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help this is long but im confused

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Old 12-28-2003, 08:06 AM   #1
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: memphis
Posts: 4
lostinmemphis HB User
Question help this is long but im confused

Help me! I am 22 years old and have been with a man for 2and a half years. Before meeting him I didnt think I would ever love I used men for whatever I could get and left them I didnt think they were good for anything but free meals and shopping I would get what I could out of them and when they tried to sleep with me I would leave them I had seen my mom get her heart broken so many times and swore it would never happen to me. Then the impossible happened I met this man and after the first month knew it was different I stopped talking to any other men and I fell hard for him we spent every possible minute togather. After about 5 months of that he called one day and said he needed to talk to me and that he was coming over he came over and said that he had been offered a independent location in Memphis and would be moving back to Memphis for work and that it was not just for him but could be good for me and that he loved me and didnt want to lose me and would be able to see him all the time. This was a month before Christmas and I lost my mind. Two weeks before X-mas 2000 he was gone. I was devasted. We continuted to be togather I would go to Memphis 2 times a month and he came to Dallas 2 or 3 times a month. We were very lucky to be able to see each other as much as we did to be so far aprat from each other. After about a year and a half of this I couldnt take it anymore my lease was up and I was to move into a house in a few days I woke up April 7th 2003 and said I cant do this anymore I went to my job of 6 years and talked to my boss and went to put im my notice he and I were very close as I had worked for him for 6 years and he had been like a dad to me I had moved up in the company and at 22 years old was makeing 150k a year plus. I was crying adn he said go sweetie follow your heart and if it doesnt work you will always have your job. So I went home I loaded my car with what I could take and i put the rest in storage and I left I couldnt say goodbye to anyone it would have been to hard so I just left I got in my car and I cried the whole way here I moved to Memphis and it was a hard road. We had to get used to being around each other everyday and I missed my familly and friends and I was happy to be with him but heartbroken to be away from my home. We got past the rocky road and we were happy talking about getting married and starting a new life. Oh and another important detail the he and I had never sleept togather till I came to Memphis to live. We both believe that is something sacred and it would have made it harder to be so far apart and sex is not something you do with just anyone. So anyhow I am here in Memphis and we are great happy and in love. Well I love to give and love to see someones eyes light up when they are happy. So knowing that I cant hold on to gifts I waited till Monday just a few days before X-mas to give but his present this year and I called him after about 2 hours and said lets do X-mas now I cant take it so we did and it was wonderfull I gave him a mans ring (not a wedding ring just a ring) cost me about 1200.00 very nice ring and I got diamond earings and a steareo for my car and clothes and perfume a good X-mas for us both. Well I had to get home and take care of things so I left and around 2 that morning I get a call from this girl saying that she is seeing him and she knew to much so I called his voicemail and checked his messages and sure enough there are several messages on there from the past week with her about places they had gone and that he must be with me hes not answering and she misses him cant sleep and wants him to herself. I am a mess. I go to his house and he is not there go to his grandmothers and he is there I will not make a fuss in front of her so I just left and I called his uncle who has helped us through a lot of our issues and I am bawling my eyes out he talks to me and calms me down. Well at 8 when he went to work (he owns a location and is there by himself) I went to his office and his uncle was there which I expected since he knew that I would be coming and he is able to help us talk not yell. I try to talk to him but I cant im so upset so I leave and go on my way. X-mas eve I met him to give him the presents for his family from me and the ones that I wrapped from him and he says he loves me and that he never sleept with her and it was all a mistake and that she is nothing to him just when we were arguing he started seeing her and had been trying to leave it alone and the blah blah you get from men we get into it agian and I leave. He came by X-mas to see me and brought some more X-mas presents he got me which are still sitting wrapped as I have no desire to open them at this point he trys to hug me and it makes my stomach crawl. While he is here she calls and he answers the phone on speaker and she says dont hang up I need to talk to you he said what do you want and she goes on that she misses him and what do I have that she doesnt and so on he tells her his heart and dont call him back. I know that he is done with the whole situation and I really dont feel that they sleept togather but it hurts me and I want to make my relationship work I really do I love him with all my heart but everytime I think about it it makes me sick, I have to stop myself from driving by her house and checking his voicemail and now I am on a rollercoaster I go from being ok around him to crying and getting angry I cant touch him or let him touch me it makes me sick. He is trying and he is going through a lot his aunt that he was really close to just passed his best friend was killed the same day that all this came up (tuesday) his grandmother just found out she had cancer he found out X-mas and his dad is dying. I am lost and confused we are not just lovers but really friends but i dont understand how he could do this to me.
can you love someone and cheat? if i take him back how do I stop it from happening agian? how do i trust agian? should I take him back? help me I am so confused all my familly and friends are in texas and i dont know what to do and I am trying to deal with it along and on top of all this this other girl keeps calling me and I am trying to be a women about it and not curse and yell at her as she has no comitments to me he is the one that did wrong but how long do I cont. to be nice to her before I go off . its not over him its over her calling me crying then cussing at me telling me I am a *&^ch and then crying that she misses him and why is she telling me this im not her friend. HELP ME!!!!

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Old 12-28-2003, 08:16 AM   #2
Want 2 B Well
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Posts: 542
Want 2 B Well HB User
Re: help this is long but im confused

The answer to this is so personal. If it were me I would pack up my stuff and try and get my job back and close that chapter of my life.
I can't work through cheating. But that is me. It would haunt me too much.

Give yourself time to work through it in your mind and maybe you can find an answer for you.
Married 1990
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Suffer from allergies & other aliments
Quit smoking June 3 2003
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Old 12-28-2003, 08:22 AM   #3
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: memphis
Posts: 4
lostinmemphis HB User
Re: help this is long but im confused

I Dont Know What To Do I Am Confused And Lost As Far As My Job Its Always There And I Make Great Money Here Actually A Lil Better But I Do Love Him Just Not Sure If He Loves Me He Says He Does But I Could Never Cheat On Him And Never Will Is It Possible To Love Me And See Another Women. I Know For A Fact He Didnt Sleep With Her But Still He Held Her And Touched Her And Kissed Her That Make Me Sick!

Old 12-28-2003, 08:44 AM   #4
Summer Girl
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Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 251
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Re: help this is long but im confused

I think you both would benefit greatly from going to relationship counceling. There are too many issues that need to be resolved before deciding on packing up and going home. I don't condone cheating at all, but by what you have said tells me that you and him need more than advice from a message board before making any decisions.

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