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  • Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

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    Old 10-04-2004, 02:26 PM   #121
    Kay33
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    I read your post as saying she should be back to normal almost any day now. I'm sure I misunderstand your post and all of the ladies are laughing at my ignorance. I personally think it would take several months before things got completely back to normal between them if everything goes well. Please clarify this for me.
    I'm not laughing--this lady happens to agree w/you.

     
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    Old 10-04-2004, 02:41 PM   #122
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by heartlandguy
    I think we all want his wife to work through her pain and resume life as before. What is a reasonable amount of time for her to work through this?

    Susie, being a knuckle-dragging male I don't understand Women's Standard Time. I read your post as saying she should be back to normal almost any day now. I'm sure I misunderstand your post and all of the ladies are laughing at my ignorance. I personally think it would take several months before things got completely back to normal between them if everything goes well. Please clarify this for me.

    It really depends on the woman. We're all different, and deal with issues in a different way. Some women might not ever get over it. Some women would need a few months. I personally would have gotten over it by now.

     
    Old 10-04-2004, 06:26 PM   #123
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ninispjc
    Well, I guess all that can be said at this point is good luck to you, depressed. It sounds like you've put all the balls in your wife's court and it's up to her to decide whether you're worth keeping or not. It's obvious how much you love your wife, and it's obvious you have no feelings at all for your ex. I can even hear contempt for her in your posts. And yes, you're right, it's probably extremely painful for your ex to see the wonderful life your wife has with you. Which is why I could never in a million years even be within eyesight of my ex and his wife. Maybe it's just me, but I simply can't relate to your wife carrying on so much. My ex boyfriend always told me he had a weakness for beautiful brown eyes, and a girl he associated with through work had really pretty brown eyes. His tone of voice always changed, he got this real upbeat lilt in his voice whenever he talked to her. When she called I could always tell it was her by the tone in his voice when he spoke. Often, when he would play a gig he'd forget to put my name on the list at the door but he broke his back making this cute pretend all-access backstage pass for her. I looked through his photo book and saw a picture of her eyes, just a close up of her eyes. I questioned him about it, he denied he had it. The next time I looked at the book it was gone. She was always very huggy, handsy with him, and I could feel her sort of freeze up whenever I came around. I brought up my concerns to him a couple of times, and both times he got angry with me and said I was being unreasonable. If I carried on like your wife over a couple of phone calls, my butt would be dumped faster than you could say Jack Robinson. I still say your wife has no idea how lucky she is to have a man who is willing to step up and take responsibility and do whatever it takes to work things out. I still don't feel she really has cause to overreact the way she is, but like they say, there are no wrong feelings. She's entitled to feel the way she feels, but she's just darn lucky, that's all I can say. There are women who actually do get cheated on, women whose husbands are having kids with other women, husbands who are doing much more dishonor to their wives and vows than you did, and their wives still want them. I do have to ask why your wife is so quick to throw it all away when other women forgive a lot worse? Does she not care if she loses you, or is she just so sure you'll be sorry you'll flog yourself as long as she wants you to, and you won't do what most men would do at some point and say "I've done all I can, I've said I'm sorry as much as I can and it's not good enough for you. I can't do anymore. Bye."
    I agree with you, Nini. I think this woman is damn lucky to have a husband like this.

     
    Old 10-04-2004, 06:44 PM   #124
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    My opinion is not to make too much of an ordeal out it. Tell her your story and that your sorry you may have handled it wrong and if she thinks she needs a seperation that you will do what she wants but that isn't what you want. She will get over it. Some woman are very sensitive when it comes to that and now you know but there isn't anything you can do about it. Possibly go to another gym though!!!!

     
    Old 10-04-2004, 06:55 PM   #125
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    I can summarize this in one sentence: "Much Ado about Nothing."

     
    Old 10-04-2004, 07:02 PM   #126
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    I won't add much more to this thread. I ran out of nickels to add to the machine.

    I'm just happy for you both that she doesn't believe you cheated on her anymore, but is just ****** at you for the other reason. That will take time, but things will get back to normal for both of you.

    As for this gym thing, yes, she should go to another gym if that's feasible and maybe buy her a video tape or something....

    "Buns of Steel!" Just don't buy her that "Bo Thai" tape or whatever it's called.

    HOOP! ( I put in a buck fifty into this thread already)

    .

     
    Old 10-05-2004, 09:50 PM   #127
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    ok... me and my wife have been married for 6 years... we got married in Australia, we moved back here shortly after we were married... My wife has no family here other than myself, my daughter and my family (my mom and my brother)...I am in essence all she has here outside of her friends... I let her down, so here I am, the only person she can rely on and trust, and I break that.... I can't say whether I deserved what I got or not, because I did it, and chance are I would lean in my favor, we're humans, we make mistakes and some of us are honest enough to deal with them.... I lied, everyone told me to speak to my wife and tell her about my ex and talking to her... but I wussed out, be it guilt, shame or just plain stupidity... I outright lied to her, knowing that I am all she has here... I just want to set the record straight to those who feel that she may be over reacting.... we're working things out... hopefully we'll find a counselor, but for now its one day at a time...

    I love you hon, sorry it took me being a f-up to see that and to see what you guys mean to me... nothing I say will ever take away my actions... all I can ask is that you be the better person (which you always are) and give this screw-up of a husband to show you how much he loves you and one day gain your trust... I can't control others and what they say or do, I can only control myself and only work on myself in hopes to become a better person...

    I love you and never stop loving you.... I never stop thinking of you, nor love you any less at anytime... I know youre hurting... if I could give you a piece of me to heal you I would...

    Last edited by depressesskater; 10-06-2004 at 12:01 AM.

     
    Old 10-06-2004, 06:12 AM   #128
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    Cool Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    Good Morning,

    At THIS point (and my opinion only - female perspective here): Skater, if you and your spouse are going to work on reconciling, then WORK ON IT. No more sleeping on the couch, no more keeping this wound so "open". Bottom line, either you two are going to making your marriage work and commit to that, or you're both not.

    Would your spouse forgive you faster if you just found out you were dying of a terminal illness?

    Would you forgive yourself faster if you realized that your wife no longer loved you?

    My point being, the both of you should STOP putting off the inevitable of getting back on track in your marriage, and just do it. Don't wait - because the longer the wait, the longer the healing.

    If something were to happen to either of you TODAY, could you both live with the knowledge that healing could have happened YESTERDAY?

    At this point I don't think it's so much about who was right or wrong. Both parties agree that there has been a breach of trust. Yes, that hurts, TERRIBLY. And quite honestly, many posters on here say Mrs. Skater is lucky to have such an open and loving man for a husband. However, how lucky she is now for being put in this situation, eh? Whether this has been an eye opening experience for Mr. Skater to show him how much he does value his family, damage has been done. There is no denying that.

    Everyone reacts differently to hurt and to healing. With that said, even if time is needed, the time to push forward together is NOW. That's all we have.

    Either you both can move past this or work it together, or you can't. That's the bottom line.

     
    Old 10-06-2004, 07:26 AM   #129
    Ninispjc
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wowwwweeee
    Good Morning,

    At THIS point (and my opinion only - female perspective here): Skater, if you and your spouse are going to work on reconciling, then WORK ON IT. No more sleeping on the couch, no more keeping this wound so "open". Bottom line, either you two are going to making your marriage work and commit to that, or you're both not.

    Would your spouse forgive you faster if you just found out you were dying of a terminal illness?

    Would you forgive yourself faster if you realized that your wife no longer loved you?

    My point being, the both of you should STOP putting off the inevitable of getting back on track in your marriage, and just do it. Don't wait - because the longer the wait, the longer the healing.

    If something were to happen to either of you TODAY, could you both live with the knowledge that healing could have happened YESTERDAY?

    At this point I don't think it's so much about who was right or wrong. Both parties agree that there has been a breach of trust. Yes, that hurts, TERRIBLY. And quite honestly, many posters on here say Mrs. Skater is lucky to have such an open and loving man for a husband. However, how lucky she is now for being put in this situation, eh? Whether this has been an eye opening experience for Mr. Skater to show him how much he does value his family, damage has been done. There is no denying that.

    Everyone reacts differently to hurt and to healing. With that said, even if time is needed, the time to push forward together is NOW. That's all we have.

    Either you both can move past this or work it together, or you can't. That's the bottom line.
    Bingo. That's really all I've been trying to say, only I didn't say it nearly as well. Either you can keep sleeping on the couch and beating yourself up, and your wife can keep fuming, or you guys can get together and start putting your marriage back together. I understand that you're her only family here and she relies on you and all, but the fact remains you are still taking much more responsibility than most men would in your situation. And that makes her very lucky.

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 07:19 PM   #130
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    He's just Insecure about himself. Insecure people need to be "stroked" by outside sources. He was looking for attention from her. He would have even went further if he kept the contact going. IF he didn't get caught, he would have cheated. It's so obvious. He was leaving the door wide open for this ex to come on in.

     
    Old 10-18-2004, 10:28 PM   #131
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    Skater........I wish you and your wife the best of luck in your relationship. From what I have read, you seem like a good sincere man and are truly sorry for your actions. I bet, in time, you guys will be just fine.

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 09:08 PM   #132
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    IMHO an affair is anything that you would not do as if your spouse were standing right next to you. You emotionally cheated on her, at least in her book. How would you feel if she done that? Probably not very good.
    I say tho flowers, candy, gifts, and countless times of saying "sorry" are fine and dandy but don't mean a whole heckuva lot when it boils down to it. To me that's like getting dirty and spraying yourself down with cologne. You may smell better but the dirt is still there. All the cologne does is cover it for awhile. You need to figure out what your wife needs emotionally to get over this. Deep down she needs something, something that you and only you can provide to make her heart start healing. Good luck on trying to figure out what it is and how to go about doing it.
    From now on, smile, nod, and keep walking when you run into an ex. Forget their closure, who cares how they feel. You have a committment with your wife now, not them. Her feelings should be number 1 on your priority list, they weren't and it will take a long time for her to come to terms with that, sort it out in her mind, and move forward. Don't get upset at her accusations and her PI work that she will be doing if you work things out. Trust is something that takes forever to build but only a few seconds to destroy. You must do everything in your power to help her rebuild that trust.
    Good luck.

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 10:48 PM   #133
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    Who knows how far it would have went if his wife didnt find out. He said they both decided that it was enough but what if the ex called again a bit later and restarted the whole thing ... how far would he have gone then if his wife had never found out??? Nobody knows, probably not even him... I guess thats why affairs happen all the time. But one thing is that he is truly remorseful for his actions which is really absent in many people who feel no guilt what so ever. I really believe this was a sort of wake up call for him... like hey what the heck was I doing I in no way am going to throw my life away for that. Well good luck to you... now you can appreciate with much more value the life that you have.

    Last edited by soulster; 10-20-2004 at 12:08 AM.

     
    Old 10-20-2004, 07:24 AM   #134
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by soulster
    Who knows how far it would have went if his wife didnt find out. He said they both decided that it was enough but what if the ex called again a bit later and restarted the whole thing ... how far would he have gone then if his wife had never found out??? Nobody knows, probably not even him... I guess thats why affairs happen all the time. But one thing is that he is truly remorseful for his actions which is really absent in many people who feel no guilt what so ever. I really believe this was a sort of wake up call for him... like hey what the heck was I doing I in no way am going to throw my life away for that. Well good luck to you... now you can appreciate with much more value the life that you have.


    No one can't predict the future and I do agree here that no one really knows what may have happened. The wife did react to it and may have went somewhat overboard to what some people think but she was just making the right steps. She needed time to think about things and have him think about things and what most important to him. Hopfully things are working out and I wonder if he will ever be back to give an update.

    good post soulster.

     
    Old 10-25-2004, 11:23 PM   #135
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    Re: Please Help... I broke my wifes trust!!!!

    ok... things are back to somewhat normal, I sleep in my bed, we're being affectiate to one another, etc... I write alot to my wife every night (see, I work night and at times I get pretty bored) this has been keeping me busy between work and the down time... We're talking more, she knows I have stuff I need to work and we try to deal with stuff thats more important. We have had a couple of arguements on other subjects and one involving the gym, but I think she's realizing that the gym is becoming more of a gossip den than anything else (I comfronted the guy at the counter in the gym after he told my wife something that I told him in confidence, she got angry at me at first, but I told her that I didn't feel my actions were wrong and that I handle the best way I saw fit, basically the people there having nothing better to do than interfere in the lives of others, so it died down and I guess she realized my point, non the less it was something I needed to do) other than that I have been just trying to re-assure her that I love her, that I only want to be with her and that I realize what I have and will work on regaining her trust. thanks once again, sorry I haven't updated this thread, just trying to move on!

     
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