It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board

Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend


Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools Search this Thread
Old 11-29-2003, 11:25 PM   #1
Inactive
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 241
ilaugh@myself.why HB User
Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

aright.

something's wrong with me.
i cannot get past this woman.
i dream about her. i write about her. when i'm by myself my thoughts are filled with her. i miss her, as much as anyone can miss someone, and more.

i don't understand why we can't be close like we were. why she wont give me this chance.

if i was a habitual cheater, abusive, didn't make her feel special, didn't bend over backwards for her, wasn't always there for her (always) and whatnot, then i'd understand how my cheating could completely devestate things to the point of no return.

but we had a beautiful relationship. she will openly express how much of a fantasy fairy tale type of relationship we had together, prior to my cheating.

i cheated once. [removed]
other than this, our relationship was what ppl daydream about..

i just don't understand.
how we can go from completely confiding in eachother, using the bathroom in front of eachother, public sex, sharing a bed every night, constantly laughing......to this......i feel like i'm not even important to her anymore.. we barely talk, and when we do she usually gets a call she has to take and leaves me hanging.

we were so comfortable together. now we're here. all 'cause i made the mistake of cheating?

Last edited by Guardian; 12-01-2003 at 04:12 PM. Reason: Edited out sexual content

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 11-30-2003, 02:36 AM   #2
Ninispjc
Inactive
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Western USA
Posts: 1,758
Ninispjc HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

ilaugh, some women take it harder than others. Some women would brush it off, others would be upset for a while and then let it go, and others would never forgive it. You say you don't understand how you could have the fairy tale relationship one minute and now it's broken apart. Well, she's probably thinking "we had the fairy tale relationship, how could he have done that if everything he told me was true? How could he have let another woman do that to him if he loved me like he said he did? Why wasn't I enough for him?" You obviously don't think what you did was as bad as she thinks it was. And that's where the biggest problem is. If you really want her back as bad as you say you do, you need to see it from her side. You need to be sensitive to the fact that she is really this hurt by having to picture her man with some other woman being intimate with him. She's probably got all sorts of horrible images in her head, like just how the woman did what she did, the expression on your face during, etc. That can really hurt. You need to be sorry for as long as she's hurt. If you stop being sorry before she stops being hurt and angry, forget it. If you go in with the attitude of "hey, why are you so upset? How can you let this little thing I did come between us?" then she'll have a harder time forgiving you. From her point of view, you're the one who broke apart the relationship by allowing this other woman to come between the two of you. From my own personal point of view, if my man did what you did, I'd be devastated too. I don't understand why some men don't think oral sex is "that bad." It's still sex, and it's still very intimate, at least from the woman's perspective. Some people say a kiss is more intimate than intercourse because of what it involves. That's why prostitutes don't kiss on the mouth. I think the same principle applies with anything oral. It's very intimate, it requires a strong sense of trust and familiarity. But if my man did what you did, if I really really loved him, I'd forgive him eventually, but only if he showed me that he was truly sorry for what he did and understood just how badly he hurt me and swore to never do it again, and stayed sorry until I was ready to forgive him. I'm willing to bet your lady will test you to see just how badly, just what you're willing to do, to get her back. If you really love her, hang in there, do whatever you can to show her you respect and understand her point of view and try to understand that she is really hurt. But keep in mind that she may never be able to get over it, and prepare yourself for that as best you can, but give her some time and understanding before you pack it in. Good luck to you.

 
Old 11-30-2003, 08:34 AM   #3
bluesnowflake
Senior Veteran
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 548
bluesnowflake HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

Ilaugh, I think Ninispjc said it all. You really need to see it from her side...I would be very hurt if I was her, and if I knew or had any inkling that you didn't understand, I would be even more upset. How would you feel if she went and a guy went down on her for a treat? It's gonna **** you off...you are going to want her to feel about about what she allowed to happen. You lost control, and you deserve to be hurting right now. [removed] ...fairytales always have something bad happen in them, and they always work out. So deal with it.

Last edited by Guardian; 12-01-2003 at 04:11 PM. Reason: Edited out sexual content

 
Old 11-30-2003, 09:21 AM   #4
daylight568
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,593
daylight568 HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

Next time if you mess up and cheat, do your girlfriend and yourself a favor.DON'T TELL !

 
Old 11-30-2003, 11:54 AM   #5
Want 2 B Well
Senior Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 542
Want 2 B Well HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

I think the other posters said very well.
I just have one question did you "confess" or did she find out?
__________________
Married 1990
2 daughters, 7 & 12
Suffer from allergies & other aliments
Quit smoking June 3 2003
Will be 39 in Feb.
Scared to turn 40

I am a work in progress...

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

 
Old 11-30-2003, 12:30 PM   #6
burtonbabe
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 186
burtonbabe HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

If you cared about her soooo much then why would you cheat on her?

I dont understand how people can cheat on someone and then say "I dont understand why their so mad and wont forgive me."

Maybe if you loved her as much as you say you did you wouldnt have went out and get it on with some hoochie just to get your rocks off.

Sure you had a great relationship but then YOU had to go and screw it up.


How would you feel if the situation was reveresed?
__________________
Look at me
you may think you see who I really am
but youll never know me
now I see if I wear a mask I can fool the world
but I cannot fool my heart
who is that girl I see,starting straight back at me?
When will my reflection show who Iam inside..

 
Old 11-30-2003, 05:27 PM   #7
Shiloh75
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Colorado
Posts: 37
Shiloh75 HB User
Thumbs down Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by dsheldon3
Next time if you mess up and cheat, do your girlfriend and yourself a favor.DON'T TELL !


(please don't take this chic's advice)

Nini hit the nail on the head. The 'hurt' is not yours to minimize.

 
Old 11-30-2003, 06:23 PM   #8
daylight568
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,593
daylight568 HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Shiloh75


(please don't take this chic's advice)

Nini hit the nail on the head. The 'hurt' is not yours to minimize.



Been there, done that.I sympathize with [email][email protected][/email] .Everyone makes mistakes.If she ever REALLY loved you she would have forgiven you by now.Maybe someday she will.In the meantime all you can do is laugh at yourself.

 
Old 11-30-2003, 07:03 PM   #9
Inactive
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 241
ilaugh@myself.why HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

Ninispjc:
thank you for replying.
i do understand that there is no real standard amongst women (or men) that determines how upset they should or shouldn't be when present with this situation..
my X took it very, very hard indeed. but hey, it was hard on me too (not going for sympathy, just making it known that it's not something i'm trying to overlook).. i have no idea what is going thru her head.. i try to pry it out of her, 'cause i do wanna know exactly where she is, i'd like to be there for her, if possible.. but no matter what, there's this line she wont cross, and she wont let me know how she *truly* feels about this all..
do you really think she's thinking those things? even drawing pictures in her mind?
i really hope she 4gives me someday.. even tho i honestly, don't feel i deserve it.. all i know, is i love her, and now being loyal to her is a fantasy of mine.. (that's laughable huh?)
i'm going crazy. she seems so sure of herself. it makes me feel pathetic almost.
but i will always be sorry.. thank you for the good luck vibes.


bluesnowflake:
i really try to see it from her side.. but while i'm doing that, i also cannot get rid of the thought, that if she truly loved me as much as she professed, then my mistake wouldn't end everything.. and i believe she loved me *that* much, i really do, so i cling to the ohpe that this wont end it all, and someday, down the line, she will give me this 2nd chance..
[removed] thru the time i was with my X, and for the last two months that i haven't even seen her.. my actions, my cheating on her, really opened my eyes up.. and i've remained loyal, if you can call it that, ever since my encounter with the other woman..
as far as you saying "So deal with it.".. i don't appreciate your bluntness, but i'm trying.. i get the message.
thanks for the reply.


dsheldon and Want 2 B Well:
i *confessed* the very next day, after a sleepless night.. there was just no way i couldn't tell her.. i can still hardly even live with myself for doing that to her.


burtonbabe:
i don't know why i cheated..
i *do* in fact understand why she's so mad and wont 4give me.. what i don't understand is how it could end everything and push us as far apart as it has..
your 3rd statement, good point, but i know i love her, and would like to spend a lifetime with her, at *least*..
yep, i had to go screw it up.. shoot me.
i've been cheated on b4.. i thought it was terrible.. but also, i never felt about that woman the same way i feel about this woman.. the degree of feelings isn't even comparable..
thanks for the reply.. even if it did make me feel crumby.

Shiloh75:
it's never gonna happen again.. so no need to worry about hiding it..
and i'm not trying to minimize the hurt.. i'm trying to understand why we were so close, and now we're so lost.. i might sound like a hard-headed idiot, but i truly believe in my mind, that our bond 2gether should've been strong enough to survive this, and recover..


dsheldon3:
i'm hoping she will 4give me.. someday.. yep, someday.
and yep, i'll be [email protected] until it gets unfunny..
and then i'll cry some more.


thanks yall.

any more words/advice/experiences/stories, anything, would be much appreciated..

-Ryan

Last edited by Guardian; 12-01-2003 at 04:08 PM. Reason: Sexual content belongs on the sexual issues board, not on the relationship board. Thank you

 
Old 12-01-2003, 01:40 AM   #10
Leanea
Inactive
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 291
Leanea HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

You don't seem to get it. You say that you really believed that she would have put up with your cheating. Do you think in order to love someone they should have no self respect? What if you had punched her in the face...should she forgive you? You sound like a little kid who can't control his own behavior and can't be responsible. Maybe your ex doesn't wanna have to babysit you because you might make another "mistake"!
If you don't know why you cheated, then why do you need to know why she ended the relationship??? You seem to want to focus on her actions when you should be thinking about your own.
If you told her her the next day that you cheated I could think of two reasons why you may have cheated: to hurt her or make her jealous. You obviously did not tell her because you were ready to deal with the consequences like a man.... Oh wait you told her because you really believed that it would only strengthen the bond between you two, I forgot! Are a sado masochist type or something?

 
Old 12-01-2003, 01:54 AM   #11
Leanea
Inactive
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 291
Leanea HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by dsheldon3


Been there, done that.I sympathize with [email][email protected][/email] .Everyone makes mistakes.If she ever REALLY loved you she would have forgiven you by now.Maybe someday she will.In the meantime all you can do is laugh at yourself.
No. If he really loved her he would not expect forgiveness.

 
Old 12-01-2003, 02:50 AM   #12
Leanea
Inactive
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 291
Leanea HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

Sorry if that wasn't what you wanted to hear. It's just my opinion. I'm really fed up with people who cheat (men or women). I guess some people can cheat even if they love someone, but not everyone is like that nor will they put up with it as you are learning.

 
Old 12-01-2003, 08:45 AM   #13
Leanea
Inactive
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 291
Leanea HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

I'll be nice if [email protected] stops calling me maam. Lol.

 
Old 12-01-2003, 09:04 AM   #14
Want 2 B Well
Senior Veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 542
Want 2 B Well HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by [email protected]
bluesnowflake:
i really try to see it from her side.. but while i'm doing that, i also cannot get rid of the thought, that if she truly loved me as much as she professed, then my mistake wouldn't end everything.. and i believe she loved me *that* much, i really do, so i cling to the ohpe that this wont end it all, and someday, down the line, she will give me this 2nd chance..


dsheldon and Want 2 B Well:
i *confessed* the very next day, after a sleepless night.. there was just no way i couldn't tell her.. i can still hardly even live with myself for doing that to her.


burtonbabe:
i don't know why i cheated..

Shiloh75:
it's never gonna happen again.. so no need to worry about hiding it..

-Ryan
1) You have to realize that cheating IS a DEAL BREAKER.

2) A next day confession is intended to hurt. Whether you understand that or not that IS what it IS. (I think this is what you don't get.)

3) Not knowing why you cheated is a NO NO. If you do not "know" why then you are saying it WILL happen again because you don't know WHY. Do you understand that? Its like saying oops my _______ ended up in her mouth by accident. Now we know that is not true. So quit acting like that is what happened.

Bottom line
1) you know why
2) you knew it could end the relationship
3) You are asking her to eat crap with a knife and fork. I applaud her for being smart enough not too!
__________________
Married 1990
2 daughters, 7 & 12
Suffer from allergies & other aliments
Quit smoking June 3 2003
Will be 39 in Feb.
Scared to turn 40

I am a work in progress...

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

 
Old 12-01-2003, 11:16 AM   #15
devastated
Senior Veteran
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: USA
Posts: 1,073
devastated HB User
Re: Another post about me cheating on my last grlfriend

Well, being someone who was cheated on by my ex-husband, someone whom I loved more than life itself, I can tell you it is probably a good thing you guys split up. You have to understand the trust you broke....the betrayal. While forgiving may be possible, it is hard to forget. Unless she can get past the memory of your betrayal, even if she has forgiven, the suspicious feelings of "what if it happens again" is enough to probably ruin the relationship down the road. Now, some women may be able to completely forgive AND forget the hurt, and trust their s/o again, but I think that these women are few and far between. I forgave my ex-husband first 3 indescretions, because I loved him so, but even after forgiving, I never forgot, and those inner feelings of betrayal and not trusting him probably would have caused the demise of our relationship later down the road, even if he hadn't kept cheating. I'm not too good at expressing things on paper, so I hope you understand what I'm getting at. I don't think her not forgiving you means that she never loved you that much. I am in a relationship now where I adore my boyfriend, he means everything to me, but if he cheated on me, that would be it. I know now that even if I was able to forgive him, I could not forget it and trust him fully again, and for a relationship to really work, there has to be trust....suspicions, mistrust, and resentment will wear a relationship down. As said in Maxim Magazine, if your girl finds out that you cheated on her, don't try to work it out....her attitude will never be the same toward you. I think this is very true 90% of the time. I can tell you are very sorry for what you did, and I sympathize with you, but the feelings caused by cheating are VERY hard to get over for most females.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
ok found out something new since my post earlier! what do i do now! Emilysmommie05 Relationship Health 10 07-04-2009 04:36 PM
Another exercise in futility KimmyJ Multiple Sclerosis 8 01-17-2007 04:31 PM
Married w children but found another pmaapl Relationship Health 75 07-29-2006 06:00 AM
Need help, thoughts, anything LONG POST (cheating wife) onyR Relationship Health 19 08-13-2005 05:05 PM
When cheating he accuses her of it elatedgiraffe Relationship Health 49 08-05-2004 10:24 AM
rephrase...Cheating fitch78 Sexual Health - Women 9 01-11-2004 07:58 AM
addiction (1st post from a new member) rockingham Addiction & Recovery 8 09-01-2003 12:42 PM
another one of those days IamSoAngry Depression 8 04-22-2003 08:03 PM
Is he cheating???????? hollygirl05 Relationship Health 15 03-26-2003 07:53 AM




Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Sign Up Today!

Ask our community of thousands of members your health questions, and learn from others experiences. Join the conversation!

I want my free account

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:35 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2017 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!