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-   -   Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!! (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/212021-please-help-i-broke-my-wifes-trust.html)

depressesskater 10-25-2004 11:36 PM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
[QUOTE=soulster]Who knows how far it would have went if his wife didnt find out. He said they both decided that it was enough but what if the ex called again a bit later and restarted the whole thing ... how far would he have gone then if his wife had never found out??? Nobody knows, probably not even him... I guess thats why affairs happen all the time. But one thing is that he is truly remorseful for his actions which is really absent in many people who feel no guilt what so ever. I really believe this was a sort of wake up call for him... like hey what the heck was I doing I in no way am going to throw my life away for that. Well good luck to you... now you can appreciate with much more value the life that you have.[/QUOTE]


I actually stopped talking to my ex on my own accord weeks before my wife found the bill... Nothing good was coming out of the conversations, at first they were about our past and that wasn't a problem, its when she would bring up our being together that it started becoming bad. At first I commented on it, its flattering, and all, and what guy wouldn't appreciate the attention, but been there, done that, plus I love what I have now, next subject... we'd talk more on what, why and when stuff went bad, even went as so far to tell her we're completely different and our interest were conflicting back then... she'd go back to our being together, so eventually I realized she wanted more than to talk, so I stopped all communication, had a last chat, told her to never ring, blocked the IM name and email address and let it go, I should have told my wife then, but I wussed out... could more had happen, yeah, if I didn't love my wife, but I did, yeah I slipped and should have see it from the jump, just need to file this under never ever make this mistake again section.

eightball61 10-26-2004 06:16 AM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
[QUOTE=depressesskater]thanks once again, sorry I haven't updated this thread, just trying to move on![/QUOTE]


Move on or create a new post with an update in the future if you like. I am glad you did stop by and fill us in a little. I do wish you both the best and we will always be here :wave:

Wowwwweeee 10-26-2004 12:59 PM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
Hi Skater,

You write, [I]..."I confronted the guy at the counter in the gym after he told my wife something that I told him in confidence, she got angry at me at first, but I told her that I didn't feel my actions were wrong...". [/I] You're STILL keeping things from your wife. THAT is a problem.

soulster 10-26-2004 01:12 PM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
Yeah I dont get that one... maybe confiding in your very best friend and that too maybe, but the guy at the gym counter... unless he is your very best friend I dont see why you would go there?

depressesskater 10-26-2004 07:12 PM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
[QUOTE=Wowwwweeee]Hi Skater,

You write, [I]..."I confronted the guy at the counter in the gym after he told my wife something that I told him in confidence, she got angry at me at first, but I told her that I didn't feel my actions were wrong...". [/I] You're STILL keeping things from your wife. THAT is a problem.[/QUOTE]

wasn't anything important, it was just stupid guy crap, that guys talk about, just like women, but he ran back and mention it to my wife... it was a simple misunderstanding, actually it was something she told me, so it wasn't like she didn't know about the subject, just that I told him, and he said something about it to her after I had just finish telling him that people in the gym dont mind their business and to much crap get spread around... I wasn't keeping anything from my wife.

realguy 10-26-2004 07:42 PM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
I was going to make a comment about this situation after reading all the posts, but in my opinion post #135(weeping willow) says it all.

excaliburgrl 10-28-2004 02:46 AM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
hi depress...glad things have calmed down for you a bit...you learned a very valuable lesson here...time is the only thing that will heal your wifes heart (i know that from my own situation)...but she may never trust you again and that's something you have to learn to live with...my hubby gets angry sometimes when i question his whereabouts but if you make your own bed, you have to lie in it...not trying to be mean about that statement...i sure am glad things are getting better between the two of you... :)

Wowwwweeee 10-28-2004 10:05 AM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
Your buddy at the gym is no friend. It's clear that there still will be "he said, she said" even on the mildest of levels.

Move onto another gym, BOTH you and your spouse. There is too much drama at this gym now, and hey, it's ONLY a gym. Find another one, even if it's a little bit more of a drive.

There will always be conflict associated with you and your spouse and your ex at this gym. Yes, it will probably die down, but it will still be there. Move on from the reminders of this troubling time, and find a brand new gym.

huk945 10-28-2004 11:10 AM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
dear dep,
YOU MESSED UP!!!........here's how the game is supposed to work.
a) you are a married man
b) you acted irresponsible
C) you acted very selfishly
d) it is totally improper for you to be goofing w/an ex...about anything.
take your closure and stick it, that is only your own rationalization and justification system at work that allowed you to behave improperly.knock off the self serving nonsence, beg that womens forgivness and grow up

eightball61 10-28-2004 11:14 AM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
Huk945 welcome to the boards :wave:

Ninispjc 10-28-2004 01:14 PM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
[QUOTE=Weeping Willow] Forget their closure, who cares how they feel. You have a committment with your wife now, not them. Her feelings should be number 1 on your priority list, they weren't and it will take a long time for her to come to terms with that, sort it out in her mind, and move forward. [/QUOTE]

I must say this comment wounded me. While I agree that your spouse's feelings should be paramount, I do think closure can be a good thing to give to someone. As someone who still cries my eyes out every night regarding my ex after 7 years, I'd give my soul for just a little bit of the peace that closure might give me. But I will probably never get it, so I will most likely stay in this hell forever. I think it's sad to say that someone you once made love to, exchanged body fluids with, lain naked with, and told them that you loved them, now suddenly has to become a non-person because acknowledging their existence would upset your spouse. I think it's a pretty insecure spouse who insists that all evidence and thoughts of all exes must be destroyed forever. Skater makes it clear in his first post he didn't really enjoy talking to his ex, but was glad for the closure. People hurt each other sometimes. Sometimes time, distance can add some perspective and some closure can be a good thing for both parties. I didn't read anything in his post that suggested he had any romantic intentions whatsoever. I also believe that his wife's feelings weren't necessarily second with him, he just didn't see at the time that his wife would have such a big problem with it. Yes, he should have told her. Men do tend to do whatever's necessary to avoid conflict. But I tell you, I'd give my right arm for a husband as loving and as devoted as Skater. If a few phone conversations with a long-ago ex were all I had to worry about, I'd consider myself very very lucky indeed.

Music4All 10-28-2004 01:29 PM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
It is certainly an interesting observation of the human condition to see just how significantly our comments, advice, and perspectives are relative to the world in which we live at the moment. It is difficult to internalize outside of our circumstances and experiences of the moment. We do often evolve and change in our perspectives of things, but only after some experience that prompts us to "see" things differently.


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