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Need some advice ASAP

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Old 04-19-2004, 02:39 PM   #1
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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elvisjunky HB User
Need some advice ASAP

I have a major situation and I need some advice. My wife and I have talked about moving in December. We have no money saved or anything. She just says that she needs out of this town in order to feel emotionally whole. She says that if she stays in this town that she will die emotionally. Two weeks ago my little brother (he's 23)..came down with a life threatening disease. He is on his way back to recovery, but it is going to be a long haul for him. My grandmother (whom I'm extremely close to) was diagnosed with lung cancer. Now my wife is questioning me as to if we will still move in December or not like I promised. She's not wanting to move just to the next town. She's wanting to move a long way away from where we are now. I told her that if my grandma or my brother were on their deathbed, there was no way that I could leave them like that. She said that I lied to her about moving and now I have to make a's my family or her. She said that her emotional well being is as critical as my brother or grandma and that she could die too.

Please help. Is this normal? Do all spouses ask this question? Do you love me more than anyone else? Would you choose me over your family if we were both dying? I feel that it's unfair to me to ask such a question. She says that I'm wrong. Please...what do you think?

Elvis Junky

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Old 04-19-2004, 02:48 PM   #2
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Easton, Pa
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promisez HB User
Re: Need some advice ASAP

Hint: No matter where she moves she will still take her emotions with her.

Old 04-19-2004, 02:49 PM   #3
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,600
eightball61 HB User
Re: Need some advice ASAP

First off what is making her not feel emotionally whole where you live now?

Old 04-19-2004, 02:54 PM   #4
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,600
eightball61 HB User
Re: Need some advice ASAP

Which is true to what promise said and I taking that as when she moves away her problems,fear, and emotions will follow her there to. She may want to tried to hide it but give it time and things will eventually creep up on her again.

Now with this move, is this something that you really wanted to commit to doing in the first place or are you doing it just for her. Remember you said that you had no money saved....You don't want to go somewhere's with no money and no job. Whats the real reasoning on why she wants to move?

Old 04-19-2004, 03:02 PM   #5
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 302
Re: Need some advice ASAP

whoa. Okay I know this seems like a cop-out answer but you need to get her a counselor right away! And you both need to go to some counseling together. You and her could move to Mars but I seriously doubt it would help anything. It might temporarily but not in the long run.

Why does she think moving will solve everything?

Old 04-19-2004, 03:06 PM   #6
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Seattle, WA USA
Posts: 444
smartgal HB User
Re: Need some advice ASAP

Wifey needs counseling and fast! She is depressed and possibly suicidal (hense the "I'll die if I stay here" kind of feeling.) You did make a commitment to her and I think that means putting her needs first over everyone elses. I think part of this hurt she's feeling is your unwillingness to do that and the fact that you aren't paying attention to what she's trying to tell you. You need to ask her what she thinks would change if you moved. How will it improve her life? Then you will need to decide if you are willing to take that step.

Old 04-19-2004, 06:23 PM   #7
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,580
GirlHarley HB User
Re: Need some advice ASAP

WOW! I'm kinda of stunned here. You have a Big Heart, not only to find help for your Wife but wanting to be there for your brother & your grandmother.
Who is helping you? First, here's a ((HUG)) to you.

OK, first...I didn't see where you lied to your wife. In your post you said you had discussed moving, because that is what your wife Needs, to become emotionally secure with herself? Why does she think she is going to DIE where your living location is now? That is scary, because if you two are in love and made a commitment to a marriage, there would also be emotional security. Your wife isn't feeling that and like many have said on this post...
She needs to find out why she is feeling this way. Moving away is not the answer because your problems STILL come with you and moving far away to a new town can be lonely when you don't know anyone. What is it that she is running away from? You didn't mention if it was a Favorite State or Town that is Beautiful and Peaceful just that She needs to get out of town or she will die emotionally...WOW again...

She's your wife and you love her, but you also have your brother and grandmother who you love dearly and as you mentioned you want to see them throught their health crisis...That shows how loving and caring you are but You are one person and are caring the weight of your wife's problems and she is not seeing what she is doing to you. How unfair to you...

It's time to talk to your wife again, ask her why she feels like she does, get her to a counselor so she can come to terms with her own issues.

Good luck to you, your wife, your brother, and your grandmother...

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