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  • Boyfriend still in love with ex

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    Old 07-12-2004, 08:28 AM   #31
    lolliegirl
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    Re: Boyfriend still in love with ex

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by always confuzed
    i agree with all the responses. To keep comparing yourself to a girl from 11 years ago for 6 months straight is not only unhealthy to the relationship but unhealthy on your own mental health as well. It happened way to long ago to keep ranting about it for this long. Don't mean to sound harsh but i can't blame your man if hes more than annoyed with it. If it's that bad then stop nagging him about his past life that you were not present in and move on from the relationship, but good luck finding someone who has never had their heartbroken. He isn't with her for a reason, is now with you, that alone should say something. If hes comparing you then yes theres a problem, but he has told you he doesnt wanna talk about it. Being best friends does not mean you are entitled to his every emotional thought if it doesn't involve you...well or involve you for that matter. You need to let it go before you drive this guy away and only have yourself to blame in the end. He can't change the past nor is he wrong for having a past, that is something you have to accept. We all have a past, i've had my heart broken so has my dh...doesnt mean we don't love each other.
    See, the thing is, he is the one that brings her up most of the time. Everyone does. I cannot get away from her. His family talks about her, his friends talk about her. They don't say nice things about her but I still hear about her at least 3 times a month even though is was 11 years ago. I honestly never brought her up because he told me in the beginning that I was the one and that I was the best girlfriend he has ever had, so it never even occurred to me that he was still in love with her until we were having a light-hearted conversation. He was asking me about my past relationships and I asked him innocently about his ex's and he became extremely ****** off. I did not badger him about it. He is the one that will make comments about her like, My first girlfriend had really big boobs, she was really good looking, we were best friends. I honestly try not to bring her up because I know I am not going to like what he says. It is hard to let it go, when it is in your face all the time.

     
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    Old 07-12-2004, 08:37 AM   #32
    eightball61
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    Re: Boyfriend still in love with ex

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lolliegirl
    See, the thing is, he is the one that brings her up most of the time. Everyone does. I cannot get away from her. His family talks about her, his friends talk about her. They don't say nice things about her but I still hear about her at least 3 times a month even though is was 11 years ago. I honestly never brought her up because he told me in the beginning that I was the one and that I was the best girlfriend he has ever had, so it never even occurred to me that he was still in love with her until we were having a light-hearted conversation. He was asking me about my past relationships and I asked him innocently about his ex's and he became extremely ****** off. I did not badger him about it. He is the one that will make comments about her like, My first girlfriend had really big boobs, she was really good looking, we were best friends. I honestly try not to bring her up because I know I am not going to like what he says. It is hard to let it go, when it is in your face all the time.

    This was probably his first love. This is no excuse though for his action and he needs to get over her. You are someone new that he excepted into his life and you will never be that ex. nor want to be. That was 11 yrs ago and him and his family need to let it go.

     
    Old 07-12-2004, 08:49 AM   #33
    lolliegirl
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    Re: Boyfriend still in love with ex

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    I'm afraid Nini could be right. This guy is not giving you his all. After 11 years he still has her dress and wants you to try it on?!! What did you say to this more than bizarre request? I truly hope you DID NOT comply. I would have started a major fight, no doubt about it, which might have (probably) culminated with this shrine of a dress being slightly altered in appearance. Ok, it would be lying on the floor in pathetic shreds after I'm done with it. Remember, old fabric tears easily. This would definitely push my limit. Not to mention talking to you about things such as the size of her boobs and suggesting you get implants!!! Oh, that would not sit well with me. Tell him to get an implant himself--you know where. How arrogant of him. He should make you feel like you're a beautiful goddess, not like some ex from years ago was more attractive than you. I'm sure that's not true, but I can see why you would start feeling this way. Well, you will do what you deem appropriate, but I don't see that this man is giving you the kind of appreciation and love you deserve. Why should you be with someone who makes you feel second best? Not every man is a fan of humoungous mammary glands hanging down to the woman's knees. You're just with a wrong guy, I think.
    Don't worry, It would be a cold day in hell before I put that ugly, skanky dress on. And when he first told me that she had really big boobs, I didn't think anything about it, I mean how big could they be naturally? Well, I did find out when I ran into her at a club, and let me tell you, you must be physic because I am pretty sure they do touch her knees. Even though, I don't find that look attractive, it still makes me feel bad because he is not happy with my physical appearance. I would never get implants and I told him that, and he always says "Are you sure about that?" It is just hard for me to believe that this is what our relationship has come to? I don't know what to do? I feel like I am in a bad dream.

     
    Old 07-12-2004, 09:02 AM   #34
    lolliegirl
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    Re: Boyfriend still in love with ex

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe
    I didn't realize this guy was actually comparing you to his ex like that. My opinion on this issue has totally changed. No wonder you are a basket case. I would be too if I was compared to an ex and told about her big boobs! And he wanted you to wear her dress?? I don't know what to say, other than I agree with SophiaM. UGH--and the nerve of him to ask you to get a boob job. I hate men like that. I don't think a man who asks a woman to do that for his own pleasure has any caring of the pain or risks that he would put the woman he "loves" through. Please don't change for him. He must love you for you, not a clone of his ex. You say you are living with him. Have you thought about leaving him? I know feeling inferior to his ex must have a toll on your self esteem and this cannot be good. You have to decide whether to accept this and find a way to be happy being his 2nd best, or leave...
    I have thought about leaving many, many times. When I saw her for the first time, it really sunk in that she does exist and she is always going to be a part of our relationship. I came home and started packing my bags because I knew that this is something I can't live with. My boyfriend started freaking out and unpacking my stuff as I was packing. We got into a huge fight but ended up making up. The thing is, I have no where to go, I was going to go to a shelter to live. If I had a place to go, I would be gone but I don't, so it seems that my only option right now is to stay and try to work it out. We have gotten into other fights as well and he has told me that if we did break up it wouldn't hurt as much as it did with his first girlfriend. We got into a huge fight last night because he started talking about her with my aunt and my uncle when we were visiting them. I think this is completely inappropriate to talk about her to my family and he has done it before.

     
    Old 07-12-2004, 09:14 AM   #35
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    Re: Boyfriend still in love with ex

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by lolliegirl
    I have thought about leaving many, many times. When I saw her for the first time, it really sunk in that she does exist and she is always going to be a part of our relationship. I came home and started packing my bags because I knew that this is something I can't live with. My boyfriend started freaking out and unpacking my stuff as I was packing. We got into a huge fight but ended up making up. The thing is, I have no where to go, I was going to go to a shelter to live. If I had a place to go, I would be gone but I don't, so it seems that my only option right now is to stay and try to work it out. We have gotten into other fights as well and he has told me that if we did break up it wouldn't hurt as much as it did with his first girlfriend. We got into a huge fight last night because he started talking about her with my aunt and my uncle when we were visiting them. I think this is completely inappropriate to talk about her to my family and he has done it before.
    Why would you have to go to a shelter? Is this your only alternative? He really does need to let this go. Doesn't he see it is interferring with your relationship? Do you have friends you could stay with?

     
    Old 07-12-2004, 09:23 AM   #36
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    Re: Boyfriend still in love with ex

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by susieq0726
    Why would you have to go to a shelter? Is this your only alternative? He really does need to let this go. Doesn't he see it is interferring with your relationship? Do you have friends you could stay with?
    That's what I want to know too. Why a shelter? Do you work? Why couldn't you just find an apartment or move in with your parents temporarily? Anyhow, have you tried putting your foot down and telling him no more mentioning the ex and no more talk about her big boobs? Make it clear to him that you won't have any of that, and if he starts the said topic, tell him you need to go and leave the house for a while. Don't participate in any discussions about her with him and maybe he'll learn this subject is not to be discussed. If he won't stop, I don't know what choice you have but to leave him. He is disrespecting you and your relationship by not making you the priority you deserve to be.

     
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