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  • Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

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    Old 10-19-2004, 10:36 AM   #1
    jwl1973
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    Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    Hi,

    About two months ago I met an incredible woman and we started dating. I am 30 and she's 31. Things have gone very well but also very fast and we've already been intimate. People around us are absolutley amazed when they find out we've been dating for less than two months because of how well we are with eachother. She lives about an hour from me so we're not around eachother in excess (usually three days a week). The topic of things of how quickly things have gone has come up a few times, nothing alarming, but we're both quite concsious of the fact. Recently we attended a wedding of a friend of hers and several days later she told me that since the wedding she has felt differently about us and that she didn't know if it was because of recent stress (she's been doing quite a bit a work and looking to purchase her first home) or what the case was. She said she think she needs some time to sort out her feelings and that she didn't really have anything further to say. I've dated before, but I've never had this kind of connection with someone so quickly. Everything in my eyes was great with no signs of anything going awry. I'm a bit confused that this came out of the blue like this and I really don't know how I should take it or what I should do...?


    P.S. She just called , after about four days, "just to say hi" after writing this. It was a short call and I told her whenever she felt like talking to call me, hope I made the right move.

    Last edited by jwl1973; 10-19-2004 at 11:47 AM.

     
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    Old 10-19-2004, 10:49 AM   #2
    goody2shuz
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    Hi...welcome to the boards

    I can relate alittle bit to what is going on...my hubby & I met in our late 20's and like you we had a strong immediate connection. things moved quickly...it just seemed to be that we knew what we wanted & what we were looking for.

    I recall one of my friends was getting married within a few weeks of our meeting. I didn't even ask him...weddings at the time to me meant that you were serious...and I was scared to even ask him to come with me despite how close we were. Perhaps that is similar to what your girlfrend is experiencing...she probably got a little scared off and will most likely come around with a little time. Give her the time and space she needs...it sounds like you guys are in a great relationship that with a little bit of time and reassurance she will be back and not as scared. Hope it all works out for you....Goody

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 10:49 AM   #3
    eightball61
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    I know its hard to deal with this since its the first girl you have felt deeply for. She needs space though. At the wedding she may have got a glipse of her life in that wedding dress and saw her future. It may have spooked her out some and she realizes she isn't ready for the commitment yet.

    I know you want to stay with this girl but she is afraid of something and I am guessing its commitment. Keep to her side though and dont push her. You have to go at her pace or you just may lose her. She may end up coming back but with buying a new house and seeing her future she may have realize that she is growing up and she may be afraid to. Just be patient and supportive to her and hopefully it works out in the end.


    Take care

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 10:54 AM   #4
    jwl1973
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    I recall one of my friends was getting married within a few weeks of our meeting. I didn't even ask him...weddings at the time to me meant that you were serious...and I was scared to even ask him to come with me despite how close we were.
    Thanks for the reply! It's scary because what you wrote seems to be exactly what has happened so far! She revealed to me that she had a REALLY hard time asking me to go to this wedding for some reason, which I didn't understand why...

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 11:03 AM   #5
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    Hi there and welcome to the boards!
    Yes - Don't push. She's probably just a little freaked right now. Just be supportive and let her know you will be there when ever she needs anything. And let her know that even if she has questions about whatever,,,it doesn't have to be issues about your relationship. Maybe she will have questions about buying the house.
    Hang in there and go at her pace.

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 11:35 AM   #6
    jwl1973
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    Thanks so far! I appreciate all the opinions I can get on this situation...

    Last edited by jwl1973; 10-19-2004 at 11:40 AM.

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 11:45 AM   #7
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by jwl1973
    Thanks for the reply! It's scary because what you wrote seems to be exactly what has happened so far! She revealed to me that she had a REALLY hard time asking me to go to this wedding for some reason, which I didn't understand why...
    Yes...as a woman I kind of took a guess as to where she may be coming from. And if she was nervous in the first place, it's normal. Even though she's pulling back..it doesn't necessarily mean she's backing away from the relationship entirely. As you said...things moved fast and she's just taking it back a notch. Be supportive and do not pressure her but reassure her that you understand. Buying a house is a big step and can be quite stressful. Something had to give and moving back a step is giving her a little more security in life. It won't last forever and before you know it your relationship will catch up to what it was before and move at a steady rate. I am glad to help...Goody

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 12:03 PM   #8
    eightball61
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Something had to give and moving back a step is giving her a little more security in life. :
    I agree with this 100%. She did take the step back because thing may having been moving to fats for her and she needs to have that security to make sure things are right. Good intake Goody

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 12:08 PM   #9
    Gundam
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    I just had a very simialr experince ... & it only happened last nite ... so my heart still hurts very much, but maybe posting here will help a bit.

    My GF & I have been together for about 1/2 a year now. Since the 1st day, we almost met everyday (she only lives a few blocks away from me). The beautiful thing's that even seeing each other everyday, we still couldn't get enough of each other. We would miss each other so much ... & sending love text messages, we would go to trips, & we were very intimate.

    I'm 31, & she's only 23. Of course for my age, the word "wedding" would come up automatically once I meet my dream woman (... & believe me she's gorgious). But suddenly she acted all differently & said that she wanted space & time to sort out her own stuff. I was OK with that, as long as she still loves me. Then last nite we were talking on the phone, & I was really upset because she wouldn't even call me (not until I made the call 1st) ... I asked her "answer me honestly, do you still love me" ... she paused & said "I did ... but now I need more time & space" .... Then she changed & said "I love you, but I needed more time" ... I thought hearing her voice @ least on the phone would make me feel better, but actually I felt a lot worse. It's like rubbing salt on a wound.

    I'm completely confused now ... she said nobody did anything wrong, but things happened way too fast. This is something that we were both aware of, but I only thought that things went fast in the good way, but no .... she suddenly feels now that she doesn't need me as much as she did .... or as much as I need her.

    I really don't know what to do. Space I can allow her; time I can give her. But giving her all these while knowing that she doesn't love me as much ... is devastating ... & it's about TRUST too ... what if she comes back to me all fine again, then suddenly 5 months later she feels she doesn't need me again ?

    I have always thought that I could make her happy by being with her, doing things for her. Sometimes I even made her lunch boxes, she used to love it. But now, as a man, I'm not anymore confident that I can make her happy.

    Heart broken, still hurts badly ... but there's nothing I can do on my side, alone.

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 12:15 PM   #10
    eightball61
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Gundam
    she said nobody did anything wrong, but things happened way too fast. This is something that we were both aware of, but I only thought that things went fast in the good way, but no .... she suddenly feels now that she doesn't need me as much as she did .... or as much as I need her.

    .


    I am sorry to hear about what happened. You can use this thread to help get some answers or even ways to approach thing. You know to take it one step at a time and see what she wants to do. IF you feel its not going anywhere and distance is hapening more then just try to seek something else new.

    If she came back to you in 5 months there is no way in telling if you may be single or not. Its not like you are married and this is just a split. It is a split but its a split to put things on hold and poosibly date. See what she wants? Does she want to date other people or just take a step back?

    You have to know the terms. Things will eventually work out to the conclusion on where the relationship will go but you both have to work together and not against.

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 12:17 PM   #11
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    Gundam...I feel as I advised the previous poster, that she is asking for a step backwards...to slow down the pace a little. The best thing you can do is give it to her. It seems like the two of you have something special and there is nothing wrong if one asks to slow things down if things are leading to an insecurity or fear on one's part. Be supportive...the only thing in your case that I see that may be differnt thatn the previous poster's position is that she is younger and some people at that age don't want to be exclusive. You might want to talk to her about this after a little more time passes or if you want to clarify her needs a bit more. In any case, a little time & space is sometimes necessary in order forone or both parties to gain better perspective on the realtionship as a whole. Good luck...Goody

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 12:33 PM   #12
    Gundam
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    Thx so much for the replies.

    I don't think she wanna date somebody else, but her best friend is a guy, also lives very close to her.

    She has dated many other guys before, but told me that I was the 1st one she actually loved. Of course I was flattered, & I felt I was loved deeply by her ... so last nite when she told me she didn't need me as much; I was completely devastated. Now I'm like a computer, & my power just got cut .... it's so sudden .... it's so scary .... it's so dark .out there ....

    Well, I'm now trying to occupy my time fully, but what made things worse is that now I'm getting less busy in the office (in fact I'm in the office now, supposed to be working ...), so I have all these spare time to think about her, or to think about us. I have experienced a few heart breaks before, but this time, by far, is the most painful one, to date.

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 12:38 PM   #13
    eightball61
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Gundam

    Well, I'm now trying to occupy my time fully, but what made things worse is that now I'm getting less busy in the office (in fact I'm in the office now, supposed to be working ...), so I have all these spare time to think about her, or to think about us. I have experienced a few heart breaks before, but this time, by far, is the most painful one, to date.



    I a sure it is painful for you. You have been through these before and I am sure you know how to handle your time. You do seem like a great guy and she would be a fool not to go back to you. These breaks sometimes are not for the bad. Its just to take a step back and allows the person to refocus on things. I have seen these break be the best thing that people could ever ask for but its still to soon to determine any outcome and I do wish you luck and please keep us posted on the progress.

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 12:50 PM   #14
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    My apologies if anyone has asked this, but did this girl recently get out of a relationship??
    Just wondering if she's not healed up emotionally yet...

     
    Old 10-19-2004, 12:51 PM   #15
    eightball61
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    Re: Says she needs time to sort her feelings?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
    My apologies if anyone has asked this, but did this girl recently get out of a relationship??
    Just wondering if she's not healed up emotionally yet...

    I ahve not seen that question as of yet unless I missed it but that is a good question to know.

     
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