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  • Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

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    Old 11-17-2004, 11:40 PM   #1
    sunshineahead
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    Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    And if so, can you tell your story of what changed you or how you changed? I'm asking because of my "For the guys--need your advice" post. I've never dealt with a commitment-phobic guy before......

     
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    Old 11-18-2004, 05:41 AM   #2
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    I guess not!

    Seriously though, being female, most of the committment phobics I knew WERE eventually able to commit on a very limited level to a woman, but it was'nt until they got scared that they were going to be alone the rest of their lives. They were about 40-50 years old by then.

    The majority of them wasted the time of women their own age. Most of them did not have children and ended up with women who led unconventional lives. If they did have kids, it was no problem for them at the age of 40-50. They just had them with a woman in their late twenties or early thirties.

     
    Old 11-25-2004, 08:27 PM   #3
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    I don't know if this exactly qualifies, but I used to sabotage commitment. I had 4 serious boyfriends from 15-21, and I cheated on each one. I loved each guy and they loved me, but I knew deep down that I wasn't ready to settle down. I didn't really feel too bad about the cheating because I felt sure that I wouldn't want to cheat ever again once I met the right guy. Then it happened, and it was right. I really, truly think the thing that cures chronic players/cheaters/commitment phobes is meeting "the one"--all of a sudden they realize that they've found the person they want to be with forever. I don't mean to sound too romantic--some of those people never find their ideal partner and never get "cured," but I've never seen one change in any other way. I do think it's possible for people to live a certain way, then meet someone and completely alter their lifestyle.

     
    Old 11-29-2004, 12:53 PM   #4
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    Thanks to both of you. Snails, I really agree if that person is the "one" the commitment-phobe might change. However, I do not think I will be sticking around to find out!

     
    Old 11-29-2004, 01:23 PM   #5
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sunshineahead
    However, I do not think I will be sticking around to find out!
    I dont blame you because you can only allow so much time before you say enough is enough. You are going to wait 10 years for the decision if you want to be married...

     
    Old 11-29-2004, 04:04 PM   #6
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    Yeah, 10 years is a long time! I know I will be taken and probably married before this commitment-phobe gets his act together!

     
    Old 11-29-2004, 04:34 PM   #7
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    commitment phobics change mind when they age 37 and up. Then they want a younger gal which is then hard to find because the good ones are already married. I got soooo many responses through online dating of men around 40 that were not married yet. It's sick. I did not accepted a date with any of them. I like guys who are not afraid of commitment from the start.

     
    Old 11-29-2004, 04:47 PM   #8
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    Yes, it is sick. Hey, this guy is in his late 30's so I think many of them don't figure it out until they're in their 40's or 50's and their life is half over!!!

     
    Old 11-29-2004, 04:52 PM   #9
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    ladivapr--You are so right. I work with a guy who just turned 37... He spent his twenties starting fires everywhere.... breaking hearts .... young, older, married, engaged.... it did'nt matter to him. The world of women was his candy store. I suppose addicted to the rush of "falling" for someone new but not living in the reality that the rest of us do. Most recently he announced that he REALLY wants to settle down. As if the world should suddenly stop and take him seriously now that HE'S freaking out. Ugh.

     
    Old 11-29-2004, 05:43 PM   #10
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by vintagegirl
    ladivapr--You are so right. I work with a guy who just turned 37... He spent his twenties starting fires everywhere.... breaking hearts .... young, older, married, engaged.... it did'nt matter to him. The world of women was his candy store. I suppose addicted to the rush of "falling" for someone new but not living in the reality that the rest of us do. Most recently he announced that he REALLY wants to settle down. As if the world should suddenly stop and take him seriously now that HE'S freaking out. Ugh.
    The total b**ch of it is though, that he'll probably find someone and be married within a year or two and half the women whose hearts he broke will still be alone! Men don't know how easy they have it. Or maybe they do!? That's why they can afford to be so commitment-phobic. They know the minute they're ready, boom, it'll be right in front of their face. Same thing with divorce. Statistically speaking, men re-marry far sooner and in much higher percentages than divorced women.

     
    Old 11-29-2004, 05:59 PM   #11
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    Great....this is depressing me!!!! lol But it's so true. Finding a woman who will commit is so much easier than finding a man to commit and we are the ones who need it more if we're ever going to have children!

     
    Old 11-29-2004, 06:11 PM   #12
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    nini but i think less divorced women remarry because they usually don't want to marry again. They usually have kids when they divorce and then they want to live for their kids only. Men since they usually don't carry the kids with them it's easier for them to remarry. I know my cousin wife is divorced and she did not wanted to get married again. She did because she had been living together my cousin long enough, but really she did not cared to be married again.

     
    Old 11-29-2004, 07:12 PM   #13
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    I think there are different types of committment phobics- there are those that just wanna have as much as fun as possible so they maximize the time they have to party before they absolutely feel the need to get married- I suppose what society deems exceptable as to when a guy should be married by - I know this one because I use to know a guy like this- and ofcourse there are those who feel they never need to get married. There are also com.phobics who are that way becuase they havent yet found "the one" who is able to tame then and show them the way. Then there are those that are commitment phobics because they are scared to get hurt so they avoid relationships like the plaque. and ofcourse there are committment phobics that are a real case because they are a combo of any of the above.

     
    Old 11-30-2004, 05:37 AM   #14
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    Soulster had a good point..."combos" are the worst.

    On the bright side, though...no matter which sex gets remarried or married faster, I think the most important thing not discussed here is individual happiness. There are an awful lot of married people who are really unhappy. Just having the experience of being married is'nt the end-all to unhappiness.

    I am probably the worst one to talk--being female no less--about com phobics. I've always had bfs, but because of what I saw my dad do to my mom as a child, I have no desire for marriage. I'm not as bad as Carrie on Sex and the City who broke out in a panic rash while trying on wedding dresses, but I have returned a ring. There are times when I am happy alone, sad alone, happy with someone, sad with someone. It has had nothing to do with marriage or being single. But if this poster really wants that, she will need to shake up that 10 year relationship or leave now... he is most likely set in this pattern because it has been allowed to continue this long. He may also try to buy himself some time with promises to keep her around.

    Whatever you do, determine if he is sincere. If not, make a clean break. A slow death will only be harder on you. And most importantly, don't second guess your gut instinct about someone. It is ALWAYS right......

     
    Old 11-30-2004, 05:58 AM   #15
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    Re: Are there any reformed commitment-phobics out there?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by sunshineahead
    Yeah, 10 years is a long time! I know I will be taken and probably married before this commitment-phobe gets his act together!

    Some people just prefer the Common Law marriage thing but that is agreement between both. After many years of a relationship and has been talked about and mentioned then marriage should be in the works and not put off. I dont believe being with someone that long and no marriage happening unless and agreement was made. A relationship is a building process to marriage and only a couple should marry when ready but only the couple knows when its best.

     
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