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  • I Feel crummy, need to vent-everything still fine

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    Old 09-04-2004, 01:39 PM   #1
    hillaryb
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    I Feel crummy, need to vent-everything still fine

    I feel so crummy today! Im tired and in a bad mood and stuck with the kids until hubby is off in a couple of day (more like 3 really) . Today Im sick of being alone. I wish my husband could be around more. We went to his work last night to see him, but it puts us off the next day cause he works so late, and we have to stay out late. We had a nice time though. Im really tired. I havent been feeling the best lately. My 2 year old got thrush from her antibiotics and she is fussy and was up alot last night. I woke up to ants coming in my front door this morning. My husband was gonna try to stop by this morning, but he had to work late, so he couldnt. i have alot to do today, but I feel so blah. My daughter got into bed with me early this morning, and when we woke up, the sheets were wet from a leaky diaper. I have to wash everythign now. I emptied the guinea pig cage but Im too tired to fill it back up just yet (this thing is huge, like 6 feet long). Im grumpy and i find myself irritable with the kids, then I feel like a bad mom. I need to clean my carpets. I need to get groceries. grrrr. Ive been counting the seconds till bedtime since about noon. I miss my husband. I hate him working so much, and traveling. I dont blame him in the least, and I will never get mad that he is gone, but Im lonely, especially today. He is currently interviewing with another company, and when hired, his schedule will be soooo much better. That doesnt help today though. It was easier when we were separated because I kind of enjoyed being alone (cause it was peaceful and we couldnt get along anyway). Im sick of being sick and tired so much. i know its a given that Im not always very healthy (ever sincei got cancer it seems like i get alot of infections and stuff) but being on my own with the kids so much, I worry about the times I will wake up barely able to take care of them. I will; have a fever or be throwing up and need to lay down, but I cant. When I am sick, I dont know how I do it, but I do what i need to do and it is torture. I cannot stay in bed, because the older child has to go to school, and the 2 year old needs to be cared for allday. Ive had mono, and infections dealing with my uterus (after miscarriages) and Im sick of it all. I know that I can handle anything, when I think of how I have felt in the past and still been able to care for the kids, pets, house, etc, but its so hard. Im not sick today, just needed more sleep than I got. I will live. I hope tomorrow is better. Husband isnt off until tuesday, so I have to get by until then. Marriage is still good though. Hubby thought he wouldnt make it in this morning, and I Told him it wouldnt make me mad, but he said he wishes he could see me more, and is upset that he had to work late again. Its not his fault, and it doesnt cause any problems in the marriage, thank god. Ok , enough of the pity party and back to work. I will try to get the kids out to do something fun to break up the monotony today. it may make time go by faster intil they need to be in bed. ugh

     
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    Old 09-04-2004, 01:50 PM   #2
    promisez
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    Re: I Feel crummy, need to vent-everything still fine

    Sounds like you need a smile sweetie.
    I know I'm gonna get slapped, but you didn't say if it was your diaper that leaked.


    (duck)
    If it wasn't, aint life grand? Have a caramel cappuccino

     
    Old 09-04-2004, 01:52 PM   #3
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    Re: I Feel crummy, need to vent-everything still fine

    hillaryB----BIG HUG------

    I'm sorry that you are feeling so crummy today. You really do alot you know and should give yourself credit for the things you do. First off, hardly seeing your hubby is definately something to be blue about and then getting over cancer, taking care of the kids, preventing abuse at the neighbor's house..you are doing your best and wow..you and after all that you still have time to come onto the boards and help someone out often.

    Do you have friends/family nearby that could take the kids for the day or help you out around the house? What about hiring a maid to come in every so often and help clean/laundry? Sounds like you just need a break for a little while. Have a babysitter watch the kids and go get you a pedicure or a back rub. You are right that if you aren't 100% or close then you can't be 100% for the kids. A break from everything maybe the refresher that everyone invloved needs. Then you can come back into the situation and not be irritable with the kids. You gotta do for you once in awhile. If you lived near me I'd come and watch the kids so you could go to the grocery store and do your thing for a while. Hang in there...vent again if ya need to

     
    Old 09-04-2004, 03:22 PM   #4
    realguy
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    Re: I Feel crummy, need to vent-everything still fine

    Remember, your husband is interviewing for another job. The kids will eventually mature. Life will get easier down the road. You can look back on this time of your life and tell stories of ......"when i was your age........ LOL.

     
    Old 09-04-2004, 05:01 PM   #5
    hillaryb
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    Re: I Feel crummy, need to vent-everything still fine

    things are a bit better. the youngest is almost ready for sleep and my oldest isnt a problem on weekends. she doesnt have homework tonight, so i wont have to hassle her about getting stuff done and getting to sleep. I do miss my husband. Ive been holding down the fort for a long time, and though I will do it as long as I have to, it gets old. I create balance in mylife, so I dont end up hating my family lol. I come on here (im addicted to this board) and get to relax late in the evening a bit. I consider my pets to be therapeutic, though they create more work. Ordinarily, I dont feel so overwhelmed. I think Im just so tired, I feel like I weigh a million lbs and everytime I try to move, I just feel sluggish (lol I weigh 120-chasing kids makes for great exercise!!!!) and that's not like me. Last time i felt like this I was pregnant again but didnt know it at the time. that one ended in miscarriage, but I dont think that is an issue here. One of my friends called. Guess i will call her back. I cant wait to go to bed and wake up tomorrow feeling better. Im so freaking tired...

     
    Old 09-05-2004, 02:38 AM   #6
    Ninispjc
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    Re: I Feel crummy, need to vent-everything still fine

    I'm sure you're tired and stressed, but what a wonderful tired and stressed! think of it this way: You've been blessed with a husband to miss and with beautiful children to drive you crazy! My life is all to myself, lots of quiet alone time, no husband or kids to worry about or chase around, but I'd trade places with you in a New York minute.

     
    Old 09-05-2004, 06:48 AM   #7
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    Re: I Feel crummy, need to vent-everything still fine

    Hillary, you're my hero, honestly. You have so much on your plate and you're trying to be the best in everything you do. You deserve a medal. I can imagine it must be overwhelming at times, but family life has many rewards, just like Nini pointed out. Especially now that you get along so well with your husband. I would also trade places with you, except maybe for the leaky diaper part. I am hoping to have a child born with a built-in toilet training program--talk about unrealistic expectations!

     
    Old 09-05-2004, 01:37 PM   #8
    promisez
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    Re: I Feel crummy, need to vent-everything still fine

    Hillary, you doing OK?

     
    Old 09-05-2004, 07:39 PM   #9
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    Re: I Feel crummy, need to vent-everything still fine

    I hopee you are doing better today

    I don't know much about you but have you thought of having a nanny around to help you out. I dont know your finacial position but you could work and your hubby can keep up his share. Job life and family life I am sure is hard to balance and when I marry I hope I can be there but I just donno at this point

     
    Old 09-06-2004, 05:13 AM   #10
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    Re: I Feel crummy, need to vent-everything still fine

    Hillary,

    Iíve always had trouble remembering names, but when you mentioned your cancer, all your previous posts just jumped out. You are a strong woman to have to go through what youíve been through and still be able to maintain your sanity. Well, if not, you sure have me fooled. I should know, I lost my sanity years ago. Actually, I donít think I ever came with any now that I think about it.

    You do what you have to do even when you were by yourself with the kids. But, I donít know how you women do it either. Thatís one of the things Iíve always and will always admire about women. Despite all their nagging, LOL women will always be emotionally stronger than men.

    With you and your husband together again, I hope things are going much better and easier for you and I hope you are feeling better today.

    What is the status of your cancer?

    What happened to your original handle ďHillaryBashĒ?

    What did you do to Sophia's STATUS!!!!!?????

    HOOP! ( Sophiiiiiiiieeeee!)

     
    Old 09-06-2004, 12:11 PM   #11
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    Re: I Feel crummy, need to vent-everything still fine

    Hillarybash was shortened by the mods for reasons which they posted on their board (I asked). I have been cancer free for 12 years. I had cat scans for 6 years. I guess it ends up in my posts alot because it is probably the most significant early event in my life. Having health problems for me will always be scary (what if its back??) but Im alive, and even if it isnt for as long as I would have hoped, Im here today. Hubby and I are still going great. I recently did a search for my old posts and didnt even recognize the girl in those posts. He is working alot, so he cant be here. THat is why he is applying with another company. He wants to be here. He should be hired on within the next couple of weeks. Its funny, when I read my old posts, I would have assumed things were hopeless. I would have advised the poster to plan on maybe being single soon. I have underestimated my husband. He was capable of so much, and he delivered. Not everyone would do that. I realize now why I married him in the first place. He is a good guy, a great dad, and a better husband (now) than most women are lucky enough to find. Im usually fine having to take care of everything here. I just had a day where I really felt crummy, and I came down with a cold or something. I didnt guilt trip him about it (he feels guilty regardless) and the following day was great. Plus whenever he can be here he is, and will go out of his way to help out. He is off tomorrow. I get 2 days of not being alone. Im stunned by the way things have turned out for us. We have NEVER been the way we are now. And its been consistently good for several months now. The few speedbumps we hit recently were worked out painlessly-just a little bit of compromise and more communication and we are still happy. The kids seem happier too. I feel kind of bad. Initially I feel like I painted myself as the victim in all this. I wasnt. Alot of what was going on was him reacting to me, and then me reacting to him. I was AWFUL. He was too, but I think I probably started the whole ugly pattern. There are very few actual innocent victims out there. Remember that when reading posts. There is almost always something the poster can do to improve their situation. Anyway, Im gonna quit running my mouth. Finding Nemo is almost over and I have to go. BTW, my computer is behaving badly and I may not be able to respond regularly. What will I do, my connection to all you grown-ups will be temporarily limited??

     
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