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My X is nuts ! Stalker or what could it be?


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Old 12-08-2003, 06:23 AM   #1
TomsWife
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My X is nuts ! Stalker or what could it be?

Greetings,
I have been divorced for about 3 years. I just found out recently that my X husband just bought a house. I knew he would eventually. What I didnt know that it would be 9 housed away from me !!!!! What is up with that? We live in a large city so its not like there arent tons of neighborhoods.
My fiance lives here with me. We were planning to buy a house together in about 2.5 years and move out of state. He really cant call this home (I understand). And for me, this house has a lot of old bad memories. We really need to start over and fresh, making some new memories.
Were thinking of selling the house and buying something here in town, then after a couple of years move out of state. We hope to open a B and B. Then I think, I am not going to let the x run me out of here until I am good and ready. The reason we wanted to wait 2.5 years was because I want to "retire" from my current job having 10 years. Plus, he will be finished with his child support obligations by then. When we divorced, my x signed the house over to me (nice hugh?). Ive been in the house for 16 years so there is substantial equity in it. My taxes are very low and my mortgage payment is extremly low as well. Real estate where I live is very expensive. I dont know I guess I am rambling here now. Any suggestions?
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Old 12-08-2003, 06:29 AM   #2
TomsWife
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Re: My X is nuts ! Stalker or what could it be?

Update:
Others:
Anyway in our divorce decree, it states "as of this date, Mr.______ should have removed all of his belongings out of the residence. Well, he didnt and I stored it for 2 years.
A couple of weeks ago he said that he needed to come over to pick up the rest of his stuff. (I had already taken his stuff to him when I found out that he was only 9 houses away).
He said he needed to come get his hand tools and some other stuff for the yard. I told him, "No way". You have want you are getting from this house.
Last night, our son came over to "borrow" a hand drill and a couple of other small tools-- he lives with his dad. He told me that he would return them later on. When he didnt show, I called him. He said, "What do you need these for anyway? I told him that I wanted them back today. The one person in my life that I love the most is my son. He was devistated when his dad left and now I think my son will do anything to stay in good graces with his dad.
I feel like he is taking sides and I am on the loosing team. He's 18 years old and I feel like telling him exactly how I feel. There are other things that my son has taken out of the house as well. At the very least, I am getting my house key back.
I know my x speaks poorly of me to my son. I just want both of them to go away (the x especially). I just feel like my son is taking advantage of me. I am really sad about this...
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Old 12-08-2003, 08:44 AM   #3
Ninispjc
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Re: My X is nuts ! Stalker or what could it be?

I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. Your ex doesn't sound like a very good man, and he sounds like and even worse father. What sort of father deprives his own child of his mother? You should love your kids more than you hate each other. Now your husband has created a situation for your son where he has to be disrespectful and hateful to you or lose his father. That's reprehensible on your ex's part. But you need to let your son know that even though you love him very very much, you can't allow him to walk all over you. If he doesn't return the tools to you timely, if I were you I'd file a claim in small claims court against him or your ex or both. I know some people think our society is too litigious, but I believe that's what the courts are for. It's ridiculous for someone to get away with doing something like that to you. More importantly, I think you really need to send the message that you will not be messed with. Right now your son thinks it's ok to lie to you, steal from you, and basically dump on you. It's up to you to teach him it's not ok. But let him know all the while that you're doing it because you love him and you want him to know you deserve his respect and you can't have a relationship with him if he's dumping on you. I wouldn't advise just writing him off and breaking contact with him. Years down the road, after enough missed holidays, birthdays and grandchildren you'll never meet, you'll hate yourself for it.

 
Old 12-10-2003, 10:26 PM   #4
justdoit44
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Re: My X is nuts ! Stalker or what could it be?

It does not mean he is a stalker because he moved close to you. Perhaps he wants your son to be able to be close to both of you. Perhaps he has many happy memories of the neighborhood and likes to be near them. Who knows, there could be a million. But to label him as a stalker based solely on this is plain wrong.

As for the tools, if they are his, there is no reason to not give them to him, no matter how long you had them. And if they are yours, and you do not use them, why not give them to him? You shared a child together, and who knows, perhaps it would benefit your son in some way.

I don't feel you should blame your son or get upset with him. Things are often hardest on the person caught in the middle, especially a child. It is not his fault. If your ex deliberately used your son to get the tools with the plan of keeping them, then that was wrong. But you also put your son in the middle by demanding he be the one to bring them back.

Before considering small claims court, consider the effect on your son to have his mom suing his dad in small claims court.

It sounds like you have a lot of unresolved emotions to work thru. I hope you are successful.

 
Old 12-12-2003, 05:41 AM   #5
TomsWife
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Re: My X is nuts ! Stalker or what could it be?

Quote:
Originally Posted by justdoit44
It does not mean he is a stalker because he moved close to you. Perhaps he wants your son to be able to be close to both of you. Perhaps he has many happy memories of the neighborhood and likes to be near them. Who knows, there could be a million. But to label him as a stalker based solely on this is plain wrong.

As for the tools, if they are his, there is no reason to not give them to him, no matter how long you had them. And if they are yours, and you do not use them, why not give them to him? You shared a child together, and who knows, perhaps it would benefit your son in some way.

I don't feel you should blame your son or get upset with him. Things are often hardest on the person caught in the middle, especially a child. It is not his fault. If your ex deliberately used your son to get the tools with the plan of keeping them, then that was wrong. But you also put your son in the middle by demanding he be the one to bring them back.

Before considering small claims court, consider the effect on your son to have his mom suing his dad in small claims court.

It sounds like you have a lot of unresolved emotions to work thru. I hope you are successful.
Did you read both of my posts? The tools are not his. And I do use them. You dont feel like I should be upset with my son? He is 18 years old and knows the difference (or so I thought) between right and wrong. HE "borrowed" MY tools. I believe my x did use my son to get the tools. He put my son in a tough place. Again did you read my posts? What gives you the idea that I have alot of unresolved issues. Please explain......
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Old 12-12-2003, 08:04 AM   #6
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Re: My X is nuts ! Stalker or what could it be?

First I would go over and get the tools back,they are yours after all and you honestly dont have to let anyone "borrow" them that you dont want to.
As for stalking humm that can be iffy. Look into your state's laws regarding stalking to see what they define as stalking. Some states have some really tough laws and others are more loose. Take New York for example,you can file a stalking charge on someone if you notice them following you more than once. It varies so find out what your state laws are.
Now you do need to sit down and talk with your son. Let him know you love him no matter what. Make sure you show him that you love him. But let him know that you arent going to let his father borrow any more tools or whatever. His father is a grown man and can take care of his own needs for tools and such.
Other than that just dont worry over it,go on with your life and dont worry over whatyour ex is doing or saying about you. Your son is old enough to decide for himself on what he should or shouldnt believe from his father. Just make sure that you let him know that no matter what you love him.
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Old 12-12-2003, 08:18 AM   #7
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Re: My X is nuts ! Stalker or what could it be?

I agree with everything Blastoff said. Also, the fact your ex lives nine houses away does not automatically make him a stalker. Surprisingly, a lot of divorced couples end up living in close proximity, I read it in an article somewhere, so it must be quite common.

Yes, it must be annoying for you to have him live in the same neighborhood, and to have your son borrow tools from you, but look at it this way: they're just tools. Is it worth to start a major battle over some tools? I would let this one go. Your husband might be somewhat jealous of your fiancee and is just trying to get some negative attention. Ignore it and he will go away. If he starts pestering you and pick up fights, that's another story. But right now just live your own life. You don't have to lend them anything else if you don't want to.

 
Old 12-12-2003, 12:46 PM   #8
TomsWife
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Re: My X is nuts ! Stalker or what could it be?

Blastoff and Sophia,
Thanks for your replies. I am not going to go over and get the tools. Its just been a matter of how my son and X handled it. You can bet that I will not let my son borrow anything anymore and that is sad in itself. I am sure my son knows that I love him. But what he also needs to know is that I am not a door mat. It just hurts really bad because I feel like he is picking sides.
Another poster got after me saying I had unresolved issues. I dont believe I do. What my son did was wrong. Yes they are only tools and can be replaced. Its just the principal of how it was handled.
Thanks to most of you for your kind words and support.
Marilyn
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