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  • Can you please help with difficult girlfriend?

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    Old 11-02-2004, 09:06 PM   #31
    Fury23
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    Re: Can you please help with difficult girlfriend?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wowwwweeee
    Fury,

    How old are you both?
    I'm 23 and she's 21.
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wowwwweeee
    Female perspective here. Although women demand to be treated as equals, sometimes this treatment stops in the girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. Some women still expect to be catered to, paid for, and doted on because she is THE GIRL.

    There is nothing wrong with this old-fashioned approach, as long as it works for BOTH parties.
    I'm pretty old fashioned in that sense, I like taking care of her, it's just hard to keep up sometimes.
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wowwwweeee
    You BOTH need to communicate to each other better. And you both need to start planning your nights out together. If you can't BOTH come to a decision on how to state your feelings AND decide what to do for a night out as an agreed couple, you will always have this problem.
    I talked to her about this (again) so, I'll just have to wait and see how it turns out. Actually, she said that she wants to go to dinner on Thursday, so I guess this is her telling me what she wants, that's good.
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wowwwweeee
    Also, you seem envious of the fact that she has money to spend, and a little angry that she doesn't choose to spend any on you. It's difficult to sometimes put that into perspective when two people are dating. Although it's a pleasure to spend money on your significant other, it's a priviledge, not a requirement. If you choose to spend your money on your girlfriend, or if you choose to pay every time you both go out - that is your CHOICE and you should not expect it to be reciprocated.
    I don't think it's that I want her to spend money on me, but I want her to be more responsible with it, like saving some. She really doesn't have that much money to spend on stuff like this
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wowwwweeee
    If your girlfriend does not choose to spend her money on you, that is her choice. However, one would assume that your girlfriend would want to contribute or offer. Why she doesn't spend money on you could be because she simply hasn't thought of it, or she is used to you paying all the time, or that what money she does have she wants to buy herself things. It also could be the way she was raised (old fashioned - man pays). Again, if you don't bring up your concerns to her, you will always feel like this. There is nothing wrong with asking her about this.
    I just don't want to always be expected to take care of everything (planning, paying) all the time while I'm in this situation (unemployed student). When I have a regular job all I want to do is take care of everything, so it is frustrating that I can't now.
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wowwwweeee
    As for your girlfriend spending her money on extravagances (in your opinion), it's her money, and you have no say in how or what she chooses to spend, and no say in whether or not she's saving any of it. Dating does have fine lines, and that is one of them. Of course you can always suggest that she open a savings account, but if you do, it should be for HER best interest and not yours.
    I really do want her to save.
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Wowwwweeee
    You really need to have an open discussion with your girlfriend on the making plans issue. A person can't make the decision to change if they think everything is fine - meaning, unless you make your girlfriend aware of your concerns, she may not know how much they bother you.
    Thanks for all of your help, I really do appreciate it.

    Last edited by Fury23; 11-02-2004 at 09:09 PM.

     
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    Old 11-03-2004, 05:38 AM   #32
    eightball61
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    Re: Can you please help with difficult girlfriend?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Fury23

    I'm pretty old fashioned in that sense, I like taking care of her, it's just hard to keep up sometimes.
    I know you may be old fashion but you have to come to today reality. If you both marry then you both will have share expenses. I know you want to take care of her but she has her own job and making her own money and thats the same you are doing. Old fashion would consist of wife not woring and her tending to the children and the house. She is modern and works and you should start having her share some responsibilities.

     
    Old 11-03-2004, 06:37 PM   #33
    Fury23
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    Re: Can you please help with difficult girlfriend?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eightball61
    She is modern and works and you should start having her share some responsibilities.
    I know you are right, and I should talk to her. Actually I tell her everything, but this is just hard for me to talk to her about. I don't think I've ever had a problem talking to her about anything else. I think I have to wait for it to come up again, but that probably won't happen for a few weeks. Thanks again.

     
    Old 11-03-2004, 07:30 PM   #34
    PAmermaids
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    Re: Can you please help with difficult girlfriend?

    so you like to do anything she wants to make her happy, you enjoy it? lucky girl! maybe when you take her for dinner, she could chip in, or would she get offended? oh and btw do ya have a brother?? hee hee, just kidding. i don't have much good advice i just know if i was in her situation i would be feeling a little guilty, but then again i have never been taken care of like that so i can't say i know how i would feel, i am just a "even, fair" person, actually i think it has something to do with my OCD, everything has to be fair, i even must chew my food evenly on both sides of my mouth i'm just nutso, hey good luck in resolving this man....

     
    Old 11-04-2004, 06:08 AM   #35
    eightball61
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    Re: Can you please help with difficult girlfriend?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Fury23
    I know you are right, and I should talk to her. Actually I tell her everything, but this is just hard for me to talk to her about. I don't think I've ever had a problem talking to her about anything else. I think I have to wait for it to come up again, but that probably won't happen for a few weeks. Thanks again.


    Its so hard to talk about change because people dont adjust well to it but she will eventually get used of it. You dont have to drop the ball on her but tell her that you would like her to start chipping in with the rent and stuff because its making it harder for you. A CD doesn't cover the cost of rent. If she is going to live there then you need more.

     
    Old 11-04-2004, 09:19 AM   #36
    Fury23
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    Re: Can you please help with difficult girlfriend?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by PAmermaids
    oh and btw do ya have a brother?? hee hee, just kidding.
    Actually, that's funny because everyone says I am so much different from my brother, he's a little more self - centered.

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eightball61
    Its so hard to talk about change because people dont adjust well to it but she will eventually get used of it. You dont have to drop the ball on her but tell her that you would like her to start chipping in with the rent and stuff because its making it harder for you. A CD doesn't cover the cost of rent. If she is going to live there then you need more.
    Actually she doesn't live with me. I really don't want her to pay for anything. It's more that I don't want to have to take care of everything all the time. Mostly its that I always have to plan everything and I'm really busy. In terms of money, I just don't want her to spend so recklessly, but I guess its not my place to say.

     
    Old 11-04-2004, 09:23 AM   #37
    eightball61
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    Re: Can you please help with difficult girlfriend?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Fury23


    Actually she doesn't live with me. I really don't want her to pay for anything. It's more that I don't want to have to take care of everything all the time. Mostly its that I always have to plan everything and I'm really busy. In terms of money, I just don't want her to spend so recklessly, but I guess its not my place to say.

    So then most of the money is spent when you go out? Well it is her money then and as I said in other post as long as she can take care of her own then let her spend but it will change once you do live together. As for as spending for her just let her know that you on to ease up a bit because you want to get back on track. She should understand.

     
    Old 11-04-2004, 09:37 AM   #38
    Trivial Rush
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    Re: Can you please help with difficult girlfriend?

    Hello,This is my first time writing to someone on this site. First of all does your girlfriend have any psychological problems, because if she does that can explain everything. If not have you told her how you truly feel or are you worried she might leave you. If thats the case you should tell her instead of wasting each others time by playing games. Iam going through a slightly similar situation. Except Iam the girl and iam the one who makes all the plans and then i feel like he doesn't enjoy doing anything with me. How old is she? Also she might like the extra attention, and she might feel like you enjoy the chase and you might leave her if she stops and starts acting mature.

     
    Old 11-04-2004, 09:39 AM   #39
    Trivial Rush
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    Cool Re: Can you please help with difficult girlfriend?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Trivial Rush
    Hello,This is my first time writing to someone on this site. First of all does your girlfriend have any psychological problems, because if she does that can explain everything. If not have you told her how you truly feel or are you worried she might leave you. If thats the case you should tell her instead of wasting each others time by playing games. Iam going through a slightly similar situation. Except Iam the girl and iam the one who makes all the plans and then i feel like he doesn't enjoy doing anything with me. How old is she? Also she might like the extra attention, and she might feel like you enjoy the chase and you might leave her if she stops and starts acting mature.

     
    Old 11-04-2004, 09:44 AM   #40
    eightball61
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    Re: Can you please help with difficult girlfriend?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Trivial Rush
    Hello,This is my first time writing to someone on this site. First of all does your girlfriend have any psychological problems, because if she does that can explain everything. If not have you told her how you truly feel or are you worried she might leave you. If thats the case you should tell her instead of wasting each others time by playing games. Iam going through a slightly similar situation. Except Iam the girl and iam the one who makes all the plans and then i feel like he doesn't enjoy doing anything with me. How old is she? Also she might like the extra attention, and she might feel like you enjoy the chase and you might leave her if she stops and starts acting mature.


    Welcome to the boards Trivial Rush

     
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