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  • is this considered to be cheating?

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    Old 12-02-2004, 07:06 AM   #1
    bobsully
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    Question is this considered to be cheating?

    I don't know where my thread went from last night so I will try it again...

    I met a girl a few months ago and since then we have become real close friends...Though I am physically attracted to her (we have not had sex or kissed)...I am fully aware that she is a friend that I probably should not have...Anyway this is the situation...

    We chat all day long on the instant messenger...we meet each other for coffee several times during the week...we talk on the cell phone about a half hour a day on her commute home...and I occasionally help her out by giving her some pain killers because she has a nagging shoulder injury...(her doctor is not helping her out these days).

    We got to talking about cheating the other day...and it made me start to think a bit...She has a boyfriend and they own a house together. I met him one time. The boyfriend has no idea about the extent of our "clandestine" friendship...and I am starting to think that this may not be a good thing. She does not think of our friendship as "cheating"... I am beginning to think it is...Any thoughts?

     
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    Old 12-02-2004, 07:11 AM   #2
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    Regardless if one classifies this as "cheating" or not, the bottom line is that your gut instinct is telling you that something doesn't feel "right". Listen to it. You feel uncomfortable about the situation and thats what matters. Often our inner voice or conscience warns us and we don't listen.

    I beleive in emotional cheating and find it odd her boyfriend knows nothing about the extent of your friendship. I mean, if she has nothing to hide then why hide it? Probably because she feels its wrong too.

    So you should limit the "friendship" to a point where it feels comfortable but I think that the way things are now could lead to some trouble.

    Last edited by elatedgiraffe; 12-02-2004 at 07:11 AM.

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 07:13 AM   #3
    eightball61
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bobsully
    The boyfriend has no idea about the extent of our "clandestine" friendship...?


    Technically you havn't done anything together to consider it cheating but on the other hand you did meet this guy but he has no idea about your friendship and the degree its at. That write there is a "red flag" to me. If she was to consider you as a friend then she would tell him about you. The only reason why I see that she wouldn't is if she is afraid of him and he was the abusive type but you would know that if so. Overall though as I said its not cheating to some degree but it has the makings to be one. What you need to do watch the fine line and maybe ask her about that over coffee sometime. It is a form of emotional cheating and like I said it can lead to other things. This is something to bring up. You are starting to notice the wrong here and you need to make it known and not hide it like she is.

    Last edited by eightball61; 12-02-2004 at 07:15 AM.

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 07:18 AM   #4
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    Bob...In regards to your question on cheating...there are differnet opinions on what one categorizes as cheating. Opinions will vary...but in my opinion anytime somebody beocomes emotionally involved or spends time with another without their SO's knowledge of it.....I consider cheating. Somehow this woman is getting something from you that she is lacking in her relationship.

    Regarding the pain pills...it is illegal to give any perscribed medication to another person particularly if it is a controlled substance. I would definitely stop doing so and also entertain the thought that perhaps you are being used by this woman for just that reason....stop giving her the meds and see where it goes. My hunch is that it will be over as quickly as she can find another to aid her in her quest....good luck....Goody

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 07:48 AM   #5
    Cp406
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    hmm..where DID your thread go? Cuz I replied to it this morning. Oh well.

    I do not think that it is cheating if you haven't physically done anything, or made plans to do something in the future.

    But I do think that it is wrong that she is hiding it from her b/f. Why would she need to do that if there is noting going on?

    There are alot of guy/girl friendships out there, and I would not consider that cheating. But it is very easy for cheating to happen between them.

    Has she ever told you why she hasn't told him?

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 07:53 AM   #6
    bobsully
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    That's a good question...She never has told me why her b/f does not know...

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 08:00 AM   #7
    eightball61
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bobsully
    That's a good question...She never has told me why her b/f does not know...
    & thats why I said this a thing you need to make it known. She is hiding this for a reason and just let her know that you are not the type to go behind others back. All you are trieing to do is the right thing. There is no wrong to this unless you both continue to keep it a secret or cross the line.

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 08:01 AM   #8
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    I replied to it this morning too. I wonder what happened to it. Anyway,,,,(this is what I said to your original post)
    Technically No - I don't think it's cheating, but there is alot more than what you see here. She is using you for the pain killers. The reason I think she hasn't told her boyfriend is because he probably doesn't want her to take the pills. Did you ever think she may have a drug abuse problem? Maybe this is why her doctor won't give her the pills.
    Not only that, but what you are doing is illegal. Giving someone prescription drugs that are not prescribed for them by their doctor is illegal, dangerous and stupid.
    Stop giving her the pills and I almost guarantee you that she'll stop talking to you.

    Last edited by susieq0726; 12-02-2004 at 08:02 AM.

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 08:09 AM   #9
    kbell
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    The fact that your friendship is giving you a feeling that this might constitute cheating and then on top of that the fact that your relationship is clandestine and her boyfriend doesn't know how close you really are send up a couple red flags for me.

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 08:10 AM   #10
    bobsully
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    It never crossed my mind that she may have a drug problem...From what she tells me...it did not appear that she was making up the injury to her shoulder...she is very active (sports...self defense...working out). I have not given out the pain killers like they were candy so to speak...and i would hope that the reason for our friendship was not cuz of that

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 08:17 AM   #11
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bobsully
    It never crossed my mind that she may have a drug problem...From what she tells me...it did not appear that she was making up the injury to her shoulder...she is very active (sports...self defense...working out). I have not given out the pain killers like they were candy so to speak...and i would hope that the reason for our friendship was not cuz of that

    It just seems weird to me that she doesn't tell her boyfriend, and her doctor won't give her anything for her shoulder. Two red flags right there. I have male friends and my husband knows all of them. If I were trying to hide something, he wouldn't know about them. I just kinda smell a rat here and I hope you don't get hurt in the process.

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 08:25 AM   #12
    eightball61
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bobsully
    It never crossed my mind that she may have a drug problem...From what she tells me...it did not appear that she was making up the injury to her shoulder...she is very active (sports...self defense...working out). I have not given out the pain killers like they were candy so to speak...and i would hope that the reason for our friendship was not cuz of that


    Hmmmm think about this one...."How much do you actually know this girl"??

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 09:07 AM   #13
    bobsully
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    I think that I know her pretty well...but I guess one never really knows...On a lighter note...this whole thing about cheating came about as a result of me making a joke that I had made about how "kissing under the mistletoe" is not considered to be cheating...I thought that I had found a "loop hole" making an made an argument that in the spirit of the holiday season that kissing under the mistletoe is allowed without it be considered to be cheating...I thought it was funny at the time but it opended up my eyes a little bit and that's how I got to thinking about this whole "what is cheating thing"

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 09:23 AM   #14
    Cp406
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    Do you think of her as more than a friend? Do you feel that she thinks of you as more than a friend?

    How often have you given her painkillers?

     
    Old 12-02-2004, 09:57 AM   #15
    eightball61
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    Re: is this considered to be cheating?

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by bobsully
    I think that I know her pretty well...

    You think....hmmm Lets see when you both get together who talks about who the most? Does she mention her BF at all or anything good? How about her family?

     
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