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  • Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

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    Old 06-18-2004, 11:28 PM   #1
    CiaoBella
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    Question Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    Why are guys as a general rule so insecure?

    Most men I have ever been friends with have said, or demonstrated they were insecure. I am wondering why this is?

    (I know there are secure, confident Men out there, but they seem very rare)

     
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    Old 06-19-2004, 12:03 AM   #2
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    Wow...well, I guess anyone's guess is a good as the next, because who will ever really know? But I think the movie Fight Club dealt with this issue pretty well. We're a nation of one-parent families, and as corny and old fashioned as it sounds, I really do think boys need their same sex parent there, very present and on a regular basis. It's dad's job to help the boy separate from mom and steer away from all things feminine and identify with father and identify with being male. Without a strong, constantly present father figure to help him do that, they grow up stuck in that "girls are icky", painting a "no girls allowed" on the clubhouse door stage until they are old enough to date, then they use their friends as the male figure, and they want to date girls and at the same time learn how to separate from them. It must be very confusing. Young men these days seem to have more hostility toward women generally than I think most any other generation. I'm hearing the phrase "psycho-bi%ch" more and more. I also heard a study that among the top five fears men have is powerful women. I think a grown up, mature man is a secure man. The insecure ones are really little boys still trapped in little boys' bodies, still trying to separate from mother.

     
    Old 06-19-2004, 01:01 AM   #3
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    Quote:
    Young men these days seem to have more hostility toward women generally than I think most any other generation. I'm hearing the phrase "psycho-bi%ch" more and more. I also heard a study that among the top five fears men have is powerful women. I think a grown up, mature man is a secure man. The insecure ones are really little boys still trapped in little boys' bodies, still trying to separate from mother.
    I totally agree with that! I am afraid for this generation. It is scary how much hatred young people have these days.

    I never heard about the Top 5 fears, but I have experienced it.

    What about the Men from previous generations who came from a two parent household? The Men I am referring to mostly have both parents together(I am older). I wonder what their root cause is?

     
    Old 06-19-2004, 07:27 AM   #4
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    I think it has alot to do with intimidation. Not too long ago women stayed at home and raised the kids while the men worked. Now, it is common for the wife to earn more than her husband. Women are more independent now more than ever. I live by myself. My boyfriend lives by himself. I find that I am more well-rounded because I can cook, clean, work, pay bills, fix things, and take care of myself. He on the other hand, lives like the sterotypical bachelor. His place is unorganized and his eating habits are insane. I definately think that he needs more "woman" in his life than I need a "man". This example illustrates why men are becoming more insecure. Women don't need them like they used too. When they don't feel needed and find that they are often competing with women in their careers they begin to feel insecure. Just as it goes for women; men like to feel needed, not needy.

     
    Old 06-19-2004, 09:17 AM   #5
    eightball61
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    I will be the first to say on this post I am the "Insecure Man". I am insecure because when I find someone that I truelly like or love they seem to disapear and thats the end.

    I have been with a girl for 9 months and still find myself insecue a lot. It mostly has to do with me wondering"will she meet another man"? If she does I will e heart broken but I have learned its life and it happens.

     
    Old 06-19-2004, 11:17 AM   #6
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CiaoBella
    Why are guys as a general rule so insecure?

    Most men I have ever been friends with have said, or demonstrated they were insecure. I am wondering why this is?

    (I know there are secure, confident Men out there, but they seem very rare)
    But as a guy that would be like me saying something to the effect of, why don't women as a general rule look like bikini models? As I've gotten older I've realized it's just a myth that's pushed by the media and overglorified by society. It's an unrealistic expectation to have. And just because a woman doesn't look exactly like a bikini model it doesn't mean she's unattractive.

    Welcome to reality.

     
    Old 06-19-2004, 12:26 PM   #7
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    hmmmm good topic. I've not really met too many insecure men to be honest. That was back before i got married though which was 7 years ago...well 5, together 7. I think if anything women are more insecure just because of how the media hypes up how the typical woman should look, dress, act etc. Society has made women feel they are supposed to look a certain way, goes both ways i guess. I think as more and more women are taking on big careers i suppose that could instill some fear into men because we arent as dependant as we once were. I too think insecurity may have something to do with your upbringing...speaking on my own experience...i could be wrong tho. I know i come from a very troubled family and am very insecure, my dh on the other hand had a wonderful childhood and is as full of confidence as they come. So i dunno, there could be a link there too.

     
    Old 06-19-2004, 12:38 PM   #8
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eightball61
    I will be the first to say on this post I am the "Insecure Man". I am insecure because when I find someone that I truelly like or love they seem to disapear and thats the end.
    We're ALL insecure. It's just a matter of degrees. I'm certainly not a man, but I'm somewhat insecure for the same reason as Jeff. It always happens to me without fail. The men I fall in love with, leave. It's hard to remain secure after something like that has happened to you a few times. I don't think men as a group are any more insecure than women are. They might be insecure about different things but still, we are all human and we all have areas we don't feel confident about.

     
    Old 06-19-2004, 01:44 PM   #9
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    Everyone, male and female, has insecurities. It's what makes us human.

     
    Old 06-19-2004, 03:54 PM   #10
    CiaoBella
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Blizzard45
    But as a guy that would be like me saying something to the effect of, why don't women as a general rule look like bikini models? As I've gotten older I've realized it's just a myth that's pushed by the media and overglorified by society. It's an unrealistic expectation to have. And just because a woman doesn't look exactly like a bikini model it doesn't mean she's unattractive.

    Welcome to reality.
    Your comparison is absurd. It is not the same thing at all. One (security) is inside and the result of faith in oneself; the other is just outward appearance.

    I don't believe it is reality for Men to be insecure. Not ALL men are insecure, just a lot.If reality means being with an insecure Man, I would rather be alone.

    People whom are insecure usually are possesive, and try to bring you down to their level. They end up killing a relationship. That old adage about having to love yourself in order to really love another is very true.

    Oh, and I look like a bikini model

     
    Old 06-19-2004, 03:56 PM   #11
    CiaoBella
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Asleep
    Everyone, male and female, has insecurities. It's what makes us human.
    Definately. It is when a person is generally insecure in their whole self that it is really a problem.

     
    Old 06-20-2004, 05:20 AM   #12
    eightball61
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    We're ALL insecure. It's just a matter of degrees. I'm certainly not a man, but I'm somewhat insecure for the same reason as Jeff. It always happens to me without fail. The men I fall in love with, leave. It's hard to remain secure after something like that has happened to you a few times. I don't think men as a group are any more insecure than women are. They might be insecure about different things but still, we are all human and we all have areas we don't feel confident about.

    "Insecurity" is an uncureable disease.

    Last edited by eightball61; 06-20-2004 at 05:21 AM.

     
    Old 06-20-2004, 12:46 PM   #13
    Blizzard45
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CiaoBella
    Your comparison is absurd. It is not the same thing at all. One (security) is inside and the result of faith in oneself; the other is just outward appearance.

    I don't believe it is reality for Men to be insecure. Not ALL men are insecure, just a lot.If reality means being with an insecure Man, I would rather be alone.

    People whom are insecure usually are possesive, and try to bring you down to their level. They end up killing a relationship. That old adage about having to love yourself in order to really love another is very true.

    Oh, and I look like a bikini model
    It sounds like you've got a personal problem(insecurity?) and someone has hurt you and instead of dealing with it you're looking for faults in other people. Why not explain what happened instead of making blanket statements and attacking anyone who tries to put it in perspective?

     
    Old 06-20-2004, 04:01 PM   #14
    CiaoBella
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Blizzard45
    It sounds like you've got a personal problem(insecurity?) and someone has hurt you and instead of dealing with it you're looking for faults in other people. Why not explain what happened instead of making blanket statements and attacking anyone who tries to put it in perspective?
    I am not insecure. I am sick of insecure Men though. I will not date an insecure(in general, not just minor isolated insecurities)man. I have no isuue to explain, and no, this does not have to do with a current or recent relationship problem. When a person is secure, they do not want an insecure partner. In fact, they are able to recognize insecurity more easily.

    I am not looking to find faults in others. I don't see where you got that from my post. If anything, you found fault with my post. You are insecure perhaps?

    I don't think I attacked anyone here. I just didn't think your bikini model analogy was on the same level. Like I said, one is a result of learning from life, maturing, knowing who you are, and having strength. The other is just genes.

    I do not think it is wrong or unreasonable for me to want a guy like that.

    I was just looking for insights on why, but apparently, I hit a nerve. So forget it.

    Oh, I really do look like a bikini model; I wasn't just saying that. I was blessed with a good figure, the self confidence I had to work for And I'd take the self security over the body any day. Seriously, it is priceless, and it lasts.

    Last edited by CiaoBella; 06-20-2004 at 04:03 PM.

     
    Old 06-20-2004, 05:03 PM   #15
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    Re: Insecurity rampant among Men...why?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CiaoBella
    I am not insecure. I am sick of insecure Men though. I will not date an insecure(in general, not just minor isolated insecurities)man. I have no isuue to explain, and no, this does not have to do with a current or recent relationship problem. When a person is secure, they do not want an insecure partner. In fact, they are able to recognize insecurity more easily.

    I am not looking to find faults in others. I don't see where you got that from my post. If anything, you found fault with my post. You are insecure perhaps?

    I don't think I attacked anyone here. I just didn't think your bikini model analogy was on the same level. Like I said, one is a result of learning from life, maturing, knowing who you are, and having strength. The other is just genes.

    I do not think it is wrong or unreasonable for me to want a guy like that.

    I was just looking for insights on why, but apparently, I hit a nerve. So forget it.

    Oh, I really do look like a bikini model; I wasn't just saying that. I was blessed with a good figure, the self confidence I had to work for And I'd take the self security over the body any day. Seriously, it is priceless, and it lasts.
    Well, maybe you just intimidate men then. A lot of men can be intimidated by a woman who looks like a bikini model. Arrogant jerks wouldn't be, though.

     
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