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  • Is my boyfriend in love with his best friend?

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    Old 12-06-2003, 01:57 AM   #1
    GettingWellAgain
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    Is my boyfriend in love with his best friend?

    My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. We've had a VERY emotional and turbulent relationship with lots of breakups and lots of fights, but have always gotten back together because we do love each other despite the nasty things that keep getting said, and the resentment towards each other that we're trying to get over. A huge part of our fights revolved around my boyfriend's best friend, who happens to be a female. He tends to get along with females better than males, but he and this girl are especially close, and have been for a couple of years now. They started working together in the first couple of months of our relationship, as my boyfriend got her the job. They work odd hours- 3pm to about 2am everyday at a factory. I have been terrifically jealous of their relationship as long as I can remember. I didn't like her flirtatious attitude the first time I met her, and still cannot stand her as she is completely self-centered, obsessed with her appearance and physical attributes, spoiled, and moody. My boyfriend is WAY in debt and his car has been broken for about 9 months now, and this girl drives him to and from work everyday also. They spend a ridiculous amount of hours a week together because of work and also hang out on the weekends for a few hours. The first time I questioned my boyfriend on whether or not he had feelings for her more than friendship was about 3 months into our relationship, and he denied it completely. I accepted that for a little while, but started getting really suspicious as he seemed to lose interest in sex with me. Throughout our entire relationship, and still to this day but not as often, she calls him with numerous favors such as picking her up a coffee, letting her borrow money, fixing her car, and so forth. It angers me to no end but I kept believing my boyfriend that nothing was going on, after breaking up with him for short periods of time because I just couldn't deal with her in his life. Also, he started picking up some of the phrases and expressions she uses slowly but surely throughout the time we've been together, and has bought her numerous things. The more I've gotten to know this girl, the more and more sure I am that she is using my boyfriend for money. She makes him constantly feel guilty about giving him rides to work (when his house is on the way!!) and he compensates by giving her gas money and buying her cigarettes. She is also very slick and "accidently" forgets to pay him back for other things such money for things she picks up on the way to work, and little items here and there. From what I've heard, she does this to ALL men, and it's the reason why she's a single mom with a diamond ring on every finger, gold chains around her neck, and cute little accessories for her car that SHE never paid a cent for. Anyway, I'm getting slightly off topic. I know this story may sound choppy and confusing, but it's such a complicated situation that I can't explain it very well. I honestly think that this girl is one of the biggest problems in our relationship. As I've said, my boyfriend and I don't get along as well as most couples, and everytime we're going through a bad spell, he exhibits all the symptoms of cheating on me. I'd like to think that this girl wouldn't sleep with him due to him being pretty much broke, but I just don't know anymore. When we're fighting, he totally absorbs himself into her life and what she's doing, talks about something cute or funny she said or did, and looks at her with stars in his eyes. When we make up, he says he does it to make me jealous, but I think it's just a coverup. I know for a fact that he's physically attracted to her b/c he'll admit to her being a very attractive girl, but says it doesn't go any farther than that. Also, he says he would never date her due to the fact that she wants a large famly, and he already has a child and does not want more children. Friends and family around me all think that I'm stupid and that it's obvious that there is something between them, but I want to believe him because she has now had a steady boyfriend now for about 5 months who she seems serious about, and he does try to make it work between us. I just can't shake the feeling that SOMETHING occured between them because they even went on vacation together (with a few other people, also) and he was more absorbed in than ever for a short while after that trip. I want to be with this man as I love him dearly still, and I have no evidence that he actually did anything, but I question everyday whether or not I should stay with a man who I strongly suspected cheated on me, and possibly several times, and maybe for several months straight. What do you guys think about this situation? Also, I want to apologize again for this story not exactly being chronologically correct and easy to read Thanks.
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    Old 12-06-2003, 06:32 AM   #2
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    Re: Is my boyfriend in love with his best friend?

    I think the way to figure out your situation is to NOT FIGHT or TALK anymore about her. DO NOT bring it up anymore. You have to decide to DROP IT or get rid of him.
    Its purely that simple.

    When you stop the fighting drama things will become "clearer" to you. Pay attention to how he feels about you (not her). Focus on you as a couple. No more fighting, bickering, snide comments, etc...

    If you are too haunted by the past then you must move on from him. Sounds very tough to do, I know.

    What I am trying to say is make a decision when you are "not fighting" or at the best in your relationship to get a clearer picture of what YOU want.
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    Old 12-06-2003, 07:45 AM   #3
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    Re: Is my boyfriend in love with his best friend?

    either deal with their friendship OR MOVE ON! ..(because the way it sounds he or she isn't going anywhere)

    you don't want to waste your time in relationship with a man who obviously plays minds games..(referring to him talking about her to get you mad at time..)..he should respect the fact that is a sensitive subject for you and makes it better for you not worse..


    GOOD LUCK..DON'T LET THEM TWO TAKE THE JOY OUT OF YOUR LIFE...

    Last edited by cee27; 12-06-2003 at 07:46 AM.

     
    Old 12-07-2003, 03:01 AM   #4
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    Re: Is my boyfriend in love with his best friend?

    I agree that his flirting with her to get you mad and jealous is either a lie or incredibly insensitive. You need to either put the past behind you and accept him at his word that they're just friends now or you need to move on. He does sound like he has a thing for her. Whether he's ever acted on it, who knows. It does sound like he puts her above you sometimes. His friendship with her seems to be something he's not willing to give up. It's a condition of being with him. Either accept that she's in his life to stay or move on.

     
    Old 12-07-2003, 08:53 PM   #5
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    Re: Is my boyfriend in love with his best friend?

    Thank you for your replies. I am now going to focus more on how he treats ME instead of how he treats HER and how our relationship is, but I'm also going to do some investigating of my own. I never saw the pictures from their vacation to Florida, and I have a feeling they're hiding in his house somewhere. Anyway, I'm going to find them and I'm also going to check his cell phone bill, as he is CONSTANTLY on his phone, gets strange phone calls, and he "doesn't know" where all his money goes. His Mobil card bill is SKY HIGH and he DOESN'T HAVE A CAR! I've been feeling like an idiot for quite some time being with him, and I'm going to focus one last time on this relationship as well as examine what might be evidence, and make my decison from there. Even if I chose to stay with him, I don't think this relationship will last much longer, anyway. The end has been brewing for a loooooooong time. Thanks again, everyone.
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    Old 12-08-2003, 03:06 PM   #6
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    Re: Is my boyfriend in love with his best friend?

    Take Care....

     
    Old 12-08-2003, 04:27 PM   #7
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    Re: Is my boyfriend in love with his best friend?

    I would just like to say WOW!! I have so been there! I used to think ( and soemtimes I wonder still) that my fiance was in love wiht his best friend that is a girl too. She would always call and ask for favors and demand things from him I wouldnt even dare ask for!! And he would do them for her and give them too her. it was crazy she would call at one inthe morning and he would go over to her house to make sure she was okay or do a favor! It made me sick then finally one day I tld him that it really bugged me and though I would never tell him who he could or couldnt be friends with or talk to I did not like the situation withthis girla nd I just wanted him to know howI felt about it!! Amazingly enough he hasnt talked to her for three weeks since then except to help her move out of her house and even then he only spent the time I was work helping her an dwas home when I got there!! When at first I bugged him about it on end he just ignored me and my feelings. Now he has shown me that he respects me and my feeling by still being friends with her but not making her a priority in his life!! It was as though we both compromised without saying we did!! I think you need to back off the issue and let him see the kind of person he is losing becaus eof what he does!!

    having said that I think from what you have said of him that he is a super jerk and that your relationship is not at all healthy and you need to listen to your friends and family and get out!! the likelihood of him cheating with her is super high!! especially becuase of the way he acts!! I would dump him and find soemthing better!! just my opinion though!!
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    Old 12-12-2003, 09:11 AM   #8
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    Re: Is my boyfriend in love with his best friend?

    How are you doing Solstice? I've always made it a point that if I have to start looking for evidence, I should get out. I wouldn't want someone to be with me and not trust me to the extent of going through my things to find out the truth. By all means, I am not putting you down. I've been there too, searching the wallet everyday for new numbers, etc.. But I won't ever do it again. Sometimes the instinct is enough, if I am tempted to do some searching, it usually means I am looking just to prove my correct suspision.

    Also, his best friend should not disrespect your relationship if she's really his best friend. Yes, men and woman can be friends. I have a male best friend of my own. But I make it a point to include his girlfriend and respect her. I wouldn't be his best friend if I wasn't supportive of the people he loves. Your boyfriend should be putting her in her place if she's disrespectful to you and he should not use her as a form of jealously between the two of you.

    So did you find anything out?

     
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