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    Old 09-22-2004, 11:26 AM   #1
    reddoorblack
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    Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    How do you give someone time and space when it's the last thing in the world you want? I am hurting so badly and I don't know what to do with the pain. I've never felt anything like this before. I am in love with the most wonderful man. Over several months he has become my life. The relationship was very serious. We are/were deeply in love with eachother, even discussing marraige. I hurt him and that's what lead to his not being sure if he wants the relationship anymore and needing time. He won't talk to me. I don't know what to do. I'm not sure I am going to make it through this.

    Last edited by reddoorblack; 09-22-2004 at 12:55 PM.

     
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    Old 09-22-2004, 11:35 AM   #2
    eightball61
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    You will make it through this....You have us & we are a great team.

    First off I know that you are feeling down but you need to get up and find something active to do. Then you should maybe check into talking to a counselor about this because they will help you and make you see new light. Also, give him the time and space he needs. He needs to figure some stuff out but he wants to do it alone. Hopefully things work out but if they dont it was for the best and there are many positives than negatives in this world.

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 11:45 AM   #3
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    [QUOTE=eightball61

    First off I know that you are feeling down but you need to get up and find something active to do. Then you should maybe check into talking to a counselor about this because they will help you and make you see new light. Also, give him the time and space he needs. He needs to figure some stuff out but he wants to do it alone. QUOTE]

    eightball,

    Thank you for taking the time to respond to me. Your post made me cry because I know you are right. I'm not taking care of my self and literally am making myself physically ill. I don't have anyone to talk to about this and the counselor idea might be a wise idea. I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that he was able to just slam the door shut. No more discussion. No more anything. Where do people come up with the strength to deal with something this horrible?

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 11:54 AM   #4
    eightball61
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    Sorry to make you cry and we are here for support like I said before. We have many good people that are here to help. It is hard not having anykind of closure but something made him do that. What you need to do though is care for you. Some people laugh of the counselor idea this early but I think its best for you.

    Do you have any friends to talk to or share anything with? family? You did say no about having someone to talk to but I am a good listener.

    Keep talking to us because we are here.

    Last edited by eightball61; 09-22-2004 at 11:55 AM.

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 11:58 AM   #5
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    Heartache to me is the most emotionally painful experience. I too, have been there...it hurts to even breathe. May I ask what you did to hurt him?

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 12:08 PM   #6
    Cp406
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    Hey. I am going through the exact same thing right now. My post is further down the page called "what to do...". I was the one that needed the space in the beginning. A week ago today actually. I got 2 days into and realized how miserable I was without him, so I went back only to find that he doesn' know. He won't talk to me, or when I need to go home (we lived together) to get something he won't even look at me. He cries when he sees me, but I never did anything to hurt him in a major sense. The marriage issue had came up with us to. I know now that he is my soulmate, and I am scared to death that he is going to end it. I should get my answer by the weekend.

    So what I have been doing to keep myself sane? Writing letters. I have so much bottled up to say, and since I can't talk to him, I write him a letter. So far I've given him a 3 page typed letter, and now I'm going to take out a 5 page letter, plus I made a scrapbook of our realtionship with pictures etc. It may not do the situation any better or worse, but it will make me feel better knowing that I have tried everything I possible could.

    Can I ask what happened that he got hurt?

    If you want to chat, we could get through it together.

    Last edited by Cp406; 09-22-2004 at 12:10 PM.

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 12:10 PM   #7
    SaraE10
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    Hey there!
    First of all, you need to keep in mind that as bad as a heartbreak hurts, it will heal. It may be hard to see right now, but it's only going to get better and better with each day. So try to take baby steps and live each day at a time. When you go to bed at night, be happy that you're one day closer to your dreams coming true. You deserve to have a man who is going to devote his life to you and your happiness... and you will do the same for him. If this guy is the one who will do this for you, then he will be back. If not, try and understand that it's better you found out now. You will look back on this, once healed, and know why it happened. And then you'll be thanking God you didn't get what you think you want so badly right now.
    Try to get involved in something you enjoy on a regular basis- like lessons in something. For instance, when I was dealing with a breakup I took up country line dancing and it got me past the heartache MUCH quicker. Plus, it's something fun that I do on a regular basis now! Work on yourself during this time, and be proud when you make little achievements such as getting through a day without trying to call him. It will heal, I promise!!

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 12:11 PM   #8
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    Hi there,

    Sorry you are in pain, but we are all here to help you. I hate to be nosy, but what happened that hurt him so bad? Sometimes havin' all the info helps us give you advice, or at least make you feel better.

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 12:23 PM   #9
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    It was selfishness and jealously on my part. I was acting insecure and hurt so I pushed him away. That's about the extent of it. I guess it's kind of like another thread I read a little while ago about testing people. I wanted him to hurt like I was hurting so I wouldn't see him over the weekend. My head is spinning. He says I hurt him very badly and I think, actually I know, he's afraid of being hurt. What I did was ruin a very important weekend for him because I was afraid, jealous, hurt, insecure - and in turn ruined my life. I've begged him to talk to me and he won't. I am so thankful to you all who have responded and who have tried to help. Nothing like this has ever happened to me before. I've never felt pain like this before. Thank you all so much.

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 12:25 PM   #10
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    Just read my own posts. Am I pathetic or what? All I want is to be strong and honestly, all of you really are a huge help. Thanks!

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 12:29 PM   #11
    eightball61
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    I am dealing with the same thing and I am seeing my insecurity coming back into play. These boards have helped me out alot but alot has been done on my own. My fear are loosing that special one and I am sure that was yours. He gave you this space you can think things out. A counselor will work and I can try my best to guide you though.

    As I said many time before its all about you at this point. You have to be strong and stick with good thoughts. When he goes out you should try to keep yourself busy on whatever. I have found that writing a journal has also helped.

    This is something that doesn't take a day to get over. I am fighting mine and you can do the same. If you want we can fight together Remember though to keep happy thoughts and stay busy.

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 12:37 PM   #12
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    Nope, you are not pathetic..if thats the case then we'd all be pathetic a time or two on these boards.

    It doesn't sound like you did anything unforgivable. We all get insecure at points in the relationship. We all never want to be hurt and we often push people we love away because of this.

    If he won't talk to you right now then give him some space. I know its hard, but you don't want to push him away. Show him now that you do love him and do respect him by giving him the time he needs. He will find that very attractive in you.

    He just needs some time...you two have not broke up. So save those tears when you definately now that its over. My feeling as he'll come around and you've been crying for nothing. Hang in there and hope for the best.

    Last edited by elatedgiraffe; 09-22-2004 at 12:38 PM.

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 12:44 PM   #13
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe

    He just needs some time...you two have not broke up. So save those tears when you definately now that its over. My feeling as he'll come around and you've been crying for nothing. Hang in there and hope for the best.
    That's just it and is what is causing me so much pain and anxiety. I don't know if we have broken up or not. I think we have but I'm not entirely sure. I'm afraid right now if I try to push him, that's what is going to happen. I don't think I have done anything unforgivabe either but we all have our breaking points and I'm afraid he's there. I sent him an email this morning pretty much begging him to talk to me and to forgive me. No response. I don't know how much longer I can sit around and wait and wonder what he's thinking and what he's going to do. I don't want to be gross but I'm allowing myself to become so upset that I've been t******g up constantly for the past 3 days. This is not healthy.

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 12:49 PM   #14
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    I would tell him how sorry you are and then give him the space he has asked for. If he won't talk to you, write him a letter.
    If he in deed wants his space, nothing you can do will change his mind, and getting in his face about it will only make it worse.
    We have all said on this board time and time again that you cannot control the actions and emotions of another person. God gave each and everyone of us free will and sometimes we must respect it - Even when you feel like you can't breathe.
    If you truly love each, love will find the way.

     
    Old 09-22-2004, 12:49 PM   #15
    eightball61
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    Re: Hurts so bad I can hardly breathe!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by reddoorblack
    That's just it and is what is causing me so much pain and anxiety. I don't know if we have broken up or not. I think we have but I'm not entirely sure. I'm afraid right now if I try to push him, that's what is going to happen. I don't think I have done anything unforgivabe either but we all have our breaking points and I'm afraid he's there. I sent him an email this morning pretty much begging him to talk to me and to forgive me. No response. I don't know how much longer I can sit around and wait and wonder what he's thinking and what he's going to do. I don't want to be gross but I'm allowing myself to become so upset that I've been t******g up constantly for the past 3 days. This is not healthy.

    Its the anger ego....so much has built up to him that he just needed to get away for a bit to cool off and let it all out. You can't control what happen nor change it but you can correct it. See what a counselor has to say but give him the time and space and see if he comes around.

     
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