HealthBoards

HealthBoards (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/)
-   Relationship Health (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/)
-   -   Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms? (https://www.healthboards.com/boards/relationship-health/224515-living-boyfriend-but-separate-rooms.html)

healthseeker 11-15-2004 04:04 PM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
[QUOTE=Typical Girlie]I think every woman on this board would agree that to live with someone you love and not sleep with them everynight would be classed as an insult. Works two ways.[/QUOTE]

Not neccessarily, my DH snores LOUD and on occasion he gets "sent" to sleep in another bedroom. :D I also suffer from fibromyalgia and we he sees that I have not slept well for a few days, he will go to another room so that I really crash. So, I understand the insomnia thing! I know, Typical Girlie, that's different right? However, I don't want to end up with separate rooms ever! I think it is unatural for a couple to do that. My sister and her husband sleep in different rooms. I almost get the feeling that they are just "friends" more than lovers anymore - everything they do is centered around thier daughter. They used to say that they just got kinda crowded in a queen size bed and needed a king - they now have a king and the arrangements are still the same. Who knows!

I agree that you will probably get used to each other's sleeping pattern more than you realize - but get a 2 bedroom apt. just in case you need "one of those nights".

Flower_03 11-15-2004 05:49 PM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
[QUOTE=healthseeker]Not neccessarily, my DH snores LOUD and on occasion he gets "sent" to sleep in another bedroom. :D I also suffer from fibromyalgia and we he sees that I have not slept well for a few days, he will go to another room so that I really crash. So, I understand the insomnia thing! I know, Typical Girlie, that's different right? However, I don't want to end up with separate rooms ever! I think it is unatural for a couple to do that. My sister and her husband sleep in different rooms. I almost get the feeling that they are just "friends" more than lovers anymore - everything they do is centered around thier daughter. They used to say that they just got kinda crowded in a queen size bed and needed a king - they now have a king and the arrangements are still the same. Who knows!

I agree that you will probably get used to each other's sleeping pattern more than you realize - but get a 2 bedroom apt. just in case you need "one of those nights".[/QUOTE]

Hi everyone, I'm sorta even more confused about what I'm going to do- but I really do appreciate all your advice :) I don't want us sleeping separately forever(like when we're married)- I just want to sleep mainly separate at the moment cos of my stress/sleeping (maybe for 6 months) and also cos I'm too young and don't feel confortable. I guess my attitude of not sleeping together is cos of my family background. My mum is TOTALLY against me sleeping with my boyfriend, and doesn't believe in sex before marriage. She would prefer if he were just a 'mere friend' and she said I can share with him if we have separate rooms.
I don't let my mum run my life, but if we were to get a one bedroom flat- then she would NOT BE HAPPY and it would cause a lot of arguments. Also I agree that a two bedroom flat would give me flexibility in sleeping arrangements. At the moment my b/f seems like he'll go along with the idea, but who knows how long that will last. For him, he doesnt want to sleep with me for sex reasons (cos we're virgins)-- but he just says he wants to be close to me. But after a while of him being in a separate room, he might start geting bothered by it....

In a way he seems more committed than me cos he sometimes says stuff like 'when we get married..''...but for me I don't like thinking that far ahead. I really do care about him- he is my boyfriend and a best friend..but i'm only 20!! He's my first boyfriend, and I'm his first girlfriend.

eightball61 11-16-2004 05:54 AM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
As I said before, talk to him about your feelings. You want to sleep in seperate rooms so you can get adjusted to him being there. You need to tell him everything that you told us. I do hope he will understand. This isn't going to be something forever but dont allow him to sleep with you if you dont feel right about it. You have to think of yourself to. I am sure thier may be nights where you both do fall asleep together but most of the time it will be in a seperate thing. I wouldn't take it to heart....gosh I would be just glad that I am starting a life with the one who I love together.

Ruth6:11 11-16-2004 05:56 AM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
[QUOTE]I don't like thinking that far ahead. I really do care about him- he is my boyfriend and a best friend..but i'm only 20!![/QUOTE]

I guess my question is, If this is true then why would you want to live with him? That's serious stuff. Everything in a marriage except the rings and the legal protection...

twanger 11-16-2004 07:22 AM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
I don't understand why you would put yourself in the position of living with him. You said that you are not ready for a committment of marriage and that you have things that you want to do and that you are still very young to be tied down for the rest of your life. Why PLAY house. You need time by yourself to grow and to get to know who you really are and to complete the things you want to do. This needs to be done without any further stress of living with your bf.

Please think about this. You have a whole life ahead of you and you cannot repeat one single day. If you find out that you made a mistake by him living with you, all that will be there is hurt feelings and more stress and time wasted for you to grow into a woman.

If you make a mistake by not letting him live with you, that is easily remedied and can bring joy. If he goes away because of this, then it was not meant to be. These days are yours and you can not go back when you are 40 years old and now want to grow as you were supposed to at your age.

I don't mean to lecture because in life we all have to choose our own paths. Noone can do this for us. We have to make our mistakes and learn from them and we have to make our good choices and rejoice in them.

Good Luck in your decision.

ladivapr 11-16-2004 10:48 AM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
That's very well said twanger.

Even if they sleep in separate beds, granted she will loose her virginity if they are living under the same roof. I would say to the girl enjoy her young years and do what your hearts tells you, that is to not live with the man until the time is right.

As far as the concern for the insomnia when do get married and sleep in the same bed with a man, wouldnt a king size bed work out? man they are huge beds its almost like sleeping separatetly. There is also double twin beds too. There is options.

Flower_03 11-16-2004 05:11 PM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
[QUOTE=ladivapr]That's very well said twanger.

Even if they sleep in separate beds, granted she will loose her virginity if they are living under the same roof. I would say to the girl enjoy her young years and do what your hearts tells you, that is to not live with the man until the time is right.

As far as the concern for the insomnia when do get married and sleep in the same bed with a man, wouldnt a king size bed work out? man they are huge beds its almost like sleeping separatetly. There is also double twin beds too. There is options.[/QUOTE]

Hi, my boyfreind and I did sleep in a king bed a few times, and even though it was HUGE- I can still hear him moving and snoring.Also he has the tendency to take up the whole bed- he moves close to my side in his sleep even though he has HEAPS OF ROOM.
Anyway I didn't realise that living together was such a big commitment- I was more worried about the sleeping arrangements, but thought actually sharing together wouldn't be a big deal. It would just be like housemates.
Just cos we are sharing doesn't mean marriage is on the cards.. i just thought it would be fun in terms of having company + having him around. I thought if it doesn't work, then he could just move out and share with strangers- hopefully with no hard feelings...

eightball61 11-17-2004 06:14 AM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
[QUOTE=Flower_03]
Anyway I didn't realise that living together was such a big commitment-..[/QUOTE]


I really hate to make this turn around but it seems to me like you are scared of commitment. I know you stated that you dont want to yet but this is a first step to see if you both can stand living together. IF this is such a big hassle for you then just tell him to stay put because you are not ready yet. Its your place and your decision.

hope & faith 07-06-2005 07:47 PM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
Vintage Girl,
I was intrigued by what you wrote regarding couples (married or not) who don't sleep in the same bed yet still live happily together. Can you point me to any links to studies or other such info? I would also like to learn more about those who have separate rooms "for their own space". thanks

EddieDean 07-06-2005 08:30 PM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
Flower, I think you need to do what is right for YOU. We can all sit here and give our own experiences, but only YOU are in your situation and can see all angles that we cannot.

Personally, it sounds to me like you want to move in with your guy but are worried what your mom and society will say. That's part of the drawback of cohabitation. However, there are lots of perks, too, like seeing each other every night and really getting to know each other inside and out. I wasn't ready for such a commitment at 20, but that's not to say that you aren't. You have to do what's right for YOU and really search your soul to see what that is....we can't make this choice for you!

As for the bed and sex issue, it IS possible to LIVE TOGETHER AND NOT HAVE SEX!! I've been with my boyfriend for 5.5 years and I am STILL a virgin!!! Sure, we have "fooled around," but I have never had intercourse. Our sexual relationship is exactly the same as it was before we moved in together 2 years ago because that's what we decided. Everyone assumes that just because we're living together that we're having hot, steamy sex every night. Let them think whatever they want.....I'm not having intercourse until I'm married. I hate how people make assumptions. Even my best friends thought that we would start getting it on as soon as we moved in. Two years later, we're still holding on strong....it's a personal choice and no "rule" is going to change my mind on this!

The bed issue is completely irrelevant, in my eyes. Who cares whether you share a bed or not, or for what reasons?!! Everyone seems to want to label your situation as "roommates vs. lovers." Only YOU know whether you and your guy are roomates or something more, and sharing a bed is simply syntactic. I share a bed with my guy every night, and again: we are virgins! Let people think what they want....do what's right for you and feel comfortable with your choice. Life is too short to let everyone decide your future for you.

Brendology 11-01-2009 06:07 AM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
I dated my boyfriend for over 3 years and we seldom slept together because he snores and we both really prefer our own bed space when it comes to really sleeping. He just moved in a moth ago and he has his own bedroom and I have mine. We love this setup and are comfortable with it because we were use to it and we had a discussion before he moved in and were mutual in the agreement to have our own room and space. There are times when we need are own space and it's nice to have your own room to go to to watch TV or surf the web or whatever, just be alone. Hope this helps.

Sillygrl 11-01-2009 02:30 PM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
My bf and I have been living together for almost 4 years. We only have a full size bed and it has grown increasingly smaller over the years. We are going to invest in a King as soon as possible. Until then there are nights he sleeps in the other room. This has NOTHING to do will loss of intimacy or wanting to be close. It has everything to do with getting a good nights sleep without having to be woken up by his thrashing and restless legs! I think wanting to sleep well because you are a troubled sleeper is not wrong at all! I think that maybe this is a mask to the real issue though. You are really young, are you ready for such a huge commitment? It seems the idea of him moving in with you came about due to convenience, not due to a desire from both parties. I think you and your bf should start out being together in the same town, but living separately. You said that you are long distance and unsure of how it will be to be with him 24/7. Start out enjoying your relationship with no pressure or stress of living together. It will make things a lot easier and if the living together thing sounds good later on, do it.

Kszan 11-01-2009 03:00 PM

Re: Living with boyfriend, but in separate rooms?
 
This post was originallly posted 5 years ago, why was it brought up again? I'm sure the OP has resolved her situation by now!


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 10:38 AM.