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eightball61 12-03-2004 03:08 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
I will tell you right now from experience in the DJ/bartender field you may want to get to know them a tad better. I don't want to burse your bubble but you have insecurity issues allready and people in these fields get hit on all the time. I know being a DJ myself. That is why I dont DJ clubs anymore because of that. Many DJ's love it because thier numbers go up. I hate for you to go around to that. You are a smart girl and I just don't want to see you get hurt worse.

elatedgiraffe 12-03-2004 03:19 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
[QUOTE=eightball61]I will tell you right now from experience in the DJ/bartender field you may want to get to know them a tad better. I don't want to burse your bubble but you have insecurity issues allready and people in these fields get hit on all the time. I know being a DJ myself. That is why I dont DJ clubs anymore because of that. Many DJ's love it because thier numbers go up. I hate for you to go around to that. You are a smart girl and I just don't want to see you get hurt worse.[/QUOTE]

Thats why I said they are "fun guys". I know very well that I don't want a relationship with them and wouldn't bring them home to meet my mom :eek: I won't have insecurity issues with someone that I'm not "with". Its just fun to go out with them, party, and have a good time. They know where I stand and I'm perfectly okay not being the only girl in their life, because they aren't the only man. I'm just enjoying being single, not looking for Mr. Right because honestly even if I met him I have nothing to give at the moment. These guys are awesome to have a good time with and get my mind off my ex and certainly won't hurt me because I have no emotional ties to them. One is just becoming a good friend, he just got dumped the same way I did so we have a little emotional support for one another. I'm all about going out meeting new people, flirting and saying the hell with my ex.

eightball61 12-03-2004 03:23 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
[QUOTE=elatedgiraffe] These guys are awesome to have a good time with and get my mind off my ex and certainly won't hurt me because I have no emotional ties to them. One is just becoming a good friend, he just got dumped the same way I did so we have a little emotional support for one another. I'm all about going out meeting new people, flirting and saying the hell with my ex.[/QUOTE]


Thats great then that you have that type of bond. I am sorry if I missed the part about them being going out buddies. I just saw your first line and I had the ambition to write. Its really nice though you found a few people exspcially one that you can relate with. There are people on here you can relate with but its totally different when you have that person by your side. I am sorry for making that assumption but I just wanted to give you a few warning signs because I am looking out for ya :p sorry.

elatedgiraffe 12-03-2004 03:27 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
[QUOTE=eightball61]Thats great then that you have that type of bond. I am sorry if I missed the part about them being going out buddies. I just saw your first line and I had the ambition to write. Its really nice though you found a few people exspcially one that you can relate with. There are people on here you can relate with but its totally different when you have that person by your side. I am sorry for making that assumption but I just wanted to give you a few warning signs because I am looking out for ya :p sorry.[/QUOTE]

Oh, its okay..Big brother <hug>
I mean there is attraction going on, but I'm just having a good time. I know how these boys can be, I guess they are "bad boys" but I enjoy their company for the moment and I'm not investing anything into them. Just fun to flirt with, and have fun with. Its nice to be so in control and do for me for once!! I'm not looking to settle down and if I was I wouldn't be hanging with them...you know what I mean?

eightball61 12-03-2004 03:29 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
[QUOTE=elatedgiraffe]Oh, its okay..Big brother <hug>
I mean there is attraction going on, but I'm just having a good time. I know how these boys can be, I guess they are "bad boys" but I enjoy their company for the moment and I'm not investing anything into them. Just fun to flirt with, and have fun with. Its nice to be so in control and do for me for once!! I'm not looking to settle down and if I was I wouldn't be hanging with them...you know what I mean?[/QUOTE]


I know what you mean Big Sis :D If your enjoying your time then thats all it counts.... so you have a blast :bouncing:

elatedgiraffe 12-03-2004 03:36 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
[QUOTE=eightball61]I know what you mean Big Sis :D If your enjoying your time then thats all it counts.... so you have a blast :bouncing:[/QUOTE]

Thanks! :bouncing:

Its going to be a LONG time before I meet someone I want a relationship with. My ex was the best guy I've ever dated/met. He had every quality I wanted in a husband. So its going to be hard to "upgrade"...maybe I'll find someone that has what he has and treats me even better, but that will take time. Thats why this is so hard...to me he was the best. He was awesome in everyway until he took off.. :confused: I mean he wasn't perfect, but definately close. Hopefully I can find a guy with all his qualities that doesn't take off...then I'll find my true love.

I like them tall, they have to love animals, they have to have a college education, no drugs, no heavy drinking, stable job, come from a stable family, be funny, faithful, loyal...love God...never married, no kids, wants kids...am I asking too much?

eightball61 12-03-2004 03:46 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
[QUOTE=elatedgiraffe]


I like them tall, they have to love animals, they have to have a college education, no drugs, no heavy drinking, come from a stable family, be funny, faithful, loyal...love God...am I asking too much?[/QUOTE]


Your welcome :angel:


The only thing is though since we can't do offboard contact your profile on a man may not work here :D

Its a very good outlook though and your ex was one of the best to walk into your life. If he wan't then you wouldn't be this torn. When you are ready to date again you will meet that new man that was meant to be with you.

Hoop 12-03-2004 04:25 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
[QUOTE=elatedgiraffe]

... I like them tall, they have to love animals, they have to have a college education, no drugs, no heavy drinking, stable job, come from a stable family, be funny, faithful, loyal...love God...never married, no kids, wants kids...am I asking too much?[/QUOTE]


Your girls really need to stop talking about me like this! :D LOL

Hang in there "G" and the rest of you girls. Don't compromise your principles in trying to find the guy that is right for YOU. Don't settle for anything less.


HOOP!( just something from the peanut gallery) :D

goody2shuz 12-03-2004 04:36 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
[QUOTE=Hoop]Your girls really need to stop talking about me like this! :D LOL

Hang in there "G" and the rest of you girls. Don't compromise your principles in trying to find the guy that is right for YOU. Don't settle for anything less.


HOOP!( just something from the peanut gallery) :D[/QUOTE]

Hoop, I just love it when you pop in with your witty self :D :D And was that "G" for me or for EG???? ;)

I just love it when you come up with something from the peanut gallery :bouncing: ....Goody with a "G" :wave:

StormGirl 12-03-2004 07:29 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
Hey guys... wow what a post explosion!!! I was only gone for a few hours!!! Thanks for all the uplifting posts. They all help. But I know exactly how Elated feels. Just empty. Nothing to give, and nothing further to lose. And I hate it, because it does make me feel very selfish, and I have never been that type of person. I feel as if I too am stuck in that time warp too. I walk the corridors at work and see people laughing and getting on with things, and sometimes I even join in, but my world seems to have just stopped. I know that some of these people have problems, most probably much worse than mine, and I look at them and wonder how they do it, or is it just a charade like mine? And it's not because I don't have a bf at the moment, cause yes, I have many wonderful family and friends, it's because a part of me has just... gone. The part of him that was a part of me, and all that is left is a very empty and dark place, which is where I retreat to. It's not that we don't want to care about the rest of the world, cause we do, I just am not capable at the moment and it's easier not to because that way, we can't be hurt further. I am in my own protective little world at the moment, and am a little afraid to come out, in case I get burned again. So in a nutshell, you can see that I haven't quite been successful in pulling myself out of it, but I know that I will soon. How the hell did it come to this when we were doing so good before???

Anyway, hope everyone that is suffering at the moment is holding up okay and doing the best that they can. And thanks to others like eightball who thankfully are not suffering along with us, but understand how we must feel and do their best to encourage and support us. The road to healing is unfortunately very long, and your patience with us is truly appreciated.

eightball61 12-04-2004 06:43 AM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
[QUOTE=StormGirl]

Anyway, hope everyone that is suffering at the moment is holding up okay and doing the best that they can. And thanks to others like eightball who thankfully are not suffering along with us, but understand how we must feel and do their best to encourage and support us. The road to healing is unfortunately very long, and your patience with us is truly appreciated.[/QUOTE]



The road to healing is a long road and many of us understand that. MAny people have been where you are. Unlike me though I am in my first real relationship and never got to go through the pain you are dealing with but coming to the boards and showing support I have seen and experience many people that have gone through this. I know its hard for me to understand but I like to say that thier is light at the end of the tunnel and its true. This isn't the end of the world and many people lve us. You have to just look for that happiness around you and eventually you will move on and we will still be here to share that happy moment. :angel:

elatedgiraffe 12-04-2004 08:30 AM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
Stormgirl- :angel:

Okay you are now my official "holiday buddy" if thats okay with you? I know what you mean about feeling selfish, but when theres nothing left to give then what can you do? I wonder that about people too...do I look just like those other people, like I'm okay and everything is fine and underneath it all I'm completely different. How can it be that I'm stuck in this awful time warp. Before I know it May will come and I'm still stuck in October. Then I feel anxious, as the world passes by and everyday I'm oneday older and I'm not doing anything about it. Like I'll still be "frozen" in 5 years...God, I hope not. It would be nice for time to flow like it used to. To know what day it is and what time it is. To feel the holidays. It is the stangest feeling...I've never had this before..the world is spinning around me and I'm just here. Is this how it is for you Stormgirl? Have you stopped contacting him or are you still going there? You know I understand why you contact him, trust me. Hopefully I'm done with that. :rolleyes:

All I can tell you is the main thing that helps me is Time. I know this is alot fresher for you than me. I hate that you are going through this...its the worst pain in the world..a broken heart never ceases to amaze me the effect it has on our spirit and our physical bodies. Its amazing how oneday we are floating along and then BAM! our world collapes. Not that boyfriends are the world, but when you are planning a future around someone you have to re-discover just what you are by yourself again. I had no idea what an impact my ex had on my life until he left. I had no idea how much I gave him and how much of me he would take with him when he left. I thought I was independent and emotionally doing pretty much it all on my own and had no idea that he meant THIS much to me. That he was such a big part of my life. That I had it in my head that this was it and he'd never leave.

What does your heart tell you stormgirl? Do you think that he'll come around or do you think it is over? Deep down, what are you feeling about it all?

StormGirl 12-04-2004 03:25 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
Okay Elated, holiday buddies we are!!! Yes, everything that you are experiencing is EXACTLY the same for me. As I have said before, I just feel very alien in a world that seems to have forgotten about me and just keeps going, but it's all different. I KNOW, the world doesn't stop because little old Stormgirl is having a hard time, but it is just the most surreal experience, and something that I did not go through last time, and I can't really explain. Maybe it is because I am older now, I don't know. But yes, no one but my closest friends suspect anything because I am a master of covering it all up, and then I get home, take my mask off and retreat into my comfort zone where I unfortunately have little tolerance for anything or anyone. It's like I don't want anyone to talk to me, look at me, be nice to me, try to do things for me... because it's not him. Hmmmmmm, okay, time to fess up... yes I contacted him on Friday afternoon. I didn't say anything because I am so disappointed in myself. I actually sent him a message to say that I would give it one last shot and see if he wanted to meet up. He rang me and we spoke a little, and he said he was busy but I could come around Saturday night "if I wanted to". Obviously I didn't go. I was afraid. If I did go there and he acted indifferent, it would hurt too much and I couldn't bear that. You know, sometimes I think it actually helps that I contact him cause it reminds me that he is being very disrespectful and can not care about me very much. But still, I haven't learnt. And thank you for understanding that and not thinking that I am a weakling for doing this... I torture myself enough about it, let me assure you. It's hard cause his birthday is coming up next week to, and I don't want to just ignore it. I'm not that kind of person.

Yes time is a great healer. I wish I could fast forward the next few months and have us at a place that is happy. You know, you ask what my heart is telling me, but the reason for my descent to this level is, I believe, due partly to the fact that too many doubts have snuck into my head. At first, while I was hurting, I knew that he would come back eventually. I know that he loves me very much, although it doesn't show. I know that he is hurting probably as much as I am, which I don't understand. I know these things from being with him for 6 years. Yet, somehow, doubts have crept in and I am not sure what I feel to be true, and what is "wishful thinking" anymore. I am starting to doubt myself. Something tells me he will be back, but because of the doubts, I will not let myself believe it because I am afraid that I will be hurt even worse. But the longer he leaves it, the more I change about how I feel... and I am concerned that I will go all the way through this, come out on the other side, and then be a different person when/if he wants to reunite. And the longer he leaves it, the more I feel that I don't really want to be with a person that doesn't know if they want to be with me... or has to think about it for such a long time. So to answer your question Elated, I just don't know. If I had a strong feeling either way, I would be much better, but I am so confused that I am starting to doubt everything. I think that is one of the things that kicks us so hard in the gut, we are rolling along nicely thinking that we know what is going on and the way things are, and then someone comes and rips the carpet from underneath our feet. We don't just question our relationship, we also question ourselves, other people, and just generally the way things are. And that can be really disturbing, hence the feeling of alienation or being "stuck". The one thing that I do know for sure, and I may have to eat my words later mind you, but it's one thing that people keep asking me that I definately know the answer to. That is, there is no other girl. He is not going out seeing other girls, and at the moment doesn't seem to have any intention of meeting other girls. And I don't know how I know this, because I don't really have substantial proof, but it's something that I just know.

So now back to you... I saw your post under "depression". Yes, you probably are suffering from it at the moment. But we will beat this!!! Especially with the help of all our friends here, who have no obligation to care, but do (isn't life bizarre???). Do you know what has put you on this temporary set back? Did something trigger it? Cause you seemed to be doing so well, and I hope that by reading my depressing posts has not contributed in anyway. Maybe if we can figure out if there was a trigger of some kind, then we could perhaps avoid it in the future? I don't know, just thought it might help.

And to you, our dear eightball, for someone who has not experienced what we are going through, you are doing a wonderful job of support, even by just giving us a wake up call, or reality check when needed. When going through times like this, it is easy to have a warped view of reality, and want to live in your own little bubble. And you know, I hope that you NEVER have to know what it is truly like, cause you don't deserve it. I can't wait for that moment in time when we can all catch up here and not feel pain anymore, but see only happiness and positive thoughts. And then, my friend Elated, we will be the living examples of survivors who will help the many people who will be feeling as we do now, and be able to show that we came out bigger and better on the other side. :angel:

My thoughts are with you!!

PS. rd, where are you? What's the latest? I hope that it's only good news!!!

rd1978 12-04-2004 05:10 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
hey stormgirl it good to hear you might be sounding a little more upbeat today,, and i see you are giving great advice to others as well,,, when you do talk to him how are you do you have that tone of fear or hurt in your voice? If so dont do it anymore,, i mean dont be mean but act like you do around your friends dont let him know how much he is hurting you ,,, maybe it will give him a wakeup call and a kick in the butt,,, plus it will prob help you out in the long run if you guys dont get back togethor,, he knows how you feel ,, maybe he needs to hear you sound a little more upbeat ,, might get he brain thinking a bit,, thats just my 2 cents! everyone's situation is different and i hate games but sometimes people need a reality check,, and it might also make you feel a little better and stronger?

as for me we have been talking every day since last sunday i dont believe i have called her once she has been the one doing the calling it always seems to work that way,,, she asked me on thursday what i was doing that night,,, and i told her i didnt have any plans at the moment,, so she asked if i wanted to go see a movie or something,, so i said ok,, but we never went it was getting late amnd we were bolth tired but we talked for a while ,, a couple of the times we talked it was for at least a half hour each time,,, nothing got into anything about us,, she told me a couple of times she does not want to date anyone else,,, she doesnt even want to casually date ,, But here is the thing i damn well know she CAN'T be my friend and i know if I hung out with someone else she would have a very hard time with it,,,I still need to have a serious talk with her ,,,,she had mentioned something to me when she was drunk earlyier this week about being so happy with no stress for a month and all of a sudden now she just isnt so happy anymore things are starting to hit her...... its weird because her b-day is next week also,, I know she loves me very much,, actually she said in an email after we broke up that ,, she def does love me alot and she is thinking that maybe things are getting more serious that this is really it ,and she is scared........im actually going to start a post in a little bit,,, good to hear from you :wave:

StormGirl 12-04-2004 05:22 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
Well rd, things are looking a bit more optimistic, and I'm really glad. But you seem to be going cautiously, which is a good sign for you. You know, maybe all she needed was a reality check too? I know what it's like at first to think that everything is okay, but the hard truth really doesn't hit until a bit later. Now it's hit her. I think that you guys could really sort it out if you both wanted to. As long as the communication stays open, it could really work. And I couldn't be happier for you, but it's early days and I'll keep my fingers crossed!!!

Yeah, I am a bit better today. Don't know how long it will last, but it's there. I am debating whether to go and see him today or not, cause I'd rather do it when I'm having a good day. Unfortunately when I have spoken to him, I have started off really good, but then the hurt starts to creep into my voice. I can hear it start to crack sometimes, but then just try and clear my throat and get on with it. I'm sure that he can hear it though. I know it's not a good sign, and I'm trying hard not to contact him, but sometimes I just can't help myself. I get so angry and worked up that I feel I HAVE to say something... and usually fail miserably ;) . But I'm hanging in there... that's the main thing!!

It's nice to hear some good news from you anyway, rd!!! :)

eightball61 12-05-2004 09:31 AM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
[QUOTE=StormGirl]

Yeah, I am a bit better today. Don't know how long it will last, but it's there. I am debating whether to go and see him today or not, cause I'd rather do it when I'm having a good day. [/QUOTE]


Its good to hear you were having a better day yesturday and I do hope it continues. You will have days where you feel down but I think it be best maybe not to see him when you are feeling better because seeing him may turn all your emotions backwards. You stated you havn't talk to him for a while and I am wondering whats making you want to see him? Maybe I missed something but I am just asking. I hope it continues into today though. Happy Sunday?

StormGirl 12-05-2004 11:45 PM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
Hey thanks Blondie... yeah it is very ironic that we all seem to be able to give good advice, but can't take it!!! I guess we do it cause we know what it's like and don't want to see someone else go through the grief.

eightball, I think you missed the post where I said that we had spoken and I suggested that I see him so that we can talk about things, and he said he was busy that night but said that I could go over on Saturday "if I want to". But I didn't go. I guess it has all been going on for too long and I wanted to try and sort it out. I spoke to him today as well, and he seems to be very hostile and I think it is because he is under the impression that I have done something to him (eg cheated etc??). I'm not sure. He has always been very jealous and suspicious, but I really haven't done anything so I don't even know what the problem is unless he tells me. I asked him if he still loves me or not and his response was yes "unless I have done something to cause him not to" (he didn't actually say yes, but I think that is the lines he was going along). He didn't say no, so maybe that is a good sign? Or maybe he just doesn't want to hurt me by saying no. The thing is, just before this happened, he was accusing me of chatting to some other guy (which is definately not true), and when I proved him wrong and asked what he was going on about, he said that if I was innocent that I would leave him for the way he has accused me. Where is the rationality in that? Maybe he is just trying to push me away and make me make the break? I don't know, but his mind DOES seem very confused right now. I can usually read him very well after 6 years, but this time I am absolutely stumped. Maybe I should be the one to make the break? I don't think I can take much more of this. If I had ANY reason to feel guilty, I would actually feel better cause I would know what I had done and how to feel, but as it stands, I am totally confused too. I don't know, maybe I'm just making more excuses for him...

I just can't take this ***** anymore. Even my work is starting to suffer a bit.

Anyway, just thought I'd give you an update. Still - no change. Me - no change. I was a bit better Sunday, then down again, then a bit up again this afternoon. Grrrrrrrr... I am getting bored with hearing myself.

So how is everyone else? Elated, haven't heard from you... do you need a big hug??? Hope you are doing okay, if not, let me know. We need to find out what's triggering your down periods so we can try and work through them. More progress rd?

Snails 12-06-2004 12:17 AM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
Stormgirl, I'm really sorry about how painful this is for you. I can only imagine how hard it would be if my BF of six years started pulling away and didn't seem to want to be with me anymore :eek: For what it's worth, I really think you're better off without him. If he's dealing with his problems now by constantly playing computer games, not talking to you, pulling away, and acting like you're not important to him anymore, how will he act if you stay together when things get tough? The real measure of a good, lasting relationship is how a couple deals with obstacles--do they withdraw from each other or do they pull together, keep communicating, support each other, and work as a team? I just don't see this guy being a good partner in the long run, though that might change if this is caused by something like depression and he seeks help. I know I said this before, but many of the comments you've made since just make me think that more. I'm really impressed by how strong you've been--I would think that a grieving process like this takes a long time and is a rough struggle. It seems clear that you're going to be better off after enough time goes by. I definitely agree with the other posters who said time heals everything, but it's unfortunate that time is the only thing that makes this kind of pain better. I'm really glad this board is here for people to support other people who have personal experience with what they're going through--it has made all the difference in allowing me to come to terms with my chronic pain. You guys are really a lifesaver for some people :bouncing: :bouncing: :bouncing: !

eightball61 12-06-2004 07:05 AM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
[QUOTE=StormGirl]Hey thanks Blondie... yeah it is very ironic that we all seem to be able to give good advice, but can't take it!!!
?[/QUOTE]


How mmuch more can you take???? You are putting in an effort and he is not. This would tell me right here to forget it. His words even show that he doesn't want to bother at this time. IF he wanted it back then he would make an effort to see you. I am sorry you have to go through this grief and confusion. I think the only way out is if you just stop and take matters into your own hands. You can do what you want but I think its just going to cause more pain. There is no signs that he care rights now. :rolleyes: You need to start thinking about YOU and taking those proper steps. Its heartbreaking but we are here for you.

StormGirl 12-07-2004 12:04 AM

Re: No choice but to let go?
 
Hmmmm, I don't think I can take much more eightball. It's killing me inside, and I can't concentrate on work. The whole thing is just agitating me... and I want it to either go one way or the other VERY soon. I go on 3 weeks holiday from work at the end of this week, and damn if I am going to feel like this the whole time. I think it is sooooo childish and immature not to talk to someone (especially in this case after 6 years)... GRRRRRRRRRRR!!! :nono:

PS. Sorry rd, this was not a shot at you about not answering phones etc... you probably had good reason, my bf DOES NOT!!!

PPS. Elated? I am missing you and worried about you... you okay? :angel:


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