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  • 23 and never been kissed! aah!

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    Old 12-01-2004, 03:34 PM   #1
    KawaiiKoneko81
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    23 and never been kissed! aah!

    So are there other people out there in my situation?

    I am 23 years old (just turned last week),female, and i have never been kissed, or even been out on a date with a guy! It really bothers me sometimes, and it effects my self esteem greatly! i dont think i am horrible looking, probably average, and a little overweight, but i see plenty of girls out there who are like me with boyfriends! i am a little shy i think, and i had parents who were really strict throughout highschool (so i wasnt allowed to have a boyfriend) i dont know, i just think that guys these days are mostly interested in looks alone, and they think i am ugly or something!! it really sucks.....

     
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    Old 12-01-2004, 05:03 PM   #2
    ana_27
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by KawaiiKoneko81
    So are there other people out there in my situation?

    I am 23 years old (just turned last week),female, and i have never been kissed, or even been out on a date with a guy! It really bothers me sometimes, and it effects my self esteem greatly! i dont think i am horrible looking, probably average, and a little overweight, but i see plenty of girls out there who are like me with boyfriends! i am a little shy i think, and i had parents who were really strict throughout highschool (so i wasnt allowed to have a boyfriend) i dont know, i just think that guys these days are mostly interested in looks alone, and they think i am ugly or something!! it really sucks.....

    Kawaii, all I can say is that you WILL eventually go out on a date, be kissed, and find the person you are supposed to be with. Sooner or later it WILL happen. Have you thought about using a dating site to meet new people? If you are shy, communicating over email or MSN might be a good way to break the ice and by the time you meet the person, you already feel like you know them.

    At least you've never had your heart broken!

     
    Old 12-01-2004, 05:15 PM   #3
    Ninispjc
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    Kawaii, I was in your position. I am not homely by any means, and when I was your age, I had a rather nice figure, but i was painfully shy, and I guess that's why i never dated. Men/boys just never seemed to be attracted to me and the ones who were never seemed to do anything about it (when I was in college I walked past a man I had a class with and as I walked inside the library I heard him whisper to his friend "she's sooo sexy." I caught him staring at me a couple of times but he never did anything about it.
    I was almost 31 years old before I had my first real slow dance, my first kiss, my first date, everything. Unfortunately I put all my eggs in that basket and ended up getting my heart so badly broken I never recovered from it.

    I would suggest picking up some books on cognative behavioral therapy. I think, and I'm just assuming you're like me so forgive me if I'm a little off base here, but I think perhaps your thought patterns may be affecting how you come across to other people. People can really smell it on you if you're not confident and totally comfortable in your own skin. It's one of God's cruel little jokes that we are never as unappealing and unattractive as we are when we need people the most. And people never want to be around us as much as they do when we are strong enough to say "to hell with you, i can take you or leave you." It's crazy, but that's just human nature. Work first on being proud of who and what you are. Working on absolutely loving who you see in the mirror each morning. Be kind and respectful to others in speaking your mind, standing your ground, and voicing your opinions, but be your own person at the same time. you don't have to make someone else wrong in order to be right. And put your best foot forward regarding all the superficial stuff, hair, make up, clothes, etc. You dont' have to look like a fashion model, just look like someone who has respect for herself and her appearance, and who is confident and a winner. Don't even stress about men right now. You may not feel like it, but you are still so young. There's time. I think there are still plenty of college age women out there, your age, who are still virgins, and as for never been kissed, never had a date, well, no one needs to know that if you don't wish to tell them. That's ok. Get used to talking to different people. Practice flirting. Give yourself homework assignments, like "I will strike up a five minute conversation with 3 different people today" and stick to it. Then you'll be ready to date around. Get to know men, what you like, what you don't like, what you'll put up with and what you won't, and remember, they need to impress you as much as you need to impress them, don't forget that. They have to pass your tests too. Good luck to you.

     
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    Old 12-01-2004, 05:24 PM   #4
    KawaiiKoneko81
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    thank you so much for your advice! you make me feel so much better now! i just have a hard time because when people see that i dont date, they automatically assume that i am a lesbian or something (nothing against them of course!) i just dont know....it is hard sometimes, but i will have to deal with it!!

     
    Old 12-01-2004, 05:26 PM   #5
    ladivapr
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    Ana dont worry I was also a late bloomer. I think I was the only that graduated from high school without being kissed. My first kiss was after highschool. First steady bf was last year in college around your age. And Im 31 one and still not married. It just comes later for some of us!

     
    Old 12-01-2004, 06:09 PM   #6
    Ruth6:11
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    Look at it from a little different perspective...
    I started serious dating around the age of 19 - and I thought I was pretty backwards at that for the 70's.
    But the truth of it is that I didn't meet the right guy - the one I married - until I was 34.
    And I'm telling you, if I could go back I wouldn't waste my time or my kisses on any of them and my dear husband would be the first and only man that I kissed.
    Relationships make for good stories, and I couldn't help out here half as much if I hadn't dated for so long...
    But between you and me, don't worry about when that first kiss is so much as...
    who it is with...

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 04:45 AM   #7
    Cp406
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    Well I'm 23, and have been dating since I was 14, and to tell you the truth none of them (well except the one I am with now....but sometimes I wonder) was worth all the pain that I went through.

    If I could erase them from my history then I would do so. Heartbreak is an awful awful feeling, and by dating through hish school it is almost garunteed to haapen (unless you are the heartbreaker, which I never was).

    You may not have ever kissed, or been on a date, or anything like that, but so far you have also avoided getting cheated on, or being a teenage mother, falling for someone who decided they just didn't like you anymore, etc.

    If you are shy, really shy, then that will cause people to be nervous around you. Some people just can't think of anything to say around shy girls/guys and therefore feel uncomfortable.

    You can meet differnt people by changing things in your life. Make some new friends, get a part time job that has a lot of people your age there, volunteer at places, try online dating (if that's for you).

    How you feel about yourself definatly afftects how others precieve you. If you walk into a room cool, calm and confiendent, then people will notice, no matter what your appreaance. FI you walk into a room and slink into the corner quietly to not be noticed, then that's that people will do, not notice you.

    There WILL come a time that you will date. Now at 23 is a good time to start. The guys your (our) age, give or take a few years, are for the most part just starting to mature.

    Last edited by Cp406; 12-02-2004 at 04:46 AM.

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 06:10 AM   #8
    eightball61
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    I don't think thata bad thing at all. In reality you are saving yourself. I think you have done a really good thing by not going out and doing what many people do and thats count out the numbers. A guy will come your direction....If you are a little shy then try to brake through that if you want something to happen. If you want a date to happen then you will have to speak up or it will take that much longer for it to happen. Set a goal for yourself and go for it. I am not saying you have to go out and sleep with someone but try to go out and get the expirience of dating. Its really not a big thing overall but don't feel bad about it and it will eventually happen.

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 08:50 AM   #9
    llw03c
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    hey, i'm a guy and i was 24 when i first kissed someone and it didn't even mean that much since it was at a club (both were'nt drunk but its not the same). i'm still single, always have been, and will be for a while. its the way life is. we're no all on the same time table. everyone won't experience the same things at the same time. right now i'm 26 and some other people at this age are already married with kids. i'm just out of college and far from any relationship. maybe i'm cursed or blessed; i'm still deciding. in this situation, of course, its natural to think no one thinks you're attractive or that there's something wrong with you but you should remember that there's always someone that likes everyone on earth. some have it better than others but still.

    life would suck if we all had 5 BFs/GFs by 20 and married by 25, etc...we need variety. i myself might have to wait 'till i'm 30 for a first relationship or even 40 or never. either way, it doesn't mean i'm worth less than anyone or that my life is less fulfilling or that i underachieved or anything. either way, when its over, i'll always believe i lived a great life 'cause i did what i wanted and lived on my terms and not what was expected of me.

    hey, look on the bright side, at least your mom isn't on your case about it. they seem to think i can buy a GF from ebay or something to be honest, i'm really happy right now...sure i could be having lots of sex, but you can't have everything thats probably all i'm missing out on anyway.

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 08:55 AM   #10
    eightball61
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by llw03c
    i'm really happy right now...

    Thats all it takes....If you are happy where you are at in life then keep things the way they are. When you are ready to move forth onto a relationship your body will let you know that. The best thing is to keep yourself happy and thats what you are doing at the moment. Keep up with the happiness and goals and go from there. No one ever said you have to be married at 25 and have a family. This is your life and you do what you want to furfill it because you only get one chance.

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 11:46 AM   #11
    Cp406
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    There is nothing wrong with not dating until you are older. No matter if you are a guy or girl.

    Like I mentioned before, so far you have saved yourself alot of greif. You haven't contracted any STD"s or being labbled as easy, or anything along those lines.

    As you mature and get older, the age group of the people that you would date mature and get older as well. This is a good thing.

    When I was younger I would date someone for very stupid reason. He was good looking, popular, a friend of a friend, etc. Now that I've gotten older, I am beginning to open my eyes as to what is important in relationships. When choosing it is now not on looks, and popularity, but if we "click" or have the same intersts. Family values are alot, and I want someone whose family I can get along with well. Someone sensible who doesn't want to be out drinking every weekend. Someone who can be as laid back as I am.

    I have a friend who is dating someone who is 12 years older than her. She is 22, he is 34. She has told me that she will never date anyone under the age of 30 again. Basically because he is so much more mature than most other guys. That works out well for her, because she is looking to settle with one person.

    I think just starting dating at 23 is a perfect time. By now you probably have out grown the highschool stage. Your probably ready to have a meaningful relationship. You can more easily date a larger age group. If you were 13 and dating someone 25, although some places i"m sure it happens, it's not as "accepted" as someone being 23 and dating someone 35. If you were to date someone when you were 16, and he was 19, then he is probably going to be immature. But if you were to take that same person and date them when you were 24 and he was 27, it may be a whole differnt person.

    Don't rush it and don't worry about it. Someone will come along. But maybe you should help him out a little bit and get out there and mingle with more people.

     
    Old 01-31-2005, 02:06 PM   #12
    staruvluv
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    I'm also 23 and not too long ago did I receive my first real kiss, I mean the deep passionate kind. I grew up very focused on school, but still had a pretty sociable life with friends and activities, but I never dated in high school and not even college! But I wasn't worried and you shouldn't either. The time will come and believe me when you meet the right person that you care about and is totally comfortable about kissing, it'll be awesome (maybe not like the movies, but great nonetheless). I am in my first ever serious relationship (never had a serious longterm boyfriend until recently). I was shy about the first kiss, but I told him that I lacked experience and we discussed everything and when it happened, it was really special. I'm glad I never settled for less and waited until I was sure I cared for him. I'm in no rush to experience everything there is to experience in a relationship, I want to take my time and relish every moment of it. It's worth the wait! Instead of thinking about what you're missing out on, focus on yourself and what you need. This is the only time in life that you can be little selfish with your time and needs! Good luck!

     
    Old 02-02-2005, 12:16 PM   #13
    ripod
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    Hi, I'm 17 years old, do I have a shot at taking you out for a blind date? Hehe

     
    Old 02-05-2005, 12:41 PM   #14
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    I think it is ok to be in your situation. You have save the heart ache you could have experienced while you were blossoming into a woman. Through all the guys I kissed and dated, it did help me realize what i wanted and didn't, but at same time they all were not what I wanted. so eh, i should have figured that all out (which u can do now being 23) without getting hurt in the process. Best of luck. Save your specials for that special one
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    Old 02-06-2005, 07:12 AM   #15
    EddieDean
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    Re: 23 and never been kissed! aah!

    I think your only issue is that you haven't met the right person yet! My sister is 21 and a real cutie, and she's never had a boyfriend. She just hasn't met the right guy at this point of her life, but that doesn't mean she's a lost cause!

    I have plenty of friends that are 24, married, and pregnant. Like somebody else said....that may work for them, but that doesn't have to be the mold for the rest of us. Personally, I'd like to spend as much time with my guy as possible before we have kids. We are in our mid-20s and don't feel that "itch" yet. That doesn't mean we're WRONG, but that we have our own timeline. The same goes for you! Who says that you have to be married at 23??? Get out, enjoy life, and realize that it's better to be happy and single then married and miserable!!!!

     
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