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  • When RED flags fly*

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    Old 09-23-2004, 11:02 AM   #16
    eightball61
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by PeggyHarmon
    I don't work with them. Melayne and the boss had a "thing" together...she involved us for our advice. Now all of sudden my partner is in a lie...Melayne is calling out of the norm or dropping by the house....so I'm kinda confused myself as to the odds of all of this. Maybe the boss picked up something and they used him as an excuse in the event of rumors on them. I dunno

    It still doesn't matter...She is the main one making all this because a soap opra. Just tell her you want no part and maybe for the time have her stop coming over till you straighten it out with your partner.

     
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    Old 09-23-2004, 11:16 AM   #17
    PeggyHarmon
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eightball61
    Just tell her you want no part and maybe for the time have her stop coming over till you straighten it out with your partner.
    ya know you are right... the thought ocurred to me the Damsel in distress syndrome* although she doesn't give me the vibes, I think its safe to say someone's interest isn't up to par. IMO. I am no dummy....and I hate being treated like I'm the one with the problem and overreacting.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 11:24 AM   #18
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by PeggyHarmon
    ....and I hate being treated like I'm the one with the problem and overreacting.


    I hate that feeling to and to eliminate all of that I think putting the friendship or whater you call it on hold for a bit. Let them talk at work but that is there time. When your man comes home then that is your time to work things out with him and if he has an issue at work then you both worked at it together. As a partner you are a supporter of him and noone else that will try to ruin that.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 11:46 AM   #19
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Hi Peggy!
    I think I am understanding what's going on. Your partner should never have lied about telling you about the conversation. That is originally what made you question your trust. Now they have made you out to be the bad guy because you suspect something is up! In a relationship, your feelings should come first to your partner. So the fact that you are upset is VERY important and they seem to be belittling you. I would be furious. Regardless of whether or not they were "involved", it's wrong not to take you seriously. You are important! Your feelings matter!
    Let me know if I am way off on this... I kinda had to back up and re-read the posts a few times.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 11:50 AM   #20
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SaraE10
    Your partner should never have lied about telling you about the conversation. That is originally what made you question your trust. Now they have made you out to be the bad guy because you suspect something is up! In a relationship, your feelings should come first to your partner. So the fact that you are upset is VERY important and they seem to be belittling you.:
    yea thats it in a nutshell... basically. It came to a head when I stood there wondering what was so important the 2nd call in short time span. If it was a conversation that was nothing, nothing would have been said that I was standing there...even if I was quizitive. Then I got accused of being over jealous and monitoring the friendship and call. And making me out like I'm the crazy one really has chapped me and they both are snickering about it fondly at work.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 11:57 AM   #21
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    That is a BAD cycle, Peggy! You got stuck with doubt in your head, and it caused you to respond differently to little things that may not have been issues before you were cursed with this doubt. Like the 2nd phone call. It probably wouldn't have meant anything before, but now it's a red flag! And other little things are going to make you suspicious too. Break that cycle if you can. Get rid of the doubt- either by finding a way to become 100% certain your partner is not cheating, or choosing to ignore the voices telling you to be so suspicious. The second thing is much harder to do. That's why so many people snoop through cell phones or check e-mails, etc... The doubt just eats them alive. You have got to think intelligently on this one, and block out the urge to jump to conclusions. But you do have every right to be upset and to stand up for your role as a very significant person in your partner's life. Demand respect! And demand the truth from this mess.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 12:01 PM   #22
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    This post is better than a game of "Who's on first?"!

    I had to read throug everything a couple of times to get it right - Well I think I got it right anyway,,,,

    Here's what I think: (For what it's worth!)
    #1 - You and your partner should not be involved with M's problems with her boss. She should have never brought the two of you into it. Especially because this is a work affair (Bad idea in my book) Like I always say: It's hard to tend your own garden when your tending someone elses. Quite frankly, it's none of your business, but "M" has opened her mouth and dragged you in.
    #2 - If she wanted advice, then fine. Get it and move on. Someone else's office affair shouldn't cause a rift in your own relationship with your partner.

    This is where I get a little confused. If "M" was having an affair with her boss and he is a man, (I am assuming "M" is a heterosexual) why are worried about your partner having something going on with her? Is "M" bisexual? (I hope I have all of the players correct,,,)
    Maybe your partner actually lied to "M" about telling you about the affair, and then got caught in the middle of it when you went to the office that Saturday and was trying to cover her own butt. Just a thought.
    Bottom line: You and your partner are involved in something that has nothing to do with the two of you. I would just simply bow out of the whole thing and would advise your partner to do the same.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 12:03 PM   #23
    eightball61
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SaraE10
    Demand respect! And demand the truth from this mess.

    Demand is good but she may not get the answer looking for. That is why I think singleing this women out is a good factor and she can work with her spouse from there. Its like math when you have to eliminate some numbers to get the vaiable.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 12:17 PM   #24
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by susieq0726
    This is where I get a little confused. If "M" was having an affair with her boss and he is a man, (I am assuming "M" is a heterosexual) why are worried about your partner having something going on with her? Is "M" bisexual? .
    Melayne is hetrosexual, the boss is a man. Melayne has expressed at different times thru the years, she'd be with a woman if there was a chance. I'd say she might be bi but hasn't explored that. She's had numerous affairs at work. My partner was caught almost having one---at work, and it got nipped after I threw a rip roaring fit. That was 2 yrs ago. And I've not had any doubts about anything since. I'm starting to question what type of game is actually be played, and if I'm that team player at all. Kinda foolish of me to not think something after all I've already been through. However, it wasn't Melayne's behavior--it was my partners behavior that triggered all the flags* and her defensiveness to my over reacting. When I know in fact I have not accused them of anything. I just asked why I was lied to...why she called 2 times in a row... and why she made sure she knew I was standing there in their conversation. Me, I'd shooed them away silently and then let them know after I got off the phone I didn't appreciate their noisyness. To me that flag saying "someone's right here listening, I can't talk was generally displayed"

    Last edited by PeggyHarmon; 09-23-2004 at 12:18 PM.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 12:19 PM   #25
    eightball61
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    This just gets wierder and wierder but the post...wow I though he was a real she and she was a she.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 12:21 PM   #26
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by PeggyHarmon
    Melayne is hetrosexual, the boss is a man. Melayne has expressed at different times thru the years, she'd be with a woman if there was a chance. I'd say she might be bi but hasn't explored that. She's had numerous affairs at work. My partner was caught almost having one---at work, and it got nipped after I threw a rip roaring fit. That was 2 yrs ago. And I've not had any doubts about anything since. I'm starting to question what type of game is actually be played, and if I'm that team player at all. Kinda foolish of me to not think something after all I've already been through. However, it wasn't Melayne's behavior--it was my partners behavior that triggered all the flags* and her defensiveness to my over reacting. When I know in fact I have not accused them of anything. I just asked why I was lied to...why she called 2 times in a row... and why she made sure she knew I was standing there in their conversation. Me, I'd shooed them away silently and then let them know after I got off the phone I didn't appreciate their noisyness. To me that flag saying "someone's right here listening, I can't talk was generally displayed"
    Ahhh,,,,Ok. That helps. I would be concerned too. If your partner was close to having one in the past, I can see where you would feel this way. She should be somewhat understanding because of this and be a bit more reassuring I think. I don't know,,,Do YOU think there is something going on???

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 12:34 PM   #27
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by susieq0726
    Do YOU think there is something going on???
    I hadn't doubted anything of their friendship, until her reaction over the phone. At that moment it clicked why lie about trival things, and then react that way when I was clearly standing there, letting the party on the phone know I was standing there. Now I'm beginning to look into it more from the past and I totally can't see that Melayne would do anything out of the ordinary because she was or has seemed to be both of our friends genuinely. It was remarked she wouldn't be calling the house anymore in spite of all this...and I feel as I was used as a scapegoat to make that "jealousy" thing for some attention on my partners behalf.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 12:36 PM   #28
    eightball61
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Can I sneak in and get this questioned answered....Is M a man or is she really a she?











    sorry but I am a slow learner

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 12:41 PM   #29
    PeggyHarmon
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    ohhh yes Melayne is a woman... boss is the man... my partner and I are females...been together almost 4 yrs.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 12:44 PM   #30
    eightball61
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by PeggyHarmon
    ohhh yes Melayne is a woman... boss is the man... my partner and I are females...been together almost 4 yrs.

    Uhh....Gotcha....As you see I dont get out much Sorry but thanks for clrifying that for me

     
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