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  • When RED flags fly*

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    Old 09-23-2004, 08:16 AM   #1
    PeggyHarmon
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    When RED flags fly*

    I'm asking for advise on how to approach this situation. Many of you regulars here have great advice to offer, so I wish to share this dilema with you. Sorry it's long. But for you to get a general feel as to why I think something is amist, I need to include a little extra.

    My parnter's co-worker(Melanye) and supervisor(JP) were engaging in some inappropriate behavior. Both were in relationships. My partner confided in me that it was taking place, and I said nothing. Out of the blue Melanye, whom lives down the street from us confided in me that it was going on--not my partner-her friend. It was only speculation of office talk. I didn't tell this Melayne it was being gossiped about. My advice to Melayne was to back off the situation, both being in a relationship, and JP being her boss was not such a great idea. Then my partner got mad because Melayne was confiding in me, and not her as her friend. I sorta dropped that situation in Melayne's ear that she wasn't using their (my partner and her friendship) and maybe she should confide in her more than me. So she did...my partner shared with me some details of the ordeal/gossip and I just kinda stayed out of it. It's been happening about 2 mos. Melayne said she didn't want anything to do with the boss--had rethought it and told JP so. JP then informed her my partner had interest in her and that she needed to watch that. Melayne came to both of us and told us what the boss said...I was ticked @ JP (the boss) because I wouldn't have suspected him to fool around with a coworker...and knows we're partnered so why bring problems on us like rumors of that sort. I thought maybe it was his way of separating her from the friendship so he could talk her into having an affair, because we're both saying No to her. Ok...so I went by their work Sat. and Melayne asked me did my partner explain something that happened to her with him.. I said NO, my partner standing right there said Yes I did, you're mistaken...and winks for me to lie. I said well maybe she did I don't know because life has been hectic...excuse from me. She explains this and that, and I support her logic of distancing herself from him, etc. "red flag 1" why would my partner not tell me--and then expect me to lie as if she did. I don't think Melayne has anything to hide from me. Then all last week my partner stayed up late, watching tv... but our 2nd phone was moved from where I put it that night before. We're the only 2 in the house. So it red flags me. Melayne drops by, and visits for an hr. and the next night she calls. Her stopping by and calling hasn't been a past routine. Then last night Melayne calls and says she wants to tell my partner who passed away in town, and I hand the phone to her...walking off. 30 mins. later its her again, wanting to speak to my partner...highly unusual so I stood there momentarily to see what my partners response would be over the phone to her and I got from her loudly "Quit standing there listening to me, why are you doing that? while on the phone with Melayne, as to let her know I'm there close by". Red flag big time...!!!! I asked why had Melayne called 2 times in such a short time. To tell me something, was her reply....like what? It became a defensive arguement that I was over jealous of her friend. I said I am far from being jealous from someone whom I've trusted for years in and out of this house, but something isn't right...and I storm off. Then this morning, she calls in at work to check in and how was my morning, etc. and said "Melayne" won't be calling anymore she didn't mean to tick you off and send you into some jealous accusation...I said I wasn't accusing her, or you of anything...however, maybe I need too? Then I asked to put Melayne on...I said "Mel" I wasn't jealous and never have been of you, I just couldn't figure out how come you called 2 times in short time spam and thought something was wrong...she said I dont' know why she's acting like this...and apologized for thinking I was mad. I wasn't mad at her, at my partner yes. Her behavior was uncalled for...Ok...so now I've given her the cold shoulder treatment about the situation on Sat. and had meant to talk to her and now its all coming about. How do I approach the situation where I am not accusing them of anything but I am inquestive to the intentions of why I am getting red flags. Can you regulars help here...I want to remain level headed, but I am furious for making her think something that wasn't and having her think she told me something and hadn't....and of course I'm accused of making all this up and something thats not.

    Last edited by PeggyHarmon; 09-23-2004 at 09:06 AM.

     
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    Old 09-23-2004, 08:36 AM   #2
    eightball61
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    I don't know what to say here.......He wanted you to lie right in front of her That is a redflag to me also. There seems to be to much drama in this office. This co-worker seems like she is trouble and like to get the attention. I would beleive the co-worker though because it seems like she tries to get people into trouble.

    If it was me I would stay clear of this women and try to communicate with my man on this one. Alot of He said and She said is going on and you dont know who to beleive. I am believing the co-worker right now. I dont know what but he did something that is making him be jumpy.

    You may not get the straight answer right out but try to talk to them and see what you gather. IF you come to find trust is being to hard here then look for a new job and start a new life and stay out of work related relationships.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 08:41 AM   #3
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Hi-
    Honestly your post was very hard to follow. Maybe try putting in "names" for everyone involved..that may make it less confusing. I'm assuming when you said your partner..you mean female partner? And you think theres something going on between your female partner and her co-worker? Really the whole post confused me. Sorry..maybe you can clear it up

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 08:50 AM   #4
    eightball61
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    It was hard for me to flollow to but I think I got the most part by where the co-worker was now turning thing onto PeggyHarmon's man saying something was going on between the both of then and she came out clean and now the BF is trying to hide it. Thats what I got.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 08:54 AM   #5
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Oh, wow..thats totally different than what I thought. I am so lost..

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 08:54 AM   #6
    eightball61
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe
    Oh, wow..thats totally different than what I thought. I am so lost..

    Peggy we need you for a minute

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 09:07 AM   #7
    PeggyHarmon
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe
    Hi-
    Honestly your post was very hard to follow.
    OK i fixed it, try reading it again and see if thats better. Being at work I get distracted sorry

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 09:26 AM   #8
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by PeggyHarmon
    OK i fixed it, try reading it again and see if thats better. Being at work I get distracted sorry
    Okay I've re-read it and I'm still really confused Do you think something is going on with M and your partner? What was your partner supposed to tell you?

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 09:29 AM   #9
    eightball61
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by PeggyHarmon
    OK i fixed it, try reading it again and see if thats better. Being at work I get distracted sorry


    Did I get it right? lol

    Last edited by eightball61; 09-23-2004 at 09:29 AM.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 10:17 AM   #10
    PeggyHarmon
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Melayne was suppose to tell us what the boss told her about her telling him she wasn't going to go thru with the affair. And he said he loved her....she told my partner and asked her did you tell Peggy? She said yes, when in fact she hadn't told me athing...and then expected me to lie saying she did. I think something is going on---I don't know if its she doesn't want to discuss the ordeal with me, or is interested in Melayne. I did have a talk with her earlier on the phone and I told her, you are displaying some RED flags...and if its nothing, why are you being so defensive..her response was "because you would think so low of me that I would !!!! " and I said nooo I am saying someone has a different interest here than needs to be...and I think its you and I can't put my finger on it. She's denying anything of the sort...but like I said someone who has to lie about something, even innocent, has something to hide? Or thats the way I see it. What made me the most upset was she made it out to Melayne I was upset she called and accusing them of something behind my back when that wasn't what I'd done.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 10:26 AM   #11
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    i see redflags too on this...
    __________________
    'to really live you must nearly die'-received from a vietnam vet

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 10:52 AM   #12
    eightball61
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    The relationship with the boss should never have happened. The boss is now backing off and seems to want it all over but everything is stick back firing. There is to much drama here and you are the middle man. I still dont know how to respond here but maybe you should just tell her that you want to stay out of the whole thing.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 10:53 AM   #13
    PeggyHarmon
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    ok, so I am not jumping the gun and being crazy...so how do I approach the situation. I tried to discuss this and defensively I got told be my partner I am wrong in thinking it--or assuming it, and I'm crazy for even thinking anything between them two. I didn't think anything was between the two...I did think it was unusual to lie about something so minut. My response to her was, its because your behavior is displaying something different and I'm not getting good vibes. Why would I pick up red flags???? and I thats when I got told I was nuts, and basically hung up on. Now Melayne thinks I'm over reacting, and they are sharing the situation as that I'm over jealous. *sigh* I'm actually hurt by this because she shouldn't have said anything to Melayne, or while on the phone if she had a problem with me standing there, she could have waited for it all to be in private. Or thats why my feelings are hurt now because its spread about the work place that i'm overreacting.

    Last edited by PeggyHarmon; 09-23-2004 at 10:55 AM.

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 10:56 AM   #14
    PeggyHarmon
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eightball61
    The relationship with the boss should never have happened. The boss is now backing off and seems to want it all over but everything is stick back firing. There is to much drama here and you are the middle man. I still dont know how to respond here but maybe you should just tell her that you want to stay out of the whole thing.
    I don't work with them. Melayne and the boss had a "thing" together...she involved us for our advice. Now all of sudden my partner is in a lie...Melayne is calling out of the norm or dropping by the house....so I'm kinda confused myself as to the odds of all of this. Maybe the boss picked up something and they used him as an excuse in the event of rumors on them. I dunno

     
    Old 09-23-2004, 11:01 AM   #15
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    Re: When RED flags fly*

    I would lay low especially since this is effecting the work enviornment. Just act like you are over everything, but keep your eyes open and your ears sharp because I do sense some red flags. You don't have any proof so until you do you have to sit tight.

     
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