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    Old 03-24-2004, 08:18 AM   #31
    eightball61
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AllWoman
    Wow I'd hate to be in a relationship where me or my SO couldn't feel that we were under some kind of curfew. I wouldn't expect him not to ever go to a bar or club without me again. I would have in my 20s yes, but that was when I was more insecure. I wouldn't expect him to stop me either. I want to have my own social life and I would want him to have his. Anything other than that is suffocating. Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you have to be joined at the hip.

    I believe the most healthiest relationships are where there is mutually agreed freedom and trust.

    Thats what we agree on a male and female need to have a social life but the problem is feeling insecure about the situation. Where not putting curfew on our GF's, its just we don't trust the world alone with our ladies. Its hard to give up something you love.

     
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    Old 03-24-2004, 10:05 AM   #32
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eightball61
    Thats what we agree on a male and female need to have a social life but the problem is feeling insecure about the situation. Where not putting curfew on our GF's, its just we don't trust the world alone with our ladies. Its hard to give up something you love.
    With ladies? Well women are up against the same with their men. But you can't live your life in dread someone is going to leave you. Trust me if they are going to have an affair or go, they will find a way. You will then realize the nightclub was probably the last place they thought of going.

    If someone is insecure with their partner, they will still be a nightmare even if the partner is 100% faithful, because they start to see things that aren't even there. How do I know?

    I'm insecure!

     
    Old 03-24-2004, 10:22 AM   #33
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by AllWoman
    With ladies? Well women are up against the same with their men. But you can't live your life in dread someone is going to leave you. Trust me if they are going to have an affair or go, they will find a way. You will then realize the nightclub was probably the last place they thought of going.

    If someone is insecure with their partner, they will still be a nightmare even if the partner is 100% faithful, because they start to see things that aren't even there. How do I know?
    'm insecure!

    Thats what I am scared of..If I continue these ways she may get fed up and leave me

    She is helping me out a great deal and I have never met anyone that is so willing to help inprove things in a relationship and thats why I love her

     
    Old 03-24-2004, 10:47 AM   #34
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    Re: Jealousy

    i'm the most insecure woman in the world...but that's cause i have reason to be...i caught my hubby in a dating site recently....but we are working things out and he put all his cards on the table and said that he has never actually physically cheated...he knows he has a problem cause he doesn't even know why he's doing these things...i have to watch him like a hawk...i check his e mails, know his work hours...everything...some would say i'm dumb for staying, but he really does love me and really does have a problem...i'm going to help him with this addiction like a person helps an alcoholic...

    but on the other hand, he's insecure as can be too...even more so now that he did something wrong...he thinks i'll do the same thing to show him how hurt i feel...but i won't...i don't wish my hurt on my worst enemy...

    you know what ticks me off though...we are an af couple...and you hear of all these women cheating cause they are lonely...gave us all a bad name...i don't work yet, so i'm home all day by myself...dont even have friends yet...he told me this weekend that he daily wonders at work if i'm actually home or out cheating on him...even if i wanted to i couldn't...i live on a block where all the hubby's are af and working and it's all stay at home wives...silly boy...
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    Old 03-24-2004, 11:13 AM   #35
    eightball61
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by villagegal68455
    i'm the most insecure woman in the world...but that's cause i have reason to be...i caught my hubby in a dating site recently....but we are working things out and he put all his cards on the table and said that he has never actually physically cheated...he knows he has a problem cause he doesn't even know why he's doing these things...i have to watch him like a hawk...i check his e mails, know his work hours...everything...some would say i'm dumb for staying, but he really does love me and really does have a problem...i'm going to help him with this addiction like a person helps an alcoholic...

    but on the other hand, he's insecure as can be too...even more so now that he did something wrong...he thinks i'll do the same thing to show him how hurt i feel...but i won't...i don't wish my hurt on my worst enemy...

    you know what ticks me off though...we are an af couple...and you hear of all these women cheating cause they are lonely...gave us all a bad name...i don't work yet, so i'm home all day by myself...dont even have friends yet...he told me this weekend that he daily wonders at work if i'm actually home or out cheating on him...even if i wanted to i couldn't...i live on a block where all the hubby's are af and working and it's all stay at home wives...silly boy...

    Its good to hear that you both are working together to work things out

     
    Old 03-24-2004, 11:16 AM   #36
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    Re: Jealousy

    thx...it's nice to hear one person not call me stupid cause i'm staying...i truly think it's an addiction, don't you think so?

    plus, since it didn't start happening till we were married, i think deep down subconciously he misses these things...he will never again have that first kiss, or first date, or all that...

    he says he doesn't miss that stuff, but i know we all do...and he knows after our talk on saturday that this is his last chance...he never stopped to realize just how many people would be affected if our marriage broke up...

    i think it's best to try and work things out if you truly love somebody...everybody has marriage problems, just some are worse and more public than others...

    other than this stuff, he has been the best hubby in the world...he even joined the af to give us a better life...
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    Old 03-24-2004, 11:24 AM   #37
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by villagegal68455
    thx...it's nice to hear one person not call me stupid cause i'm staying...i truly think it's an addiction, don't you think so?

    plus, since it didn't start happening till we were married, i think deep down subconciously he misses these things...he will never again have that first kiss, or first date, or all that...

    he says he doesn't miss that stuff, but i know we all do...and he knows after our talk on saturday that this is his last chance...he never stopped to realize just how many people would be affected if our marriage broke up...

    i think it's best to try and work things out if you truly love somebody...everybody has marriage problems, just some are worse and more public than others...

    other than this stuff, he has been the best hubby in the world...he even joined the af to give us a better life...
    Your no stupid at all and thats why I posted "Work Place Confusion"

    Now if he kept it up and you stayed with him then I would think you were...lol
    But we all make mistakes and there is no perfect relationship like you said. No one is perfect nor will anyone will ever be.

    Its sad that things will have to be tight until you regain his trust but he will have to adjust to that. You can tell that he truelly does love you because he is willing to make it work under these strick conditions. He realizes that he made a mistake and hopefully he wont again..I wish the best of luck to you both

     
    Old 03-24-2004, 11:29 AM   #38
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    Re: Jealousy

    i'm just glad i caught him...he made some mistakes in the past (little things about lying about going to porno sites and stuff), but i never had concrete proof so he continued to do so...

    well, to make a long story short, computers are in my blood and i started figuring out ways to track him...i found five ways so far and he only knows of one...so the other night, when i saw a dating site in our url, i checked it out very sneakily...and got into the site...i found his profile and had the concrete proof i needed...so he confessed to that and everything else he's ever done wrong...

    he cried and asked why i was such a good wife...he doesn't think i should stay after all he's put me thru...but i'm willing to work it out...everyone does make mistakes in life...but you can only make so many before it's over...if someone doesn't learn than it's not worth it...

    he sees how much pain he's caused me and i think we can move on from this...
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    Old 03-24-2004, 11:39 AM   #39
    eightball61
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by villagegal68455
    i'm just glad i caught him...he made some mistakes in the past (little things about lying about going to porno sites and stuff), but i never had concrete proof so he continued to do so...

    well, to make a long story short, computers are in my blood and i started figuring out ways to track him...i found five ways so far and he only knows of one...so the other night, when i saw a dating site in our url, i checked it out very sneakily...and got into the site...i found his profile and had the concrete proof i needed...so he confessed to that and everything else he's ever done wrong...

    he cried and asked why i was such a good wife...he doesn't think i should stay after all he's put me thru...but i'm willing to work it out...everyone does make mistakes in life...but you can only make so many before it's over...if someone doesn't learn than it's not worth it...

    he sees how much pain he's caused me and i think we can move on from this...

    You seem to be a very good women with a solid heart and your husband knows it too.

    Being in a dating site would set off flags and you are handling things well. But in other post we discussed men and porn. Now porn is just a fantasy with no physical contact. I would see nothing wrong if my wife rented porn or looked. Well I would watch it with her...lol

    There are some people that disagree and if my wife didn't want me looking at porn then I would have to try my hardest not to watch it or glance. But like I said its just a fantasy with no meaning to it. Just pure innocence in my book

    Last edited by eightball61; 03-24-2004 at 11:41 AM.

     
    Old 03-24-2004, 11:40 AM   #40
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    Re: Jealousy

    oh i know that...he just didn't want me looking so i thought it only fair he did the same...and he really tried hard not to look...but i'm at the point where i want to look and would like to watch with him...could spice up the ole relationship
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    Old 03-24-2004, 11:50 AM   #41
    eightball61
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by villagegal68455
    oh i know that...he just didn't want me looking so i thought it only fair he did the same...and he really tried hard not to look...but i'm at the point where i want to look and would like to watch with him...could spice up the ole relationship


    And that is not a sin Its just a form to have extra fun...Sort of like having gym class during a boring day of school.

     
    Old 03-24-2004, 11:57 AM   #42
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    Re: Jealousy

    i really don't think i'd mind watching porn with him at all...his reactions to certain porn situations could give me an idea what kind of fantasies he'd like made into real life...

    and i know alot of guys do it just cause they are bored...better than staring at a blank computer...some porn is really offensive tho...i got one sent to my e mail about ****** women...sick, sick, sick...
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    Old 03-24-2004, 12:21 PM   #43
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    Re: Jealousy

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by villagegal68455
    i really don't think i'd mind watching porn with him at all...his reactions to certain porn situations could give me an idea what kind of fantasies he'd like made into real life...

    and i know alot of guys do it just cause they are bored...better than staring at a blank computer...some porn is really offensive tho...i got one sent to my e mail about ****** women...sick, sick, sick...

    No, no, no...Don't go for the computer for pleasure. Seek the nearest video store and get a softy. Then watch it together with popcorn and a 12-pak so it can give you an idea. Watch his reactions to some stuff and take notes in your head or discuss afterwards which part he liked. Now you have an idea what to try in the future.

    Its not that we get bored of our wifes...Its being with the same person forever. We need porn to excape it(of course some cheat) and seek the fantasy of somthing new. Girls can be the same way and thats why watching porn for the both of you can be great.

    Last edited by eightball61; 03-24-2004 at 12:23 PM.

     
    Old 03-24-2004, 12:23 PM   #44
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    Re: Jealousy

    that's true...i offered last night for us to go to a porn shop and "explore"...he nixed most of the ideas i suggested, but i reminded him that how do you know you won't like it unless we try...
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    Old 03-24-2004, 12:32 PM   #45
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    Re: Jealousy

    Villagegal, I have followed your story on some of the other boards and my heart just goes out to you because I know how hard you have been struggling with this. It has been quite an emotional rollercoaster for you. Seems that as soon as things looked up (hacker) you found more than you anticipated.

    I am sure that your emotions have run the gamut, from being hurt and angry to almost relieved to know the truth. I am glad that he finally came clean with you. And I truly, truly hope that you two can overcome this. You sound upbeat and positive lately, so I can only imagine that that is a good sign.

    He will have to be extra gentle and patient with you, just as you are trying to be so understanding with him. It will take time to build that trust again.

    My father always said that trust is like a brick wall. Everytime you keep your word, or otherwise let someone know you can be counted on, another brick is laid. That is how the foundation of any good relationship is built. However, it only takes ONE thing to knock a hole in the wall. You can't even build on the jagged peices that are left. You have to knock it down and start over. It is slow and tedious and takes work, time, and patience. The time? Well, that's a given. You both have that. The patience and dedication has to come from both of you. And for your sake, I really hope that it does!

    I enjoy reading your posts and think that you have an awful lot of insight. I'm sorry that, like me, a lot of it has come from you surviving some very painful experiences. But it really is true what "they" say isn't it? We aren't dead. We are stronger. And SMARTER!

     
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