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  • Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

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    Old 03-26-2004, 11:18 AM   #1
    lories
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    Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    Well, it's a long, complex story but yes, I just found out that my fiance cheated on me 2 years ago and has been friends with this girl ever since. Now, Ive found the girl, she lives in a different state but I have her work e-mail address and her telephone # at work.
    Part of me says to move on and let it be but part of me wants so bad to send and e-mail or call her.......... Just to express my outrage (and yes, I know it takes 2 to tango).
    I just dont' want to do something that I will regret and I haven't told anyone I know about this yet.
    Any advice?

    Last edited by lories; 03-26-2004 at 11:19 AM.

     
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    Old 03-26-2004, 11:20 AM   #2
    newlywedgurl
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lories
    Well, it's a long, complex story but yes, I just found out that my fiance cheated on my 2 years ago and has been friends with this girl ever since. Now, Ive found the girl, she lives in a different state but I have her work e-mail address and her telephone # at work.
    Part of me says to move on and let it be but part of me wants so bad to send and e-mail or call her.......... Just to express my outrage (and yes, I know it takes 2 to tango).
    I just dont' want to do something that I will regret and I haven't told anyone I know about this yet.
    Any advice?

    OK....wait a minute......HE IS STILL FRIENDS WITH HER?!?!?!?! As in, keeps in touch with her?!?!

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:21 AM   #3
    lories
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    they had been e-mailing. I know, I know, I can't believe that this is my life!

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:25 AM   #4
    GirlHarley
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    I was just going to ask the same question...LOL

    Does he know YOU know? I need more details...Like I did you get her email and stuff?

    Don't do anything yet...Well, what you can start with is....but read my post first...Write Her a LETTER...Spill out what you feel.....
    BUT DO NOT MAIL IT...Keep It...and read it over and over till you calm down.

    Don't get me wrong...I would be feeling just like you....

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:26 AM   #5
    newlywedgurl
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lories
    they had been e-mailing. I know, I know, I can't believe that this is my life!
    OK...I have several questions for you, hon....
    How long have you known about this tryst between the two of them? How did you know they have been emailing each other? Have you read any of the emails? And what do you hope you will accomplish by contacting her?

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:29 AM   #6
    SophiaM
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lories
    they had been e-mailing. I know, I know, I can't believe that this is my life!
    How did you find out he cheated: has he told you about this? Why is he STILL in touch with her? Doesn't sound like a keeper to me. If someone cheats even before the marriage--I'd say they give you a very good reason to end the relationship. Don't marry a cheater, you'll save yourself years of heartache.

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:34 AM   #7
    lories
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    I found a hotmail account of his and I figured out the pswd. I did read the e-mails and I know that they had been talking on the phone and e-mailing since the affair. I figure they were having phone and e-sex... Yes, he knows that I know, damn straight I confronted him. I'm still trying to figure out what to do..... It's much easier said than done. Anyways, what do I figure I would accomplish by confronting her? I have so much anger (that I"ve already shared with the man) that I feel like venting on her. In one of her e-mails she had mentioned that she was in our city and why don't we meet with your "girlfriend" for a coffee (in jest).
    grrr!

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:37 AM   #8
    newlywedgurl
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lories
    I found a hotmail account of his and I figured out the pswd. I did read the e-mails and I know that they had been talking on the phone and e-mailing since the affair. I figure they were having phone and e-sex... Yes, he knows that I know, damn straight I confronted him. I'm still trying to figure out what to do..... It's much easier said than done. Anyways, what do I figure I would accomplish by confronting her? I have so much anger (that I"ve already shared with the man) that I feel like venting on her. In one of her e-mails she had mentioned that she was in our city and why don't we meet with your "girlfriend" for a coffee (in jest).
    grrr!
    You are about to marry a man who not nly has disrespected you, but is ALLOWING you to be disrespected by a woman he had an affair with???
    Call me crazy, but I don't know what you would want to say to either of them except that they deserve each other and tell him to **** off! Where is your self respect in this???

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:41 AM   #9
    lories
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    You know I didn't write this post to be attacked, I see your point newlywdgirl trust me, I realize how bad this is and I appreciate your feedback but lets try to be a bit kinder. I'm not an idiot and I do have self respect, this is the worst thing that I could have ever imagined happening and I have a broken heart....

    Last edited by lories; 03-26-2004 at 11:43 AM.

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:43 AM   #10
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lories
    You know I didn't write this post to be attacked, I see your point newlywdgirl trust me, I realize how bad this is and I appreciate your feedback but lets try to be a bit kinder. I'm not an idiot and I do have self respect, this is the worst thing that I could have ever imagined happening....
    No, no, I really didn't mean it in a harsh way. I guess I was really shocked at the situation and angry with him (and I don't even know him) for doing this to you! I think what he has doing and is doing is detestable at best! And I hate that you are having to deal with it at all.

    I have been in your place, lories. It is sooooo painful. I guess I just wish I had walked when he did it the first time. It hurt much more the NEXT go around.

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:44 AM   #11
    newlywedgurl
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    See? I'm so mad at him, I have lost all control of my grammar!!!

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:44 AM   #12
    lories
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    k thanks! sorry, didnt' mean to get defensive! I just truly can't believe that this is my life, honestly!

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:45 AM   #13
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lories
    You know I didn't write this post to be attacked, I see your point newlywdgirl trust me, I realize how bad this is and I appreciate your feedback but lets try to be a bit kinder. I'm not an idiot and I do have self respect, this is the worst thing that I could have ever imagined happening....

    Lories...newlywedgurl is not attacking you she is VERY good at giving advise and she is NO way attacking you...No one said you were an idiot..Please don't feel like we or anyone is attacking you...WE are on your side..
    We are just trying to figure your story out...If you need to make it longer so we can help you do so....FYI...we are woman too and we are feeling your pain or ****** off mood ...........

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:46 AM   #14
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
    You are about to marry a man who not nly has disrespected you, but is ALLOWING you to be disrespected by a woman he had an affair with???
    Call me crazy, but I don't know what you would want to say to either of them except that they deserve each other and tell him to **** off! Where is your self respect in this???
    Newlywedgirl is 100% right. This is your warning sign before you make a big mistake. Cheaters don't usually change. My friend's ex boyrfriend cheated on her, then begged for forgiveness, swore he'd never do it again, she forgave him..guess what, he did it again, a few more times! Finally she realized he'll never change and left his butt. She married a different guy who treats her like gold and would not even dream of cheating on her. If anything, cheating has got to be the worst deal breaker you can think of. Ok, add physical and verbal abuse to the list. In fact, cheating IS a form of abuse, because it causes great pain to the person who's cheated on.

     
    Old 03-26-2004, 11:46 AM   #15
    newlywedgurl
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    Re: Would you confront her.... found the woman who my fiance cheated with.... ughhh

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lories
    k thanks! sorry, didnt' mean to get defensive! I just truly can't believe that this is my life, honestly!
    I really don't even know what to say! How long have you known about him cheating? And how long has he kept in touch with her AFTER he knew that you knew? (Hope you can follow that, I nearly confused myself )

     
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