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Help!!!!! relationship problem

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Old 06-10-2004, 01:28 AM   #1
Ronny love lexi
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 50
Ronny love lexi HB User
Unhappy Help!!!!! relationship problem

I need help about my relationship with my girlfriend. Its really urgent. As u can already guess her name is Lexi. Nice name i know. But we are having a problem. Conversation on the phone is becoming dim. Before hand i used to make her laugh so much.....but now we just dont know wot to say to each other. We have had our problems but we have worked through those really well. She does have alot of pressure like peer pressure, exams, school and she is saying that i stress her out alot. Yeh i admit i call her a bit tooo much but i am jus really concerned and worried.But about a month ago she said that she was really confused. She knows that i love her and that i will always stand by her. She wanted a cool off period about a month ago just to get her head sorted out. She had the cool off then she was all over me. She wudnt stop saying that she loved me. We have been together for 10 months now. things were so perfect about a month and a half ago. then it all went wrong. she got stressed and so did i because of exam pressure and stuff. I mean even now she says that she does love me but conversation on the phone has just got dim. I used to make her laugh so much on the phone but now i cant. Its takes so much to get a little giggle from her. I asked her if she thought our 'spark' had gone. She said that it had....then i asked if she just wanted to call it a day....but she refused so heavily to that. she also said that we can sort it all out and stuff and she said that the spark could be revived. She doesnt want me to leave her. I mean i have supported her through thick and thin. She has hurt me alot by saying stuff like she hates me and she dont love me.....but i thinhk she only said that out of anger and stress. 2 days ago she was thanking me so much for sticking by her side and not giving up. she said that se really loved me and that she never wants me to leave her. but conversation on the phone has just got so dim. Now we have like moments of silence where we aint saying anything....we have even started sighing to each other on the phone. I asked her if she was bored of me but she said that she wasn't. things are different when we are together tho. When i am actually with her she is the happiest i have ever seen her. I mean her friends see us in town and they say we look like the perfect couple and they say to me that they havnt seen her that happy in years. She never has a smile come off her face when i am with her. She is always giggling so much and saying that she loves me and that she doesnt want to leave me. she is alwayz hugging me to. she says that hugging me and stuff is like an anti depressent and that it cheers her up so much. So things are brilliant when iam with her. but they become dim on the phone. How do i cheer her up on the phone? how do i make her laugh again? i really want to revive our relationship. I aint able to see her until the 25th of this month wich is along ay awa. Im just afraid that it will get worse in that time period and she will leave me.i love her so much and she is my little precious rose. she is everything to me. help me please.
I am sorry this is sooo long. I am jus paranoid and bloody worried as hell. i am open to any suggestions. i really appreciate you reading this and thank you. Some one please help me. Ronny

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Old 06-10-2004, 06:42 AM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,335
Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Help!!!!! relationship problem

There is a good old fashioned saying that goes like this: "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"... I would first try not to call so often. You'll have more to say during those quiet periods of time if you only talk to her every 2 or 3 days - or even once or twice a week.
She'll have more chance to think about you before you do call, about what she wants to say.
Also, I may be wrong here, but even though a sense of humor is VERY important, sometimes when things are stressful a woman doesn't want to be "cheered up". They want someone to listen and understand how they are feeling -
She may also be a little depressed if alot of stuff is going wrong. That would explain the silences over the phone - it's hard to carry on a coversation for long if you are depressed.
Reassurance, Listening, understanding, respect for her "space"...
Give those a try?

Old 06-10-2004, 08:05 AM   #3
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,600
eightball61 HB User
Re: Help!!!!! relationship problem

You are a great boyfriend and she see that. You have done nothing wrong..You stick by her side and you are there when she needs you. She is most likely under some stress and its good that you are there for her but you need to give some space for her to sort things out.

I wouldn't worry about the phone silence because it is just a phone. Try not to call as much and when you see her don't call right when you get home. If you want to say goodnight them make a 3 minute call for that. Why don't you try to make her laugh when you see her know instead?

In my relationship right now, I see her everyday and still call her but we limit it to about 10 to 20 minutes on the phone because sometimes there is just so much dead air.

Last edited by eightball61; 06-10-2004 at 08:29 AM.

Old 06-10-2004, 08:19 AM   #4
Red Velvet
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Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 46
Red Velvet HB User
Re: Help!!!!! relationship problem

I had the same problem. My ex-boyfriend and I would have a great time when we were together, but had hardly anything to talk about on the phone. We eventually broke up due to the number of times he called me and stressed me out. I felt guilty for not being able to give him the attention he wants, but I was very commited to school. If your girlfriend is a good student, exams, and the university/college life itself is an ongoing stress machine. You need to give her space in the terms that Ruth said...stop calling her so often. She can call you if she feels like it. It doesn't mean she or you love her is a big commitment, and you have to understand it is her number one priority right get ready for life. My current boyfriend and I made an agreement that I would call him when I was done my homework...and if it was just a good night call, so be it. We are long-distance, so phone is our main source of communication. It really helped me out because it would give me the time for school that I needed. In terms of why she doesn't laugh or the silence on the phone, she is probably thinking about her homework. I laugh less during the school year, and I always worried about schoolwork over the phone to my boyfriend. You just need to support her by listening to her concerns and giving her the space to do what she needs to do at home and school. Summer will be least, it is for me!

Hope this helps.

Last edited by Red Velvet; 06-10-2004 at 08:23 AM.

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