keep going to counseling and get a hold of your anger problem, get a job, go to school, get a car. Once you have all that, then work on her. It all goes together, start with a job and your anger. You can do those 2 at the same time. Continue counseling until you are COMPLETELY better. If you have to go all your life, then do so! Get a job, therefore you can have money to spend on her and your relationship. Get a car so you can go see her instead of her going to see you. Picture this, when you go see her in your new car, stop on the way and get her a little gift, whether its flowers, a card, etc. Anything you think she may like. That covers 2 areas of it. You have a car, and you have money, that shows her that. Work towards that. If you really love her, you will have to get some motivation in your life. Stop sitting around doing nothing, get on it and get her back! Think about it, no one wants a lazy, unmotivated boyfriend or girlfriend. Be sure to keep her updated on your progress to keep her interest. Youre gonna need to work really hard to get her back, so its up to you if shes worth it! Good luck!

    By the way- about the dream....sounds to me like you really do love her, and basically your subconsious is telling you exactly what you WANT to happen. It doesnt mean it will happen, but its definately something you hope for.

     
    Old 11-27-2003, 01:05 PM   #3
    desertdweller
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    Re: What does this mean about her?

    You two made the right decision to break up. It will take a long time for you to figure out your problems. Now is not the time to be in a relationship. Thank her for helping you to see you need help, and go on in your counselling and improvement of yourself. Maybe, maybe not, after a long time, you will end up together again. Your relationships will be much better with time, work on yourself for now.

     
    Old 11-28-2003, 10:27 AM   #4
    Deep_in_Thought
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    Re: What does this mean about her?

    LostFirstLove,
    I agree with the other posters. Basically, you need to need to love yourself before you can love someone else. This means that you need to get your life together, and healed, before you can be part of a healthy, happy relationship with someone else.

    For example, I have come to the conclusion that I need to establish myself before I can totally immerse myself in a relationship with someone else. For me, this means that I need to have a job which will allow me to live comfortably on my own, and meet my own needs (financial and otherwise). This way, I can come from a strong base when I seek out someone to spend my free time with. With this stability and strength, I will know that I am strong, independent woman who deserves to be with a strong, independent man. Does this make sense to you?

    Keep us posted on your progress .

    Colleen

     
    Old 11-28-2003, 08:46 PM   #5
    LostFirstLove
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    Re: What does this mean about her?

    Ok, well the car plan fell through, the person my friend was going to have me buy the car from, didnt happen. His friend flaked out and traded it off for some other beat up car and then wanted me to buy it and instead I said NO and went and deposited the 200 bux into my savings account to help save for a new car. Hopefully she'll stay interested in me long enough for me to get on track with my life. See at one point in my life I had my own place, my own car, and a job but I wasnt going to school. None of these things were "Nice" quality or anything but hey I had them at least, unlike alot of people who would be recognized as "dead beats" ya I had a job for 8 1/2 months before I got fired for missing too many days, why is that? well like she told me I valued Play MORE THAN i DO WITH wORK. Then a month later I met her and we started to go out. But all this time I kept promising I was going to get a job and everything would be better, I had even applied in the city she lives in and could have had a job at a Car Lot being a lot attendant. Yet I chose not to take it for whatever reasons,I kind of felt like I would get home sick or something, That is something I wouldnt have ever thought of doing is leaving everyone of my friends behind and family to move to where she lives, but itd made it alot easier for us I guess.

    I always wished I wouldve just took the job and stuck with it, and we wouldnt have had the fights about those and saved alot of frustrations. Alot of times I got angry mostly was because I felt she sort of drove me to it to a point, where she would get on my case alot of times about my bills and tell me what to do with my money when I get it. I guess I had felt like I was being looked upon as being incompetant and couldnt do anything for myself. So I got upset alot about that, and she went to a club and got really drunk and danced and stuff with some friends and she did it only 2 times so far but it got me really upset because I told her how I felt about her going without me to a bar or a club and she said shes going to go do it anyways. She wouldnt for whatever reasons say "ok i wont go unless your with me" but then expect me to not talk to some friends of mine who are girls, whom she expected me to have some kind of hots for or something. I tried and tried to reassure her that I only love HER and nobody else and never ever would even concieve a thought of cheating on her or even acting it out. But she asked me not to talk to them so I quit talking to them. Then when we broke up once and sort of got back together in a sense she saw that I had talked to this girl I wanted to hook up with at one time before I met her, one of the ones she didnt want me talking to and got upset at me for talking with her again. I didnt think I was doing anything wrong since we supposidly werent going out at the time.

    But then I quit talking to her and havent since then. But alot of my anger came from those little things like that, I was expected to quit doing things for her, but she couldnt quit going to a club or a bar without me. See what I am saying? But I also helped pay for things not quite often but at times but I shouldve found me a job. I have been working finally for 2 months now and currently going to school in January, and am trying to save for a car now. And I am going to get over getting jealous and upset alot of times over things like that, but I wasnt really sure if it was all my fault to get mad about those things. Yet I did have times of uncontrolled anger as well that I know needs taken care of. I sort of look at it this way, that we never really got the chance to get to know each other really well before going out so that when we got together that things would actually be ok and we would know how each other think and reason alot better than how we have saw each other as. But who knows if thats the case.

    But now we have been talking this whole week and saying we love each other and im breaking the rules a little and telling her I love her and everything still too. Yet yesterday she told me before I could say anything "I love you, "then she said my name" ". <<bad punctuation but oh well. Yet, I am on the right track im thinking I am anyways, and is there anyone who can help me, is there any good books thats helped any of you get over anger, or insecurities or helped you get out of the poverty mindset and set higher standards and achieve them? Or is there any advice on how to do this? Any advice to maybe win her heart completely back to me? As I know I am working on trying to be more stable. Yet I am young and yes I want to go out and have fun, but my idea of fun isnt going out and drinking and going to clubs. I would never do that to her if I went alone with my friends. So I wished she would understand that and be willing to say "ok" but I cant change her. I have thanked her for helping me to see things, yet, I know im not completely a idiot.

    anyways. What do I do ahhhhh. Does it seem as if she loves me still and wants to be with me still and notices change in me? Because I asked her if she noticed any change and she says "no" but not sure if she is just saying that to motivate me to go further and not stop just there like she might think I would, or if she really does mean that, what do you think? Ok well I hope to hear from you people.

    Thanks for all your help

     
    Old 11-29-2003, 08:08 AM   #6
    Leanea
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    Re: What does this mean about her?

    Let me see..you've been working for two months, started seeing a counselor, and you're going to school in January. It sounds like you're back on the right track. It sounds to me as though breaking up was good for you in a lot of ways. And the strange thing is that she doesn't see any change! Wow! That must be confusing for you (I don't get it either). At the moment my advice is to continue, but don't do it for her. Do it for yourself. It really DOES NOT MATTER whether or not SHE sees any changes because its your life. I think you know that too!

     
    Old 12-01-2003, 02:16 AM   #7
    LostFirstLove
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    Re: What does this mean about her?

    Ya I have changed alot I think and Guess what! I HAVE A CAR NOW! I bought it yesterday its pretty sweet. Its a 1985 VW Jetta, It's in good condition, I want to fix it up and get a new paint job for it soon. So ya I have to get it licensed and registered into my name and all... But I have a car and a nice fast one indeed.

    Ok me and her fought and she thinks i was being a *** earlier and some friends instant message her telling her shes fat and ugly and all this dumb stuff and telling her how dumb she is and stuff and they went as far as to make other screen names and make it sound like i was cheating on her this whole time!!!!! I was furious and so was she!! I am trying to work things out and just because they dont like her and she dont like them and because me and her kinda have arguements still, they decided its gonna be funny to do all that and made everything way bad. So she knew I had no part in it, my goodness man, I cannot believe I call them friends. They should butt out of my business and not worry about her. I LOVE HER! I dont care what they think or feel and she knows I love her and I know she loves me. Yet were not together.

    But she told me once, that I have "POVERTY LIKE TENDANCIES" what??? She tried to explain alot of it to me but still I dont quite understand does anyone know what she means by that? What is a definition of what POVERTY LIKE TENDANCIES are?

    Anyways, she still calls me and we talked and I told her I love her after all of this stuff going on, and she said she loved me right before she went to bed. So I am not certain of the future but will keep you posted. Anyways can someone answer that question? Thanks, oh ya and if anyone else could post a reply to any of the other questions then thatd be really helpful. thanks.

     
    Old 12-03-2003, 08:33 PM   #8
    LostFirstLove
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    Re: What does this mean about her?

    anyone else?

     
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