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    Old 03-26-2004, 09:19 PM   #1
    dentalnitemare
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    Angry Niece's boyfriend hit on me

    A few weeks ago I was at my brother's house,my neice still lives at home with her dad and her boyfriend was there.He was drinking I wasn't,her boyfriend kept making comments to me all night,I igorned him up until I got ready to leave I was in the living room getting my things together to leave and he came in and said you know what you need to send me some pictures of you and gave me his email address.I said I can't do that to my husband or my niece (my husband wasn't with me he wanted to stay home).He went outside with the excuse he was getting something out of his truck.I knew he was waiting on me to leave.I told my brother I wasn't leaving until he came back in and ask where my neice was.She was in the shower,so I waited thinking when she got out he'd finally come back in well he didn't.My brother had to walk me out to my car so he wouldn't start on me again.Then next day I called my neice and told her what happened I knew it would hurt her,but couldn't keep it from her either.She was upset with him but things are fine between them now.I haven't been back to my brother's since this happened when her boyfriends around until last weekend.I stopped by for about 10 mintues to pick up something my little boy who is 4 was trying to talk to him and he igorned him the entire time I know he called his name 10 times and he never acted like he heard him.To say the least it ****** me pretty bad my son is not the one to take it out on.He's mad because I told on him,he claims he's upset because he thinks I didn't believe him when he told me he was sorry.My niece won't even say anything to him for the way he treated my son.I don't even feel welcome at my brother's anymore if he's there.Would you let this go or say something to him yourself? My little boy thinks the world of this guy,and he couldn't understand why he wouldn't talk to him.I know I won't go back if I know he's going to be there.I guess you all can figure out what types of pictures he wanted me to send and I've never done anything like that in my life so I don't understand why he'd even think I would do that to begin with I guess it was the liquor.

     
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    Old 03-26-2004, 11:24 PM   #2
    Dance4jc
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    Re: Niece's boyfriend hit on me

    I am sorry that this has happened to you. Trying to deal with this sort of thing is never fun. A couple of questions, do you think talking to the boyfriend will have a positive affect on this situation? If you don't then I would not subject yourself to talking to him about it. I know you say your son adores this man, but by the story you told I don't know that I would want my son seeing him as a role model or friend. Just by the two behaviors of hitting on you and being hurtful to your son, I would not want my child to get attached to him.

    The hard part is that if your niece's relationship with him seems to be one that could turn into marriage then he is going to be in the picture for a long time and that complicates things. I think I worry more about your niece's lack of concern for his behavior of hitting on you. I don't care how much he had to drink, I would not tolerate that behavior, he obviously had his wits about him enough to stake you out as you were leaving.

    Bottom line is try not to let him take away your feeling of belonging at your brother's house. You have done nothing wrong. Walk into your brother's house with your head held high and let the boyfriend pout or whatever, it is his problem not yours. You have taken all the correct steps. Now it is his turn to be a man and get over it.
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    Old 03-27-2004, 07:12 AM   #3
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    Re: Niece's boyfriend hit on me

    If I was in your place (and I have been) I would be distant but polite to this man under normal circumstances
    and
    I would avoid him at all costs, including leaving somewhere, if he is or has been drinking.
    I would also pray that my niece would dump this loser....

     
    Old 03-27-2004, 11:32 AM   #4
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    Re: Niece's boyfriend hit on me

    I'm not understanding you post / sorry....

    Your saying your Niece's boyfriend HIT on YOU, your married and have a 4 yr old son...How much older are you then this kid who picked on you?

    Why didn't you SLAP in in the FACE when he was making Rude, or Coming On remarks to you? While did you follow him outside and comfort him when you had the chance? WHY didn't Your brother do anything when you told him?

    I have alot of NIECE's and I am not only a good Aunt to them but also very close with ALL of them....If any GUY ever does anything to them they would have to answer to ME...I'm just that kind of AUNT...

    So reading your post I'm asking why didn't you Slap him or Tell him off?

    AS for your 4 yr old son...Tell him your niece's boyfriend is deaf & stupid and moody and doesn't know how to have good manners to an innocent child.


    NOW, if I were you...I would STILL talk to the JERK and tell him HIS behavior
    WAS unacceptable, you will not be spoken to in the manner he did and if he ever does it again you won't be as nice as the first time...Drinking or NO Drinking that guy was way out of line and should have been dealt with at the moment it happened....

     
    Old 03-27-2004, 12:43 PM   #5
    promisez
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    Re: Niece's boyfriend hit on me

    The part that concerns me is if this is the guy your four year old looks up to, are you sure you WANT him as a role model for your son????????

     
    Old 03-27-2004, 01:08 PM   #6
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    Re: Niece's boyfriend hit on me

    He gave you his email address? Im sure you didnt accept it, right? I would have told him off RIGHT THEN AND THERE. Should have said, why in the hell do you think id be interested in "YOU"??? Im happily married and wouldnt throw my marriage away on "something" like you. Youre not worth it and im telling my neice exactly what you just did and i would have proceeded to wait till she got out of the shower and told her. I would have said next time if i happen to come over and YOURE here, dont even bother speaking to me , dont even bother "lookin' in my direction. I would have looked him in the eye and said do you "understand'?? One thing, i wouldnt let him keep me away from going to my brothers house. Another thing, tho, is "why" your neice is ok with what he did and why your brother didnt say anything to him as well. Im pretty much a ***** when it comes to men flirting and "assuming" i'll fall for their stupid immature behavior. I thouroughly enjoy setting them in their place. I think he knows what he did is wrong and whatever i would have dished out he would have deserved.

     
    Old 03-27-2004, 06:05 PM   #7
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    Re: Niece's boyfriend hit on me

    I'm sure you're feeling to some degree 'flattered' that such a young guy found you beautiful, but he's just an immature kid, and not the brightest one to boot. Like Ruth said, I hope your niece does not end up with him. I would have definitely told him off, and would have also told him that if he's not faithful to my niece, he will regret it. I was once in a similar situation. My cousin's HUSBAND was hitting on me. To make matters worse, I found him incredibly attractive. Well, the thought of hurting my cousin was just enough to prevent me from doing anything stupid. I remember that night: it was at a party and everybody, including my cousin, was drunk out of their mind. I was the only one who was relatively sober, as i only had two drinks. My cousin's husband was coming on to me and wanted to take me for a walk on the beach at about 5 am while the wife was passed out on the couch. I said "NO". How could I have looked this woman in the eye later? No way!!! I didn't tell her that he tried, and I KNOW he has always been attracted to me, even before they got married, but come on, your family comes first. In the case of my cousin, I didn't tell her about her husbands attempts to seduce me because they have been married for a long time. But, in case of your young niece who's not married, I seriously think the guy is scum and she should leave him. Don't pay any attention to him, in any case. He's so low class to even try that. I know I lost respect for my cousin's husband after he hit on me, for sure. I mean, what if the situation was reveresed and it was my own husband hitting on her, or any other woman for that matter?? Limit your interactions with this loser as much as possible. Good luck to your niece.

     
    Old 03-27-2004, 09:38 PM   #8
    dentalnitemare
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    Re: Niece's boyfriend hit on me

    Thanks for all the replies and advice.The reason I didn't make a scene or slap him when this happened is because when people are drinking they handle situations alot different than when they are sober.My niece was drinking also I was the only one there that wasn't.I don't want my son to look up to him,up until this happened I thought this was a good guy.As for age my niece is 20,he's 22 and I'm almost 34.What keeps runnning through my mind since all this happened is I said no to him about the pics and refused his email,but the next person may not refuse his efforts.It would probably be a different situation all together,and if he'll try to mess with me (her aunt)most likely he'll try with someone else.He promised her he wouldn't drink liquor again,but when I stopped by last weekend to pick something up at my brother's house he was drinking again.My niece and I are very close,but this has caused me to feel a wedge there between us now.I won't try to convince her to get rid of him,because that would only make her mad at me.I just hope she sees him for what he is before it's too late.As someone said before marriage is possible they have talked about it alot.She's very outspoken,but when I ask her about saying something to him for treating my son this way she didn't have much to say.I know she won't say anything.I think I'll just let it go until the next time HAVE to be around him(holidays,birthday,etc.) and hope he acts normal or I'll probably end up embarassing him and myself.Thanks again to all that responded.

     
    Old 03-28-2004, 03:03 PM   #9
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    Re: Niece's boyfriend hit on me

    dentalnitemare - OK, I read you response and I hope you read this...

    Maybe cause I'm different? I don't know...I have a 20 year old niece and like I said in my earlier post I'm very close with all of my niece's..Anyway, this one niece who knows how much I love her and I give her my unsolicited advise but she's knows it's for her own good as well as I have lived a wild life
    and she know's some of the things I have done in my past...but I have nothing to be ashamed about..some regrets yes but I can live with myself.

    She is involved with a loser guy, "I DO NOT APPROVE" now mind you this guy has never done anything to me.... but Auntie's does not approve. I told her so. She got mad at me, actually swore at me which being an adult and her aunt she was out of line on the swearing at me and I slapped her and told her she could be mad at me, I still love her no matter what but I would not be spoken to in the manner she did, because I am still an adult. She apolized and told me she understood...My sister backed me up on this but still allows her to date the loser boyfriend..I have explained to my niece I want her to have the best in life, more then I have, and I don't want her to make my mistakes in relationships. SHE is a beautiful, intelligent, bright girl can do so much better....The guy smokes pot, doesn't have a job, doesn't have his driving license, doesn't have a HS degree, no clue where he lives, talks trashy...I know I'm not her mother...that's my sister's daughter...but that's for another post..LOL My niece knows no matter what I still love her and I will always be here for her, she can come and visit but don't want the kid at my house....I buy her clothes, I take her out to dinner, I call her and direct her with her going back to school, I encourage her with her singing career and also packed her a care package when she went to New York to audtion for American Idol...

    SO...if you are close with your niece and are comfortable then YOU need to step up to plate and tell her what a loser boyfriend she has and if HE can come on to YOU god knows who else he is doing it to......

     
    Old 03-28-2004, 03:32 PM   #10
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    Re: Niece's boyfriend hit on me

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by GirlHarley
    dentalnitemare - OK, I read you response and I hope you read this...

    Maybe cause I'm different? I don't know...I have a 20 year old niece and like I said in my earlier post I'm very close with all of my niece's..Anyway, this one niece who knows how much I love her and I give her my unsolicited advise but she's knows it's for her own good as well as I have lived a wild life
    and she know's some of the things I have done in my past...but I have nothing to be ashamed about..some regrets yes but I can live with myself.

    She is involved with a loser guy, "I DO NOT APPROVE" now mind you this guy has never done anything to me.... but Auntie's does not approve. I told her so. She got mad at me, actually swore at me which being an adult and her aunt she was out of line on the swearing at me and I slapped her and told her she could be mad at me, I still love her no matter what but I would not be spoken to in the manner she did, because I am still an adult. She apolized and told me she understood...My sister backed me up on this but still allows her to date the loser boyfriend..I have explained to my niece I want her to have the best in life, more then I have, and I don't want her to make my mistakes in relationships. SHE is a beautiful, intelligent, bright girl can do so much better....The guy smokes pot, doesn't have a job, doesn't have his driving license, doesn't have a HS degree, no clue where he lives, talks trashy...I know I'm not her mother...that's my sister's daughter...but that's for another post..LOL My niece knows no matter what I still love her and I will always be here for her, she can come and visit but don't want the kid at my house....I buy her clothes, I take her out to dinner, I call her and direct her with her going back to school, I encourage her with her singing career and also packed her a care package when she went to New York to audtion for American Idol...

    SO...if you are close with your niece and are comfortable then YOU need to step up to plate and tell her what a loser boyfriend she has and if HE can come on to YOU god knows who else he is doing it to......
    I love you Girlharley. I think you are the best aunt that someone can possibly ask for. A 20-year old has no clue what they want in life, and they are often very impressionable and insecure. I wish you were my aunt when I was 22 and got involved with a much older and completely wrong man who managed to ruin my life. I wish my mother had slapped me then and said "no, you can't go out with this man under any circumstances. he's not your "true love" and you are not allowed to date him." God, I was SO stupid back then. I had no good judgement whatsoever. So, yes, I think you should talk to your niece and try to convey to her what a loser this guy is. He cannot be trusted, obviously. He might be hitting on a lot of women, nobody knows. Being involved with a guy like that is the fastest way to a heartbreak. Especially if he's physically cheating on her. I can't stress that enough how dangerous a cheating man is, both to your emotional AND physical health. Tell your niece she's a wonderful girl and deserves much better. I think knowing what I know now, I would probably handcuff my daughter to the bedpost (theoretical dauther, that is) rather than allow her to date a scumbag who's not valuing her.

    Last edited by SophiaM; 03-28-2004 at 03:34 PM.

     
    Old 03-28-2004, 06:52 PM   #11
    GirlHarley
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    Re: Niece's boyfriend hit on me

    Thanks Sophia, and my nieces do appreicate everything I do for them...
    I wish I had an Aunt like me too... I guess that is why I try so hard to be part of their lives too...I had some nasty mean very old fashion Aunt's who never had anything nice to say about me or my sister's...I guess the pain of how they made me feel.......I would never be like THEM to my nieces...and my nieces know that...They are all speical in their own ways..I'm proud of all of them and love take them shopping and out to lunch or dinners...I can't wait to take them to a bar and have a drink with them...LOL

    OH on another note, I have a 6 year old niece Sophia who I adore and she is also my godchild...Needless to say I spoil her rotten...I don't have any girls of my own, one son and two future step daugthers who are also sweethearts.

    Have a good night!

     
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