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A little Advice (long sorry)

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Old 06-01-2004, 03:01 PM   #1
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 1
insecure HB User
A little Advice (long sorry)

ok here goes...this isnt easy to write but I need some honest opinions please...
I am in a long distance relationship with a girl I love very much. We have met alot and have spent a good amount of time together on trips and at her home.
She is currently going through a divorce (they separated last year) which I understand is not the easiest thing to do and I am trying to be as supportive as possible.
I will say right now that I can be an insecure person and I do get jealous and I am well aware of those traits of mine.
Last week she told me that her ex (who she is divorcing currently) had asked if he couldmove back in with her to save money and thus expidite the financial side of the divorce more quickly. He is going to be away about 4 months out of the 6 he wants to move back in for. She has told me that she wants to do this for him as its a nice thing for her to do.She also said she thinks our relationship is strong enough to deal with it and on some occassions she will go and stay with friends/parents so she is not there at the same time.
I am not comfortable with it. Not one bit if I am honest. I dont like the thought of him being there at all ie sleeping under the same roof etc.
What do u people think am I being unreasonable thinking that?
As of this moment I have told her because I do trust her and dont want to loose her I am willing to 'deal' with it.

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Old 06-01-2004, 04:34 PM   #2
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 548
Salinas1 HB User
Re: A little Advice (long sorry)

Without muddying the waters with a lot of this or that, I'm going to keep it short and clear.

She is married. No matter what you or she "says". That is the one thing that is for sure. Why does this matter you ask? Because she would not be letting him stay with her were they not married. It matters. I am not saying she will do anything with him, only that it is a sane approach to wait on relationships until all parties are completely and fully morally and legally free to pursue a new relationship.

You need to just pack your insecurities up in a bag and hold on till she and her husband are fully, 100% detached from each other in every way. They are not now, no matter what you two may say to each other.

Old 06-02-2004, 04:35 AM   #3
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Join Date: Feb 2004
Posts: 1,580
GirlHarley HB User
Re: A little Advice (long sorry)

I agree with Salinas too. NO matter what your girlfriend is still a married woman. Remember, you are not married - but very single. It is an uncomfortable situation for you and for anyone. That is why we often tell people men or woman do not get involved with married people or people who are currently going thru a divorce. It is not fair to the person not going thru it and it's take a very very strong individual to understand or keep silent. I’m not saying you are not this person, you have every right to feel the way you do and most people feel as you.

But what can you do? NOTHING other then letting go of this woman and tell her to give you a call when her divorce is settled and her husband is out of the house on his own..
I do think the woman telling you “your relationship is strong enough to deal with this issue” is full of crap. You have every right to feel the way you do, there is nothing wrong with how your feeling, but you also don’t have to deal with it either.

Old 06-02-2004, 04:48 AM   #4
Join Date: Oct 2001
Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 304
ana_24 HB User
Re: A little Advice (long sorry)

I think there is more to why she is doing this than meets the eye. Who initiated the break-up of this relationship? Either it is SUPER amicable or there are still leftover feelings on both of their ends. If that is the case, then living under the same roof will very likely lead to more, especially with you and her being in a long distance relationship. Also, is he prepared to deal with you calling her and coming over, etc? I know it's easier said then done, but do you think you could step back for a few months, let them deal with this divorce and then pick up where you left off after it is all final? I think if you don't, you'll drive yourself crazy with doubts, wondering what they're doing every minute of the day. That will probably lead to problems in your relationship anyway.
Why is she willing to do this for him? His money issues are not her concern. Doesn't he have friends or parents he can move in with?

Old 06-02-2004, 06:21 AM   #5
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rocking IN. USA
Posts: 1,047
Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: A little Advice (long sorry)

You are leaving out one important thing besides they are still married. Who owns the house/dwelling she is living under? Does it belong to her or are they both mutual owners with the understanding that after the divorce is final she will keep the house/dwelling?

If it is still under ownership of both individuals then he has as much right to be there as her until all the assests are settled? She may also be doing this to keep the divorce from becoming a cat fight between each other and prolonging the divorce proceedings resulting in spending more money than necessary.

In any case, you are still the third party as long as they are still married. So, quit being a stick in the mud and relax.

Hoop( part time dirty old man as recent being accused of)

Old 06-02-2004, 08:16 AM   #6
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,600
eightball61 HB User
Re: A little Advice (long sorry)

I agree with the above...Even though they are seperated the law states that they are legally married. A divorce will take time to do which means you have to take you time also. Let her get over this and you guys and still keep you contact. When the divorce is done then move thing to the next step.

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