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Is this a lost cause?

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Old 05-26-2004, 11:28 AM   #1
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Location: Valdosta, Ga, USA
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Sick_Generation HB User
Is this a lost cause?

Recently my Fiancé and I just broke up. Well she broke up with me, because she says she isn't happy and needs time to clear her head and find out what she wants. She still loves me and still love her deeply. Next Tuesday would have been 2 years. But for the past 6 months, we have been fighting alot. I guess its just been the snow ball effect. She has been unhappy for those 6 months, but i just never realize it was making her that unhappy. She never really came out and told. Her response is, I should of known anyways.

I guess the main problem is, all of our friends are single. 6mths ago, i started hanging out with my friends more, going to bars, and parties. At this time, she did not drink alcohol and really do much. Being at the bar drunk can cause problems. I would be having alot of fun away from her and started to miss being single and flirting with other girls. So when she started to notice i was changing, she started to ask me what was going on. So i told her, i was starting to have doubts and missed being single. Most the time i told her this i was Drunk, so that didn't help anything. So that made her unhappy. So our sex life dwindled, she didn't want to exercise anymore, or even seem to be happy around me. So with her being unhappy, it was making me unhappy, which would make both of us even more unhappy.

But eventually, i got past that faze and wanted nobody but her. But, at this point, all she could think about was i wanted to sleep with other girls. So she was still unhappy. At this time she meet some of my female friends and became good friends with them. Now she is drinking alot, going to the bars quite often and staying there till 4 am. I was ok with this, was kinda happy about it, she would dance and hang out with alot of her guy friends too, which didn't bother me. Until, some guy pretty much tried to rape her one night, when she ended up giving him a ride home. She didn't think it was a big deal b/c nothing happened. But to me, it wasn't, I was pretty ****** about it. She was still unhappy with me and thinking about the things i said. And our Sex life still sucked, she wanted to hang out with her friends more than me. So naturally when i got drunk around her, it would amplify my frustration and anger. Which inevitably led to many fights, then the break up.

She says, she needs some time away from me. Which is fine, and I hope she will come back to me. But its just i don't know if she will. She even said something about maybe going on dates with other guys, to make sure i'm what she wants.

Last edited by Sick_Generation; 05-26-2004 at 11:42 AM.

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Old 05-26-2004, 11:38 AM   #2
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Re: Is this a lost cause?

^ Ran out of space.

I love her dearly. But the mere thought of her with some other guy makes me sick to my stomach. I don't want her to date some guy and think he is so much nicer than me, mainly because the relationship is new and he hasn't had time to get annoyed with her little quirks. Then develop feelings for him, sleep with him, then they end up breaking up later. Because i have told her, i was fine with her dating other guys. But if she sleeps with someone else, I will not take her back. But, all i can do is be nice to her now, which i have been. But she just thinks i'm doing it because i'm afraid of losing her, and when she takes me back i will go back to the mean person. I told her i wasn't like this for 1 1/2 years, just recently when i started to get outside influence from friends. Lets face it, we all know guys acted differently when they hang out with their friends.

I told her, i promised I would not be the horrible person that i have been lately. But she just feels deep down, i wont change. I just hope she will come back to me. I haven't slept since Friday night(When we broke up). I've lost 5 lbs as well lol. But while in class today, i thought about when she was happy, and what i did to make her happy. She was happiest when we would go the club/bar together and dance all night long with each other. Then go home and have some amazing sex. I haven't been dancing with her lately. Mainly because my favorite club to dance to got closed down, so we go to this other bar, where i don't enjoy the atmosphere as much and hard for me to get in the mood too.

So, i'm thinking this Friday, i need to razzle dazzle her again with dancing. That's what she loves, and i have been shellfish and always wanted to do the stuff i wanted to do. Input would be great!

Old 05-26-2004, 11:54 AM   #3
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Join Date: Mar 2004
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excaliburgrl HB User
Re: Is this a lost cause?

it sounds like your girl does have some serious thinking to do and maybe a break from each other could be the best thing that ever happened...have you ever heard that song "you don't know what you've got until it's gone"...well, maybe a break from you will make your lady realize how much she loved being with you...

taking her out to dance and trying to get back into things is a great idea...but make sure she does have some sounds like you both went thru that "what if" phase and now it's time to look it dead in the face and ask "what if we aren't together"...if she likes that thought, then you are better off letting her go...
'to really live you must nearly die'-received from a vietnam vet

Old 05-26-2004, 12:19 PM   #4
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Is this a lost cause?

Its a 2 way street.... You played the ropes by going out all the time and enjoying time with friends...Its called a phase and we all have them. Now, that your phase is gone she has started her own and sees that it not fair to do this while being with someone and that why she needs the time off. During your spell you held on to her while you were out and about and she was at home not doing anything. She knows what its like to be left alone and she cares enough for you to not go through the same thing.

Your relationship has been bouncy. Give some time and space apart. When you both are ready thing may pick up where they left off or you may part your seperate ways.

Old 05-26-2004, 12:33 PM   #5
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Re: Is this a lost cause?

Well most of the time, she was with me and my friends we went out. Thats when we were dancing together and having a great time. Only problem is, she doesn't like most of my friends i hung out with. I'm just not sure where this is going to go. Even 2 days after we broke up, i went to her house and we had sex. Which makes me think, hey maybe there is a chance.

But then she tells me, that i need to go date other girls and sleep with them to make sure she is the one. I don't want that. She is the one i want. And she also talked about dating other guys. Which makes me think she already has her mind pretty much made up and just wont tell me. I told her, if i did date other girls, i would not sleep with them, until i was at least engaged or married to them. Asked her if she could make that promise, and she just said she doesn't know.

It just bothers me i guess. Yeah i might have had some thought about other girls. But i never talked to them or even touched them. Now that all her guy friends and their friends hear she is available, i just know they are going to be on her like white on rice. Most of these guys i consider my friends as well, and friends don't date other friend's Ex's, unless they ask. So i don't know how i am going to react if i see her with one of them and being all cuddly and chubby with one another.

Problem is, couple days before we broke up, i did realise i needed to change. Because, he sister said something to me about it. And it just clicked. So that Friday night i was being nice to her, and letting her do her thing. She even said earlier that day, she was going to spend the night with and me. So that night, i was being nice to her, but she was to drunk to even notice me. She practically ignored me. Then of course we got into a fight about it, and thats when she said she needed time apart.

I will give her time by herself. But its just so damn hard not to pick up the phone and just call her. So what am i suppose to do? Just wait for her to call me? What if she doesn't call for another week or so? I'm sorry guys, I guess i'm just rambling and venting. But thanks for your time!

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