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  • Why is it so easy for some?

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    Old 10-22-2004, 08:23 AM   #1
    elatedgiraffe
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    Why is it so easy for some?

    Sometimes I just don't understand why some of us including myself have to have heartache after heartache? To learn lessons? To appreciate the one when we find him?

    I think I've learned enough lessons and I know I would appreciate Mr. right....for some reason or somewhere along the way did I get off track?

    Why did my brother meet his wife at 14 and marry her and is happy? Why did he not need heartache after heartache? Why did he fall in love and it WORK with his first love?

    Today is a really awful day for me...I think I wasted my time with my boyfriend...

    I feel really alone and really sad. I've been so depressed lately. I didn't realize how bad I was feeling until the past couple of days. Its hard to even keep the tears back. I want to leave work and go home and hide under the covers. My apt. is a mess, I don't have any close friends here and I just feel alone, like I'm drowning...

     
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    Old 10-22-2004, 08:40 AM   #2
    eightball61
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    What has happened with you and your boyfriend?

    Life in general can't be explained. Everything does happen for a reason to my belief. In reality you never know when you will meet that perfect person until one day it hits you. Your brother found his love young but for some reson these to were meant for each other.

    In your case though it differs from you brother. Your time has not came yet. Some believe in this theory and some dont. I do believe there will be a time for you but its just not yet. If you look deep then you will beable to see the reason why. You both did go out and look at engament rings wich was a start to thing to evlove but a few things are holding it back for further progress like the distance thing and what ever happening now. Can you please share with us.


    P.S. You do have friends here

    Last edited by eightball61; 10-22-2004 at 08:45 AM.

     
    Old 10-22-2004, 08:40 AM   #3
    Wowwwweeee
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    Cool Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    Hi Elated,

    Stay in work today and when you get home, if you still feel like sobbing, go ahead.

    You have friends here, but I can understand that it's not the same thing as having someone close by that can hold your hand and tell you it's going to be okay. But you will be okay.

    If we knew the answer to your question - NO-ONE would ever have heartache again. And sometimes it's hard to know when to revisit a relationship to make things better, or to just end it.

    Take a few moments this afternoon and bring us up to speed. Why is today so hard for you?

     
    Old 10-22-2004, 08:47 AM   #4
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    Elated...Goody just wanted you to know that even though it's a busy day for me I wanted to just let you know I care. You've been of great support to many on this board and today happens to be a day that some like me can reciprocate. You do have friends here to help you through...so don't feel so alone. Wowwwweeee is right...stay at work around other people...keeping busy helps more than you may think. Try to do something special ffor yourself today...buy some flowers on the way home from work & pick yourself up a special dinner or DVD to watch (nothing sad now) Have you seen Envy...it was a great movie that I think you'll enjoy and that'll make you smile

    I will check in once in a while...hang in there...tomorrow is another day....Goody

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 10-22-2004 at 08:48 AM.

     
    Old 10-22-2004, 08:56 AM   #5
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    I think some people just don't learn the first few times around. It's like promisez said in one of his posts: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome". (How true is this?)
    If people continue to make choices that are either the same or similar (like choosing the same type of guy or girl) they usually get the same result as before - Heartbroken.
    Sometimes we just need to make smarter choices, break the chain and stop the craziness.

     
    Old 10-22-2004, 08:59 AM   #6
    hrt1
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    I wish I had an answer too. For me it seems like I learn all of lifeís lessons the hard way, but I donít necessarily consider that a bad thing because I remember them that way.

    Iím also dealing with a tough situation right now (as some of you know from my posts ). Iíve been in lots of bad relationships and I also wonder why I canít find that right person. Iím a good guy and I know I deserve to be happy with someone, but it never seems to work out that way. It does get discouraging at times but I have to keep telling myself that whatever doesnít kill me will make me stronger and even though its hard, I do learn a lot about myself and others from every relationship I've been in.

     
    Old 10-22-2004, 09:04 AM   #7
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    I know what you mean how some people make it look so easy. I have been there, many times.

    It seems like rejection and heartache was the theme of my life until I met my current bf. When I met him he knew right away I had been through a lot because I was very cautious towards him, not wanting to say the wrong thing and trying so hard to be a good person that someone would appreciate. It even got to a point where I would do things just to make myself more attractive and feel accepted. I felt unappreciated and that no one cared or accepted me, and I in turn, doubted who I was and had a tough time accepting myself, which was tough to deal with.

    Good things do come to those who wait though. I am 26, been told many times that I am attractive, yet I was so let down and upset over getting rejected so much that I was convinced there was something wrong with me and that I would always be alone.

    I found someone on accident, when I wasn't planning to be where he was, and it was probably the best accident that ever happened to me. I appreciate him so much, that yes, let downs do make you appreciate something good when it comes along.

    Try to think positive. Think positive thoughts and let things happen on their own. We're all here for you if you need to talk and vent.
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    Old 10-22-2004, 09:06 AM   #8
    eightball61
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by susieq0726
    I think some people just don't learn the first few times around. It's like promisez said in one of his posts: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome". (How true is this?)
    If people continue to make choices that are either the same or similar (like choosing the same type of guy or girl) they usually get the same result as before - Heartbroken.
    Sometimes we just need to make smarter choices, break the chain and stop the craziness.

    This is a really great post susieq....I now this hit a little comfort spot in me and I hope it has done the same for ex.

     
    Old 10-22-2004, 09:10 AM   #9
    kewlgirl
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by susieq0726
    I think some people just don't learn the first few times around. It's like promisez said in one of his posts: "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome". (How true is this?)
    If people continue to make choices that are either the same or similar (like choosing the same type of guy or girl) they usually get the same result as before - Heartbroken.
    Sometimes we just need to make smarter choices, break the chain and stop the craziness.
    I understand where you are coming from....but rejection and bad choices are two separate things.

    From my perspective, the times that I've been hurt or rejected weren't because of bad choices.......there was nothing really to "learn over". In many cases I couldn't have done things any better than I did, and that the problem wasn't me, even though I was made to feel like it was.

    I have dated many types of guys from many walks of life and none of them would be considered a particular type. Sometimes it's not possible to control if or when someone else will accept you for who you are.
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    Old 10-22-2004, 09:38 AM   #10
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    Hi EG - I'm so sorry to hear you're having a tough time. I know you know I can relate to what you're going through. I wish I had an answer for you. You know, I don't really think it's always a function of having all the answers and having all your lessons learned. Not everyone who is happily married has learned everything there is to learn about love and relationships. They are allowed to learn and grow within the context of their relationship. I think part of it is being at the right place at the right time, part of it is being emotionally ready, and a lot of it is just luck. I mean, how many people do you know are emotionally ready for their "sould mate" at 14? Bt yor brother got to meet his that young. Donny Osmond met his wife Debbie when he was 17, and he wasn't even allowed to date until he was 16, so how many dates, relationships could he have had, how many of life's lessons could he have learned by 17? And 26 years and 5 sons later, they're still very happy together. I think a lot of it is just being one of the lucky, blessed ones who gets to find love.

    Don't beat yourself up too much over what you're not doing right or worrying about what lessons you havent' learned yet. Just do your best to be the best EG you can be, and keep your chin up. Your day will come.

     
    Old 10-22-2004, 09:41 AM   #11
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by eightball61
    This is a really great post susieq....I now this hit a little comfort spot in me and I hope it has done the same for ex.

    Thanks Jeff!
    I speak from experience on this. I sat down one day and came to the conclusion I needed to change my thinking patterns and choices. It did wonders for me and now I am much happier! And btw, the man I married is nothing like the type of man I usually dated. I definately made the better choice!

     
    Old 10-22-2004, 09:53 AM   #12
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    What a relief to have ears to listen.....thank you all..

    Staying at work is rough, I manager a specialty children's store...I'm the only one here So in between wandering customers I have been fighting back the tears.

    My boyfriend and I discussed in July at the beach that I wanted to know where the relationship was headed...he informed me that he needs a couple months to get situated in his new job. He was moving home to his parents because it was only 30 min. from where he got his teaching job and he needed to save up some money for us. Yes, we have looked at rings, hes asked me about what house I'd like to love in, etc...so definately we have discussed marriage. So I respected the time he needed to get settled as long as he respected my wishes in that time. He even told me that we'd be getting engaged in a couple months..bascially before or near Christmas..I was so excited. I tolf my friends and family and everything seemed great.

    Now, I asked him how things were going and hes informed me that hes not making as much as he thought he would, its been harder for him to save money than he thought and he just can't do it right now. "yes, we'll get married eventually, but I don't know when" He says he can't finacially do it right now...

    He brings home $800 more a month than me...I'm living on my own and supoprting myself...his parents don't even make him pay rent. To see if this is some excuse or not I mentioned "you know you can finance a ring"...he replied "yes, but I'm not going to take on anymore payments right now..with student loans and my car payment"...

    I think when it comes to love...when theres a will there is a way. If he really wanted to get engaged then we would be, regardless of money...I think hes really just throwing out excuses now...am I wrong?

     
    Old 10-22-2004, 10:02 AM   #13
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    You know I really think that this is one of those stories...I've dated him 2 1/2 years, I'll finally break it off only for him ot fall in love with some girl and marry her in 3 months...because she will be the one for him and suddenly it wouldn't be about finances...

     
    Old 10-22-2004, 10:03 AM   #14
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    How old are the two of you?

     
    Old 10-22-2004, 10:04 AM   #15
    eightball61
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    Re: Why is it so easy for some?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe
    am I wrong?

    I know you want to get married with him and proceed with him. Before you have said if he can't make a deadline then you will move on because you dont want to wait forever. It has been proven that women want to settle sooner than a guy would.

    I know it hurts that the relationship is not going the way you want it to but in reality you dont want to rush things. If you rush something to happen then things may ail because it didn't happen at the right time. Things do happen for a reason and he isn't ready to settle yet.

    I am not on anyones side here and please dont get made at me or my response. Its just that we all move at different paces because we have different up bringings and outlook on where to take things. He has moved forth and look at rings with you but he is not really ready.

    I am sure you can just settle for a ring so you have his security and and he could take an easy route out by bying at an department store rather than a good jewlery store. Its about the security right now and thats what I feel you need because you been together for a while and havn;t seen much move on because this relationship is long distance.

    OVerall, I suggest in trusting his word. He has kept with you for a reason. You both went through that little spell a few months back and got back together after that. The relationship is strong here. He does put himself first and he needs to learn to compromise that but things can get worked out.

    This all has to deal with the issue of trust again and you need to trust him and his word. From what you told us he seems to be a great guy and I hate for this to go down the cracks. You both have what it takes...it time to work together on it though as a team.

     
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