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Need Help! PLEASE!

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Old 04-24-2004, 06:36 AM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3
Daniel.B HB User
Need Help! PLEASE!

Need Help!!!!


I am in need of some serious help.

Back in my younger years, you could say I have girlfriends a plenty.

Unfortunantely I then fell sick with cancer(Hodgkins Lymphoma) - Okay so all is well now, however I was out of the "Social Scene" for quite some time.

4 or 5 months ago, I was Diagnosed with Major Depression and Social Phobia - meaning I find it hard to relate and conversate with people - which I don't really believe to be true, however!? Thats a whole nother story.

Last Weekend I turned 21. A few weeks before that, I met the most amazing girl, she is 3 years older than me, and the most amazing person I have ever met. I won't go on and bore you all!!

My problem is that, 1. I work with her 2. In the same office(she just moved into my office, from orders from the boss) 3. I sit at home so depressed, so angry with myself, because I won't say anything, because I am afraid of rejection. 4. I am to stupid to pick up the "signs" as to if she feels anything for me. Which I have been told they are there.

I feel a little apprehensive in typing this as there are depressed people out their whom really need answers, yet this is something; for me; that could get outta hand.

What do I do? Dive in at the deep end and tell her how I feel?- risk rejection? Play it cool and see what happens?(that would really chew me up), ask her out to dinner?(Potential Hazard Right Their)

Any Advise would be appreciated,


Down and Depressed...

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Old 04-24-2004, 08:15 AM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,631
eightball61 HB User
Re: Need Help! PLEASE!

Originally Posted by Daniel.B
I feel a little apprehensive in typing this as there are depressed people out their whom really need answers, yet this is something; for me; that could get outta hand.

Don't feel down that you are typing this because there are plenty of people with these fear and other fears. Here we like to give helpful advice and hopes that it work. Don't be or feel ashamed for asking becaise this is a great question.

To the post though, I know you are afraid of rejection but that is something that we all encounter in life. The best thing to do is continueing talking to her to get to know her and when you feel your ready then ask her out for a phone number.

It may be hard dealing with everything you are going through but like I said we all suffer heartbreaks and rejection. Sometimes it takes time to recope from it but you will regain you thoughts and go for another girl you like. A good way to get over this may be go out with some friends to a club one night and just start talking to girls you don't know....What can hurt your just saying hi.

Old 04-24-2004, 03:29 PM   #3
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Easton, Pa
Posts: 733
promisez HB User
Re: Need Help! PLEASE!

You risked falling down when learning to walk, you risked rejection when looking for a job. Life is risky but without that risk, would we really ever appreciate what we have if it was ever just handed to us? Don't do dinner, my suggestion would be to just meet at a local coffee shop, a quiet one.

Old 04-25-2004, 12:40 PM   #4
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Saskatchewan, Canada
Posts: 548
bluesnowflake HB User
Re: Need Help! PLEASE!

Hello, I think you honestly need to deal with your depression before you start dating again. I went through, am going through relatively the same thing you are; I am 22, my cancer was not as scary, I was dx'd with bipolar disorder, but I did not have many boyfriends growing up. I was going through a depression a couple of months ago, still on the rebound from it. There was the typical guys at parties that I had fun with but did not attach myself too. However, there were a couple that I would have liked to have known better. One of these did ask me about a relationship, but I had to simply tell him that at this moment in my life I just can't, even though I was very interested. He was so understanding, I found out later he knew about my situation from mutual friends. He just asked if further down the road when I was ready if we could try then. Which of course I was very happy to agree too. I just don't think its fair to him or myself to get invloved, I do not like who I am at the moment, and I will be soon trying to get stablized through meds, I do not want to scare him off in case they make me all weird. I still wish I had someone to hold at night, but I know with all my heart that I would not be able to be all of who I am if I pursued anything right now.

Perhaps I am denying myself the right to be loved, and perhaps I feel this way because I am a very independant person. But maybe I am also doing this because I have seen and experienced a little of what the depressed person and the partner go through when starting a relationship. More often then not, the depressed person becomes so dependant on the other, they rely on them for everything. Meanwhile, the partner starts to feel suffocated, but feels bad and sorry for the other, and stays with them. Meanwhile, both are suffering because of the depression. It's very hard to be with anyone if they are depressed, let alone trying to start a relationship. Many people think, oh I just would be so much happier if I had someone to love. That's not true. you ALWAYS need to love yourself first before anyone else can even try.

If I was you, I would try to get to know her, but meanwhile, try to get to know yourself better. Get help with your depression, seek out friends that will support and help you thrive through the times you feel alone. And only tell her about your depression when you feel really comfortable doing so. The last thing you need is someone that likes you and then pity's you because of a sob story. If the signs that she likes you are there, play with them! Flirt! Flirting is so fun! And it will probably increase your happiness! You have loads of time to be with people, I would try to make that the best by being the best of you.

good luck,


Old 04-26-2004, 09:18 AM   #5
Junior Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Antalya, Turkey
Posts: 41
tigerboxer HB User
Re: Need Help! PLEASE!

Well, this is gonna be really helpful but....

1) Office romances have a potential for disaster, as you have to face each other every morning if you split up.
2) BUT people meet their future spouses at work more than anywhere else...

I agree with bluesnowflake that depression IS something to be addressed; it's a disease as physical as cancer or influenza, can be treated, and has a tendency to screw up relationships before they even have a chance to flourish.

Finally - I've found that few things are more harmful than a psychological diagnosis. I've been diagnosed with everything from manic depression to panic disorder to sheer madness, and I consider myself a pretty sane person (yeah, I know, they all say that ) ... Seriously, such diagnoses pre-program a person into thinking they're doomed or disordered, which is very rarely the case. If you ARE clinically depressed then it's a crippling condition, but you sound pretty positive to me. For a start, depressed people rarely find the motivation to seek help or advice, which you have done. And being attracted to this goddess is another extremely hopeful sign!

I'm so glad you beat the cancer, by the way

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