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  • Why am I so jealous?

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    Old 06-25-2004, 10:01 AM   #1
    Ducky1
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    Why am I so jealous?

    Hi, I'm new here but it seemed like a good place to get some honest opinions about an issue that I am having a hard time dealing with.

    The other night my wife of 11 years went out with her sister for a bachelorette night. They went to a dance club for country dancing. Now, I have always been a little jealous but after 11 years of marriage and 18 total years of being together I figured I was pretty secure.

    When I found out that the girls ended up dancing with some guys that were at the club I really felt hurt. I mean digital pictures and all. Looks like they had a great time with out their husbands. I asked my wife if she had any "slow" dances and she did tell me that a guy had asked her to dance to a slow song and she accepted. She insists that they were all just having fun and that she saw nothing wrong with sharing a dance with this guy. In fact she admitted that she was flattered to be asked to dance. A 3 minute dance and that was it. Not sure how many line dances and such but that does not really bother me that much.

    My wife came home at 2:30 and acted like everything was cool.

    Am I wrong by thinking slow romantic dances should be reserved for a husband or someone within a friendship ring? I wouldn’t care if it was a friend or acquaintance but the thought of a perfect stranger holding my wife bothers me. Why would my wife want to be with a guy that she doen't even know? I can honestly say that if the situation were reversed, I would respectfuly turn down such an invitation.

    We ended up having a pretty good fight and she insists that I am nuts but I still can't come to grips with this thing. Now I have to go to the wedding and act like everything is cool even though I'll always be wondering what went on that night with all of the girls at the wedding. Was it more than I was told? Was it no big deal. Just a few innocent dances or was it a night to forget about me and enjoy another mans courtship?

    FYI, the stag was drinks and food at a hall. I went home to my wife while the others went out to the girly bar.

    Sorry to be so long, but if anyone has any thoughts I would really appreciate hearing them.

    Thanks.

     
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    Old 06-25-2004, 10:26 AM   #2
    elatedgiraffe
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    I don't think it is a matter of right or wrong. Your wife hurt you and thats what matters. Even if she thinks that the reason you are hurt is insane she needs to take into account that you are hurt by her actions. This is not a common thing she does, right? You mentioned it was for the bachelorette party. I would brush it off as best as possible. You two have been married a long time and are secure with one another. Just because she slow danced with a stranger does not mean she does not love you. She did it because she was at a bachlorette party and was reliving her younger years. You expressed to her how you felt and she should respect your feelings. If its not a regular thing I would let it go. I understand where you are coming from, but whats the point of fighting about it when it was a one time thing?

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 10:35 AM   #3
    showerz4me
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    I don't think you're wrong for how you feel. Slow dancing is way too intimate and should only be done with your spouse (and sometimes family) when you're married. Even if it starts out innocent, it can lead to other things when the body takes over. Even sober people with strong moral values can give in to their bodies and do the wrong thing. Add some alcohol and you may really have a problem. Some people will be adamant and say their spouse would never do such a thing, but don't we all know someone who has shocked us with infidelity, someone we would have never dreamed would do that? Yes, it's flattering to be asked to dance, but you don't have to actually dance to accept the flattery.

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 10:51 AM   #4
    blaster
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    You have every right to be upset,bachlorette party or not I would have been torqued myself! Its not like she went home had had sex with this guy but never the less the bottom line is she was disrespectful to you. slow dancing in the clubs with strangers should be done by people that are not involved let alone married as long as you have been. I used to go to these clubs before I met my girlfriend who will someday be my wife and I know what happens on the club scene 90% of them are meat markets and are full of guys that want a ticket into a womans pants,I used to be one of them!It always mattered to me but I know alot of the guys could care less if the woman is married, usally the first step is to buy a drink or ask for a slow dance. By all means your wife should have told the guy no thanks, why would she even want to dance with a stranger anyhow ?since she is in fact married I know I would be just as upset.

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 11:03 AM   #5
    SophiaM
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    It was a bachelorette party. They went out country dancing. My gosh, let it go. It could have been a lot worse; they could have had male strippers, etc. The fact your wife danced with a man at the club doesn't mean she was kissing him or let him grope her. It was most likely just a dance; and it was in a public place. What was she supposed to do at a bachelorette party where everyone else was dancing; stand alone by the wall?

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 11:26 AM   #6
    Ducky1
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    Sounds like their is no straight answer here. I'm guessing the fact that they were comfortable taking pictures and my wife was so open about the night that it was really no big deal. I agree though that night clubs tend to be used for one thing and drinking does tend to loosen people up. I trust my wife but I will always wonder why she would allow another man to hold her during a love song. She said that they were not close but if they were holding hands, they could not have been that far apart. I just can't find a way to justify it.

    One of those things I'll have to deal with thats all. Love does hurt, doesn't it?

    Thanks for sharing your opinions!.

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 11:31 AM   #7
    newlywedgurl
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    Ducky, you said what I was going to before I could even get it out there. The fact that your wife was honest and open with you about not only where they were going, but what happened, etc. should let you know right there that you don't have anything to worry about. If she had been less than honest with you (Say, she says Oh my sister and I are going to catch a movie and instead ended up at a party/bar/club...THEN you might need to worry!!) Let it go! It was innocent enough. The most important part of this?? #1 she was honest. #2?? She came home to YOU!!!!

    Cheers,
    Newlywedgurl

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 11:44 AM   #8
    Ducky1
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    Thanks Newly Wed.

    First time I smiled all week.

    It's crazy...While I am very disturbed by this, I am embarrased at the same time. My wife told everyone about how I feel and now I'm embarrassed to even be in their company.

    ARGGGG!!!

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 11:50 AM   #9
    SophiaM
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ducky1
    Thanks Newly Wed.

    First time I smiled all week.

    It's crazy...While I am very disturbed by this, I am embarrased at the same time. My wife told everyone about how I feel and now I'm embarrassed to even be in their company.

    ARGGGG!!!
    Your wife probably finds it amusing that you're so jealous over this. I guess in a way it's flattering after 11 years of marriage. Trust me, if this is your biggest problem in this marriage, you are a lucky guy. All your wife did is have one dance with a guy at a bachelorette party. When she told you they weren't dancing that close, believe her and just let it go. Seems like you have a tendency to blow things out of proportion. Your friends are not judging you--they probably think it's cute that you have such strong feelings for your wife even after all these years of marriage. Don't worry about it.

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 12:06 PM   #10
    besafe20
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    Don't feel bad for being upset. My husband would never even let me go to a club without him because he said he doesn't want other guys trying to dance with me or hit on me. While we were dating he said he would be jelous if I was out dancing with other guys at clubs. He read this post and says "that isn't how a marriage should work." Sounds kinda immature that your wife would go out and do this plus find it ammusing.

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 12:10 PM   #11
    CoreyP
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    I would never let Sophia go to a bachelorette party, slow dancing with male strippers.

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 12:13 PM   #12
    elatedgiraffe
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Trust me, if this is your biggest problem in this marriage, you are a lucky guy.
    My thoughts exactly. If in 11 years of marriage this was even worth posting about; you must have an awesome marriage. Count your blessings that you have a marriage many here are dreaming about. You are a lucky guy and theres no need to be so hung up on this. Take care.

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 12:15 PM   #13
    SophiaM
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    Look, let's put things into perspective. Women are expected to not make a big deal out of their boyfriends and husbands going to strip clubs for bachelor parties. Not only will other men tell these women it's not a big deal, but even other women will encourage that attitude. Now that would be a problem for me. But what's one dance at a country music club (correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think these clubs would attract the same type of crowd as regular dance clubs)? The wife is not going out dancing every weekend without her husband; it was only once and it was a bachelorette party. And as far as you know, there was no indecent behavior involved. All I can say is, don't create problems where there are none.

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 12:16 PM   #14
    CoreyP
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe
    My thoughts exactly. If in 11 years of marriage this was even worth posting about; you must have an awesome marriage. Count your blessings that you have a marriage many here are dreaming about. You are a lucky guy and theres no need to be so hung up on this. Take care.

    Yes I do agree, I wouldn't want my wife to go out slow dancing all the time, but a bachelorette party is one day the ladies get to act a little bit single for a night, Its ok to get a little jealous, but enjoy that, it would suck if you didn't care at all. I think a little bit of jealousy makes things fun. Now you get too make up, thats when it really gets fun, Have a great night.

     
    Old 06-25-2004, 12:22 PM   #15
    SophiaM
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    Re: Why am I so jealous?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by CoreyP
    I would never let Sophia go to a bachelorette party, slow dancing with male strippers.
    Corey, sweetheart, I would NEVER do that to you. But can I have one squaredance with a cowboy? Pleeease? I won't even hold his hand, I promise. No touching whatsoever. I will keep my hands behind my back at all times and so will he

     
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