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-   -   Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!! (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/212021-please-help-i-broke-my-wifes-trust.html)

realguy 10-26-2004 07:42 PM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
I was going to make a comment about this situation after reading all the posts, but in my opinion post #135(weeping willow) says it all.

excaliburgrl 10-28-2004 02:46 AM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
hi depress...glad things have calmed down for you a bit...you learned a very valuable lesson here...time is the only thing that will heal your wifes heart (i know that from my own situation)...but she may never trust you again and that's something you have to learn to live with...my hubby gets angry sometimes when i question his whereabouts but if you make your own bed, you have to lie in it...not trying to be mean about that statement...i sure am glad things are getting better between the two of you... :)

Wowwwweeee 10-28-2004 10:05 AM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
Your buddy at the gym is no friend. It's clear that there still will be "he said, she said" even on the mildest of levels.

Move onto another gym, BOTH you and your spouse. There is too much drama at this gym now, and hey, it's ONLY a gym. Find another one, even if it's a little bit more of a drive.

There will always be conflict associated with you and your spouse and your ex at this gym. Yes, it will probably die down, but it will still be there. Move on from the reminders of this troubling time, and find a brand new gym.

huk945 10-28-2004 11:10 AM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
dear dep,
YOU MESSED UP!!!........here's how the game is supposed to work.
a) you are a married man
b) you acted irresponsible
C) you acted very selfishly
d) it is totally improper for you to be goofing w/an ex...about anything.
take your closure and stick it, that is only your own rationalization and justification system at work that allowed you to behave improperly.knock off the self serving nonsence, beg that womens forgivness and grow up

eightball61 10-28-2004 11:14 AM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
Huk945 welcome to the boards :wave:

Ninispjc 10-28-2004 01:14 PM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
[QUOTE=Weeping Willow] Forget their closure, who cares how they feel. You have a committment with your wife now, not them. Her feelings should be number 1 on your priority list, they weren't and it will take a long time for her to come to terms with that, sort it out in her mind, and move forward. [/QUOTE]

I must say this comment wounded me. While I agree that your spouse's feelings should be paramount, I do think closure can be a good thing to give to someone. As someone who still cries my eyes out every night regarding my ex after 7 years, I'd give my soul for just a little bit of the peace that closure might give me. But I will probably never get it, so I will most likely stay in this hell forever. I think it's sad to say that someone you once made love to, exchanged body fluids with, lain naked with, and told them that you loved them, now suddenly has to become a non-person because acknowledging their existence would upset your spouse. I think it's a pretty insecure spouse who insists that all evidence and thoughts of all exes must be destroyed forever. Skater makes it clear in his first post he didn't really enjoy talking to his ex, but was glad for the closure. People hurt each other sometimes. Sometimes time, distance can add some perspective and some closure can be a good thing for both parties. I didn't read anything in his post that suggested he had any romantic intentions whatsoever. I also believe that his wife's feelings weren't necessarily second with him, he just didn't see at the time that his wife would have such a big problem with it. Yes, he should have told her. Men do tend to do whatever's necessary to avoid conflict. But I tell you, I'd give my right arm for a husband as loving and as devoted as Skater. If a few phone conversations with a long-ago ex were all I had to worry about, I'd consider myself very very lucky indeed.

Music4All 10-28-2004 01:29 PM

Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!
 
It is certainly an interesting observation of the human condition to see just how significantly our comments, advice, and perspectives are relative to the world in which we live at the moment. It is difficult to internalize outside of our circumstances and experiences of the moment. We do often evolve and change in our perspectives of things, but only after some experience that prompts us to "see" things differently.


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