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    Old 12-02-2004, 06:16 AM   #61
    eightball61
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by StormGirl
    Having a real bad day today. I just can't seem to function properly and I don't really want to be ANYWHERE. I think that you are right Elated that the depression has hit me a little (like a ton of bricks actually ). Sorry to let you down Elated, but at the moment I barely have the strength to type... I have been reading some other posts and would like to help, but I think... what help would I be when I can't get myself together? And would I be giving advice that I myself AM NOT taking? I hate myself when I'm like this, I hate being miserable and I want to kick my own ***!!! I try so hard to be strong all the time though that I guess I am allowed to let my guard down sometimes right? I am so bad today that I called his house, not to talk or ask questions etc, but just to hear his voice, cause for the last 6 years I have always turned to him. He spoke to me a little and I apologised for calling him, but just said that I needed to hear a friendly voice, but I didn't talk to him for long and said that I had to go. I shouldn't have called, I know... but I just feel so ummmmmm... blank today, and really sad.

    Any news rd?

    Elated, remind me again that it will get better please? Oh and by the way, I agree with eightball... you are doing great and a wonderful support for many others.

    I am sorry you are having this kind of day but its just a set back. Many people here like Elated will be able to tell you more about those. Set backs will happen then you will wake up another day and it won't be as bad. IT will get better. I know you want to hear it from Elated but I wanted to re-fresh that to you also. It does take time but we have seen many people here deal through these things and within time they have gotten stronger. It still hurt but they got stronger and got the realization to move on....We have the faith in you and you keep up that faith

     
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    Old 12-02-2004, 07:54 AM   #62
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by StormGirl
    Having a real bad day today. I just can't seem to function properly and I don't really want to be ANYWHERE. I think that you are right Elated that the depression has hit me a little (like a ton of bricks actually ). Sorry to let you down Elated, but at the moment I barely have the strength to type... I have been reading some other posts and would like to help, but I think... what help would I be when I can't get myself together? And would I be giving advice that I myself AM NOT taking? I hate myself when I'm like this, I hate being miserable and I want to kick my own ***!!! I try so hard to be strong all the time though that I guess I am allowed to let my guard down sometimes right? I am so bad today that I called his house, not to talk or ask questions etc, but just to hear his voice, cause for the last 6 years I have always turned to him. He spoke to me a little and I apologised for calling him, but just said that I needed to hear a friendly voice, but I didn't talk to him for long and said that I had to go. I shouldn't have called, I know... but I just feel so ummmmmm... blank today, and really sad.

    Any news rd?

    Elated, remind me again that it will get better please? Oh and by the way, I agree with eightball... you are doing great and a wonderful support for many others.


    Stormgirl---Holding your hand

    The set backs are hard. You think you have it together and that you are doing okay and then BAM! Then you start hating on yourself for letting yourself get this way. DO NOT HATE YOURSELF! You are like me and way too hard on yourself. You are grieving and it is a natural process and no amount of will power and strength can prevent you from going through the greiving process. He was an important part of your life for 6 years. You called him when you had a good day, a bad day, a funny day and now you feel completely lost. I hate the set backs as well. I'll not cry for a couple days and think I'm doing okay and then I got "weak" and tried to contact him and just was devastated all over again. You know you shouldn't contact him, but its like you just can't help it. You think somehow that if you call, he won't forget about you, or that he'll change his mind or maybe just hearing his voice will make you feel better. Then it doesn't and you hurt even more. I understand not wanting to be ANYWHERE. You go here and go there and even call him and nothing makes the pain stop and you feel impatient no matter who and what is around. Its like feeling home sick and going home and still not feeling any better.

    If it makes you feel better I had a rough day yesterday too. Sunday night was really bad and then I was okay until last night. I feel empty and cried alot. I don't look at these times as failures I look at these times as one step closer to the day I'm over him. Beating yourself up about the setbacks will only make your healing process longer. I also lost the strength to type and took some time away from the boards.

    I promise it gets better. Not magically over night, but it does get better. The setbacks are part of the process. Honestly I have a long way to go, BUT I am better than the first few weeks of the ordeal. I can eat now and sleep some. I think of him often, but not as intensely. I'm not crying at work anymore. So there is progress, slow, but thats only because I'm impatient. Prayer worked for me. It gave me alot of comfort when nothing else could. I'm not drinking as much, in fact I haven't drank more than a one beer in 4 days. So there you go, hope that it does get better. I feel different too. Stronger in a sense, like I'm still very weak about all this, BUT I feel change and strength within me. Like that eventually when I emerge I will be a new person and thats kind of exciting. Trust me, if I can get through this, so can you. I am a very emotional and sensitive person and that has alot to do with why this tore me up SO much. When I love, I love that person to the core. Some guy will be lucky to have me oneday because I don't just walk away from a relationship, regardless. You have a strong heart too and if you end up with this guy or not; the one who gets your heart is a lucky one. Everyone told me to try and be my own best friend. Thats the best advice. Last night I finally convinced myself to start cleaning my apt. after 5 weeks. I'm so good at helping others, yet when it comes to myself I don't take enough care of me. So I have this inner voice that tells me what to do, like what I would tell even you to do in this situation. I have the logic inside me its just hard to apply it to myself, especially when my emotions are all over the place. So accept that you will have setbacks, but that doesn't mean that you are weak, it means you are human. Accept that you will have really bad days, but you will have days that aren't so bad too. This is not easy and I'm not going to sugarcoat it. Listen to Goody and eightball; they had some great advice for me and were really here for me when it all went down. Everyone here on healthboards rocks. This is all about you and what you need. If you can't post for awhile, then don't. If you lost energy to help others, fine. Be selfish right now because you need to be. I've told everyone in my life that this time is about me and what I want and if drama starts or anything, I'm out. You've got to take care of yourself. Together we'll get through this and laugh at this oneday. Someone once said on here to me that the spirit is amazing in the way it heals. I agree. It seems like such a blackness now. It feels like you'll feel this way forvever. The pain only seems to intensify, but in time we'll be better. I know this because I can have a good hour and even an okay day. Now I may feel really upset again, but just as a good hour passes, so does a bad one. I'm in a cycle, and its a slow process BUT it'll get better. I've gotten better even though it still hurts..I am at a better place with it all. There is no magic pill that takes away the pain. And you know what running from it does; only catches back up. Time and patience and no hating yourself. You're doing so good.

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 08:20 AM   #63
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    hey stormgirl sorry to hear your days was crapp,, its like an emotional rollercoaster,,, ksome days are ok few are great and the one's that suck really suck and drag on,,, its it weird how we can extend advice to other in a situation ,, but our heart's mess with our heads so we cant take our own advice? just have to take,, everyone day by day,, no thinking of future worries or past worries,, just day by day,, i know what hearing his voice means to you,,, and im glad you got of the phone first with him,,, limit the calls as best as possible,,, you need the time to heal ,,aswell as he needs a kick in the butt, more or less a reality check , I know sometimes it feels like you can take 5 steps forward and then 10 steps back all of a suuden,,,keep yourself busy as best as possible,,, keep in touch....
    AS for me i have been talking to her for the past couple of days she has been calling me,,, i can tell she may be depressed and last night it sounded like she was crying before she called but i dont know,,, i think she is getting hit by reality,, one thign i never understood was,, everythime we broke up and started talking agin she was so suprised i even talked to her again,, and was all excited about it,,, im hoping to talk to her within the next week because she has the house to herself,,,but the converstaions have been flowing and the last thing she is trying to do is make me jelious,,,, i really think her heart is ther for me but her head is confusing the crap out of her,, I can tell you she told me she was sooooooooo happy for the past month and a half then BAm like almost a week ago she wasnt happy anymore and has been grumpy and irretable she said ,, she doesnt know why but I DO,, and hopefully i can explain it all to her,,, it ISNT easy stormgirl but keep your head up

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 08:21 AM   #64
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Elated, I know you are trying to ignore some of the things and post to make you talk about things. I don't blame you because you are to move foward and not back. I will say its nice for you to come back and have the strengh to share what you are going through with other. I can't imagine its easy for you to do that but its a start.

    As you see your words and help and helpful to this poster. Posters like you are great to have around because you stay strong enough to talk about it. You both though are doing fine. I don't really bother asking how you are doing because I can tell from your post time to time. You are moving on though and thats a start.

    No one said that this was going to be easy. You are doing very good for yourself by getting up in the morning and doing things for yourself. Please keep the alcohol away and try to move on without it. I remember a while back you told me that alcohol doesn't solve anything or something like that because I was having a problem and drining it out. I am happy though that you only have had on in the last few days.

    You have been very supportive to others and I just wanted to take a moment to thank you for that Best Wishes

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 10:30 AM   #65
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by StormGirl
    I tried to get him to open up, but he really didn't have much to say other than that he does still love me, but just doesn't know what he wants from life in general.
    Does ANYONE know anymore? I've heard this line so many times: "I love you, BUT I'm so confused, I don't know what I want from life in general and where my life is going." This one is a classic, I'm telling you. They're all "confused" and "depressed" nowadays. It's an epidemic. I think you should stop making excuses for him. His Confusing Depression is not a reason for him to be treating you with disrespect (telling you he'll call and not calling), or hurting you emotionally. After all these years with you, he should know by now if he wants to spend his life with you or not. It's only fair.

    Last edited by SophiaM; 12-02-2004 at 10:31 AM.

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 10:59 AM   #66
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by SophiaM
    Does ANYONE know anymore? I've heard this line so many times: "I love you, BUT I'm so confused, I don't know what I want from life in general and where my life is going." This one is a classic, I'm telling you. They're all "confused" and "depressed" nowadays. It's an epidemic. I think you should stop making excuses for him. His Confusing Depression is not a reason for him to be treating you with disrespect (telling you he'll call and not calling), or hurting you emotionally. After all these years with you, he should know by now if he wants to spend his life with you or not. It's only fair.
    Amen

    Thats exactly the point I had to get at. I realized that no matter how "depressed or confused" by poor ex is/was doesn't excuse his disrespect towards me. I agree its all an excuse and regardless if hes hurting you and disrespecting you then there is more of a problem than him being "depressed".

    As soon as mine started the "I'm not feeling well I'll call you back" and never did I had to make a decision for myself as to what I'm willing to tolerate and disrespect isn't one of them. Stormgirl--you deserve so much more and I know it doesn't change anything to hear that, but you really do. He doesn't need to lie to you and not call you back.

     
    Old 12-03-2004, 01:00 AM   #67
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Hi all!

    Yes I know Elated... I don't deserve that kind of treatment, I do deserve better. Well I'm having another day today, but I'm slowly trying to pull myself out of it - I don't want to be upset all weekend. I really am annoyed at myself, although I am trying not to beat myself up. Elated it's good news that you haven't had anything to drink for a couple of days and no smoking either... see.... PROGRESS!!! I guess I'm a little bummed because although I seemed to be at the beginning, I don't seem to be making much progress now - either sliding downhill or just stagnating - but I've learned to accept it and just go with it. I know that I have to experience all these things and they are not going to go away - not overnight anyway, and the mixed signals that I am getting from him are not helping me much at all. But the whole good day/bad day thing is starting to get REALLY monotonous now. I am prone to be a little impatient sometimes, so it's driving me insane.

    Well I just wanted to say hello to all, hope you are all well and happy (or as much as is possible). Thanks again for all of your support, I really appreciate it more than my words can do justice to it. You have ALL helped me tremendously.
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    Old 12-03-2004, 06:04 AM   #68
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by StormGirl
    Hi all!

    I don't want to be upset all weekend.


    You don't have to be...You mind will keep those thoughts there but just go out or keep yourself active the best you can. Go out shopping for you or christmas, rent a movie, or visit family. Do anything and I wish you a good weekend.

    Last edited by eightball61; 12-03-2004 at 06:06 AM.

     
    Old 12-03-2004, 08:54 AM   #69
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Stormgirl-

    You are staying strong. I'm proud of you. I haven't had the best week, finally all the things I distracted myself with have caught up to me. I'm really depressed and find myself crying at night alot. The mornings used to be the worst, now the nights are. You're right you do have to experience all these things and they aren't going to go away over night. If I find the fairy that can eliminate all this for us, trust me I send her over to you.

    My mind is really foggy and it I feel so numb when I think Christmas is 3 weeks away or that I'm in the month of December. I'm still stuck in October and feel like the world just kept on moving and I'm frozen. Frozen is the best way to describe my mental state. I'm going through the motions and just feel unable to make any decisions. Just frozen in this emotion and I feel so empty. I often don't know what day it is and its been hard for me to remember anything....sometimes I wonder if I'm slowly loosing my mind?

    Anyway stormgirl I hope that you'll have an okay weekend. You'll get through this. What other choice do you have, right? Thanks for your support it means alot. I hope I help you too and don't depress you more or anything. Hang in there.

     
    Old 12-03-2004, 11:07 AM   #70
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe
    Stormgirl-

    You are staying strong. I'm proud of you. I haven't had the best week, finally all the things I distracted myself with have caught up to me. I'm really depressed and find myself crying at night alot. The mornings used to be the worst, now the nights are. You're right you do have to experience all these things and they aren't going to go away over night. If I find the fairy that can eliminate all this for us, trust me I send her over to you.

    My mind is really foggy and it I feel so numb when I think Christmas is 3 weeks away or that I'm in the month of December. I'm still stuck in October and feel like the world just kept on moving and I'm frozen. Frozen is the best way to describe my mental state. I'm going through the motions and just feel unable to make any decisions. Just frozen in this emotion and I feel so empty. I often don't know what day it is and its been hard for me to remember anything....sometimes I wonder if I'm slowly loosing my mind?

    Anyway stormgirl I hope that you'll have an okay weekend. You'll get through this. What other choice do you have, right? Thanks for your support it means alot. I hope I help you too and don't depress you more or anything. Hang in there.
    Girls....I know the holidays are theworst part of getting through a loss, whether it be through death or a breakup. Many families at this time of year struggle with such things as do people in & out of relationships. Our family is going through some troubles as well & if I could offer a suggestion that is helping me out personally....I would take this opportunity to experience the gift of giving. Sometimes we all get so "wrapped up" (excuse the pun) in the receiving end not even realizing that Christmas is the season of giving. This year our family is trying to focus on that aspect....sometimes without even realizing it we all tend to become too worldly and everything is all about us. What I'm suggesting is that you go out and find a soup kitchen to volunteer in to help out with on Christmas Eve & Day. Perhaps even find out about an elderly person who has nowhere to go and whom you can spend time with or do something such as getting food in the house for him/her. I suggest this because by doing so you will see that by helping others you are also helping yourself. We can all sit over the weekend and cry or perhaps we can get out there and offer some good cheer to those less fortunate. Ok...I'll get off my soapbox....but that is just what me & my family are going to do and I feel in doing so it will not only help someone else out but reunite us in our efforts.

    So girls...dry your eyes & think of something you can give or do for others. It will make you feel good and keep your mind off of things. And if you bought a present for you ex's drop it off at a churdh for someone more worthy of it Keep your chins up and know what I am saying is just a way to bring you good cheer....Goody

     
    Old 12-03-2004, 11:15 AM   #71
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Girls....I know the holidays are theworst part of getting through a loss, whether it be through death or a breakup. Many families at this time of year struggle with such things as do people in & out of relationships. Our family is going through some troubles as well & if I could offer a suggestion that is helping me out personally....I would take this opportunity to experience the gift of giving. Sometimes we all get so "wrapped up" (excuse the pun) in the receiving end not even realizing that Christmas is the season of giving. This year our family is trying to focus on that aspect....sometimes without even realizing it we all tend to become too worldly and everything is all about us. What I'm suggesting is that you go out and find a soup kitchen to volunteer in to help out with on Christmas Eve & Day. Perhaps even find out about an elderly person who has nowhere to go and whom you can spend time with or do something such as getting food in the house for him/her. I suggest this because by doing so you will see that by helping others you are also helping yourself. We can all sit over the weekend and cry or perhaps we can get out there and offer some good cheer to those less fortunate. Ok...I'll get off my soapbox....but that is just what me & my family are going to do and I feel in doing so it will not only help someone else out but reunite us in our efforts.

    So girls...dry your eyes & think of something you can give or do for others. It will make you feel good and keep your mind off of things. And if you bought a present for you ex's drop it off at a churdh for someone more worthy of it Keep your chins up and know what I am saying is just a way to bring you good cheer....Goody
    Goody you better not ever leave us again Post like these are great for the readers and the people going through the experience. You have a gift at making people feel good and don't ever loose that Thanks for that great post and I am sure they will enjoy it also.

     
    Old 12-03-2004, 12:05 PM   #72
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by goody2shuz
    Girls....I know the holidays are theworst part of getting through a loss, whether it be through death or a breakup. Many families at this time of year struggle with such things as do people in & out of relationships. Our family is going through some troubles as well & if I could offer a suggestion that is helping me out personally....I would take this opportunity to experience the gift of giving. Sometimes we all get so "wrapped up" (excuse the pun) in the receiving end not even realizing that Christmas is the season of giving. This year our family is trying to focus on that aspect....sometimes without even realizing it we all tend to become too worldly and everything is all about us. What I'm suggesting is that you go out and find a soup kitchen to volunteer in to help out with on Christmas Eve & Day. Perhaps even find out about an elderly person who has nowhere to go and whom you can spend time with or do something such as getting food in the house for him/her. I suggest this because by doing so you will see that by helping others you are also helping yourself. We can all sit over the weekend and cry or perhaps we can get out there and offer some good cheer to those less fortunate. Ok...I'll get off my soapbox....but that is just what me & my family are going to do and I feel in doing so it will not only help someone else out but reunite us in our efforts.

    So girls...dry your eyes & think of something you can give or do for others. It will make you feel good and keep your mind off of things. And if you bought a present for you ex's drop it off at a churdh for someone more worthy of it Keep your chins up and know what I am saying is just a way to bring you good cheer....Goody

    I'm usually a giving person, have always enjoyed volunteering here and there. But I feel empty..I really feel like I have nothing to give. I'm not trying to wollow as many are less fortunate than me, but for some reason I just don't have it in me this year. I can barely make myself something to eat or clean my place, so how do I do it for someone else? I usually am able to look beyond myself, but for the first time in my life I feel like I have nothing inside to give right now. I gave so much to so many people in the past.

    Last edited by elatedgiraffe; 12-03-2004 at 12:08 PM.

     
    Old 12-03-2004, 12:15 PM   #73
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe
    But I feel empty..I really feel like I have nothing to give. .


    Its natural...You may feel empty this year but what about next year or the year after. This happened at a very bad timing. You are getting stronger and I don't care if you don't see it because I and other do and have pointed that out to you. You may not be in the spirit but try something like a volunteer position to get you out and active or watch the christmas specials they run on TV. I been watching them all week and it gives me a tingley feeling knowing its around the corner. We are here for you both. We care for you and you and I will be thinking of you both over the holiday season. You may or may not beleive me but I will

    Last edited by eightball61; 12-03-2004 at 12:16 PM.

     
    Old 12-03-2004, 12:58 PM   #74
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Elated....I know you feel empty and as if you have nothing to give...in a way I've been feeling that to because my daughter seems to be sucking the life out of me. So it's not as if I don't understand. And yet you need to get out and do it...it's as if you're invited to a party and you're really dreading it but you get dressed and you drag yourself out to it and suddenly you're gald you went afterall and could kick yourself in the butt for not wanting to go in the first place Or it could be as most women can relate....your man wants some action and you're completely exhausted & almost call in a headache And you go for it and it turns out to be just what you needed after a long exhausting day

    Anyway....you can go on mulling things over, crying, laying in bed wondering when this feeling will end or you can go out and do something constructive and at the same time therapeutic for yourself until you feel life is worthwhile again. And it will be...it's just a matter of time.....Goody


    Jeff....thanks for your wonderful comment, it makes it all worthwhile for me

    Last edited by goody2shuz; 12-03-2004 at 01:00 PM.

     
    Old 12-03-2004, 01:19 PM   #75
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    Re: No choice but to let go?

    Thanks guys for the uplifting posts. It just feels like hearing Christmas music and seeing christmas decorations in May.

    It doesn't hit me and if I see anything on T.V. about Christmas it makes me very depressed and I change the channel. I guess, too, that in 3 weeks or so I was going to be engaged. And here I am single and alone during the holidays. For all of you who have someone you love right now, embrace it and DON'T take it for granted. I know how easy it is to get used to being with someone, BUT it is a gift to be in love with someone. To share the holidays with your sweetie is like nothing else.

    I know getting out there will make me feel better and I'm trying, but I just don't have the motivation right now. I call up a friend and maybe see someone on the weekends, but inside I just don't care anymore. I guess its just another stage of the healing process. Stormgirl--how are you holding up during this time?

     
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