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in love but unloved

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Old 12-05-2003, 03:58 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 119
aab77 HB User
in love but unloved

I need your help people! I am so depressed right now.. I have been seeing this guy for over a year.. but not exclusively. Its been kind of on and off ( a couple times we decided to just be friends but it never worked and we always ended up back on). Well the last month has been perfect!! Then a couple days ago I found out he has been talking to this girl he hooked up with this summer and he told her to come visit him. Well, i confronted him and he swore it didnt mean anything and he kept saying all this **** "the past month has been all about you!" Then we kept talking about it and he *********** says "i mean i know you are in love with me and im sorry i cant be the one whos in love with you but ive tried my best to make you feel special and let you knwo i do care... but im not in love with you... i love you a whole lot.... but we arent going to be together" (He said this online so i have copied it word for word.) He wants us to be able to be friends.. I dont know what to do. I am so in love with him.. all my friends say that he is not good enough for me or whatever but he is the only one i want!! What should I do??

Ok i forgot... here is some more stuff he said to me ( maybe yall can dechipher this ):
it has alot to do with aot of things.... my insecurity, my mind is all ********** up from my last girl friend, my other problems... i just dont need a girl
i enjoyed my time with you
i enjoyed every minute of it i just knwo that we wont be together forever
i wish you werent so sad.... i guess just make yourself understand that i must not be such a great guy as you thought... like you said im deceitful and full of ****....
sometimes when your vunerable you have to be... i dont need to be sa or depressed or any of those lower emotions
feel enough of those emotions on a daily basis to want to feel them because of me and you
just be my friend
and smile for me
right now your making me sad because you think it is a choice i made... if you dont have those feeling you just dont have them... not like i can make myself love anyone
i have loved you for a long time but not like be with the rest of my life love
Ok so thats what i wanted to show .. maybe someone out there can help me.

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Old 12-05-2003, 04:40 PM   #2
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 184
JessieD HB User
Re: in love but unloved

My goodness, this is sad. I feel for you. It is hard to love someone more than he loves you. He is being totally direct here, and as much as it hurts, you need to listen to him. I struggled with a man who couldn't love me enough for nine years. Finally, when he refused to have children, the one thing he knew I wouldn't give up to be with him, he did me the biggest favor ever. I am now very happily married to a man who adores me and we are expecting our first child. I hope you have a support network of friends and family to help you see that you (and everyone) deserve(s) better. This guy tells you that, I am telling you that, too. I hope you will listen.

Old 12-05-2003, 04:53 PM   #3
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Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Kailua,Hawaii, United States
Posts: 668
conniefolger HB User
Re: in love but unloved

Hello! I know that this is not going to be what you want to hear but if I am going to give you advise I must be completely honest with you ok. First of all he is making it quit clear that he can not see himself loving or being with you in the future but that he cares about you in a different way and he doesn't want to hurt you as he can not get over being hurt by someone in the past. His heart is not willing to love anyone and he does not want to be tied down just yet because he feels that he can not give you or anyone else the kind of love you want and deserve right now because he refuses to give anyone his whole heart at this point in his life. I would have to tell you that even though it hurts you must let him go and if it is meant for you and him to be together than it will happen but donot sit around waiting because that day may never come and you would have wasted your time and energy on someone like him when you could have been looking for that someone who could share the same feelings for you that you have for him. Love hurts at times and it is something we all go through and it is not that you are not worthy of his love some guys are just afraid to love. Take time to find out who you are, what you need and want in your life, take time to see what there is out in this world to offer and you maybe surprised at what you can find there is someone out there waiting for someone like you to enter his life and complete him. These one way relationships donot work and in the end you will be the one hurt and crying. I have learned the hard way that you can not make some one love or want you no matter what you say or do to try your best you will fail because this is not what he wants and you can not change a mans heart. Good Luck and I am sorry that I can not tell you the things that you would of liked to hear but honesty is the best policy especially when it comes to helping one another
connie folger

Old 12-05-2003, 05:53 PM   #4
Want 2 B Well
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Want 2 B Well HB User
Re: in love but unloved

I am so sorry for you.
He is a player but I will have to say at least he is upfront about it.
If you are looking for a husband to settle down with he is not going to be it.
Married 1990
2 daughters, 7 & 12
Suffer from allergies & other aliments
Quit smoking June 3 2003
Will be 39 in Feb.
Scared to turn 40

I am a work in progress...

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Old 12-05-2003, 07:14 PM   #5
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Posts: 119
aab77 HB User
Re: in love but unloved

ok thanks for your replies everyone. Im only 19.. hes about to be 21 in like a month. So i guess we arent really looking for marriage partners or whatever but still, i do love him. Do you think it is stupid for us to try to be friends? I have seens him for a little bit this week and twice we have hooked up... ahhh! I mean it was good and all but I know that is not the way to get over someone. We are both in college.. I am leaving in a week for the holiday break, thankfully. That should give me some time to get over it. But we are supposed to be going to this concert together in january. Would it be stupid to go (some of our other friends are going) with him? Is is stupid to stay friends??
Im not sure how i feel about it!

Originally Posted by Want 2 B Well
I am so sorry for you.
He is a player but I will have to say at least he is upfront about it.
If you are looking for a husband to settle down with he is not going to be it.

Old 02-11-2004, 07:17 PM   #6
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: sydney australia
Posts: 452
ellekay HB User
Re: in love but unloved

Its not stupid 4 u to WANT to be friends..its a natural feeling to have when u love someone, u want that person to be in your life in any way, shape or form. But only u really know if u are strong enough to handle a friendship with him, knowing the way u feel and the way he feels.

My heart goes out to u sweet heart cause i guess in a way we have all been there. You cant make someone love u. all u can do is be yourself and hope for the best.
Moving on is gonna be a ***** will have good and bad days but give yourself time to grieve. I call it the "grieving process", i myself am going through that process as we speak.
Its shattering me day to day but we need to be strong.
All i can say is that there is hope for all of us...maybe not with who we expected but there is hope.
Whatever is written will happen.
That thought keeps me going.

Let us know how u go and i wish u all the luck in the strong!


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