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    Old 12-09-2004, 06:42 PM   #1
    Ashley018
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    boyfriend thinks I'm cheating

    Hi, I'm having a little problem in my relationship as you could tell by the title...I've been in a relationship with this guy for about five months(I'm 19 and he's 25) and at first things were great when I met him. We always had so much fun and we were (and still are) together whenever we're not at work. I'm just so frustrated because he's been accusing me lately of sleeping with other guys. It really bothers me because I've told him time and time again that he is the only guy I want to be with and that there would be no point of our relationship if I was to want other guys, and he'll act like he finally understands and I think everything is cleared up and then he starts in again...almost everyday. He's accused me of sleeping with his best friend who has just moved in (who I'm not at all attracted to and who I never even see either), and he just doesn't seem to get it that I would never do that and I would never want to hurt him. He is a wonderful person with a good head on his shoulders and that's what attracted me to him, but the way he's been acting is really taking it's toll on the relationship. The past few nights he's brought me to tears and I feel like there is nothing I can do or say. He doesn't take me seriously when I tell him how much it bothers me and frustrates me. I feel like I can't even do my own thing, such as go shopping or hang out with a girlfriend or get things taken care of that need to be done because he always accuses me of going other places and lying. All I do is go to college full time and go straight to my fulltime job right after school and have no energy by the time I'm home at night, and on the weekends I need to get things taken care of and I never hear the end of it unless he's with me every second. That's the only way he won't give me crap. He's even accused me of having another guy's "bodily fluids" on me when we were having sex when it was just mine, but he doesn't quite believe me. I can't even believe he would even think of something that crazy. I feel disrespected that he can't even trust me when I've done nothing wrong to make him think this way of me. If anyone has any advice on what I should do or say it would really help me out. Thanks so much

     
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    Old 12-09-2004, 06:52 PM   #2
    LittleRose1982
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    Re: boyfriend thinks I'm cheating

    It sounds to me like he has his own issues. It has nothing to do with you, but unfortunately you are receiving the negative end of it. He's very insecure and he can't trust. He can't deal with not knowing what you're doing when he's not with you. What happens is his mind just starts making up all these awful things you could be doing, and that's all he thinks about. It doesn't even occur to him that you could be doing nothing wrong at all. I know because I am in the same situation but on the other end of it. I'm paranoid 24/7 about my boyfriend and I can't deal with wondering what he's doing when he's not with me. What I mean is, my brain can't think that he's doing anything other than cheating on me. It's a problem in my head. I'm different though in that I don't tell him I have these thoughts. I don't want to hurt him or make him think I don't trust him... because as weird as it sounds I do trust him and I know he's not cheating. It's just the thoughts that won't go away. He needs help, and because he's open in telling you about his thoughts, you might be able to help him. Not alone... he needs to see a therapist and possibly get onto some kind of anti-depressant. But you can let him know that this seems like an issue he needs to fix within himself and that you're there for him through the process. That may offer him some comfort. But it all depends on you- are you willing to put up with this? You've got to make that decision, on how much the relationship is worth to you. Because it's really not that he doesn't trust or love you. It really is about the negative voices in his head that he can't get past or control.
    I have gotten mine somewhat under control, but it still throws me into a panic when I can't "see" every single thing my boyfriend is doing. I have a blockage that prevents me from accepting not being able to KNOW everything at all times. It's a form of OCD and it's torture.
    Once again, it's up to you to decide how much you want to put up with. It won't go away on its own. Especially if it's just getting worse.

     
    Old 12-09-2004, 07:58 PM   #3
    promisez
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    Re: boyfriend thinks I'm cheating

    He may be 25 but he sure has some MAJOR trust and control issues. It's only a five month relationship, take a six month break from him so he has time to work on himself, not focus his frustrations on you.

     
    Old 12-09-2004, 08:27 PM   #4
    healthseeker
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    Re: boyfriend thinks I'm cheating

    I think I would run before it gets worse...if this is what he is offering up in just 5 mo then think of where it could lead later! Cut your losses and move on before you throw away several years of your life.

     
    Old 12-09-2004, 08:33 PM   #5
    Fizzickle
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    Re: boyfriend thinks I'm cheating

    You're going to have no space or time for yourself at all..

    And that's not a pleasant way to live.

    Bill

     
    Old 12-10-2004, 06:52 AM   #6
    sugarpye
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    Re: boyfriend thinks I'm cheating

    I have to say to a certain extent i agree with the posters but....being on the ohter side of this story like Little it just breaks my heart that due to my past realtionships and my family i am very fearful of going though something like cheating again....so it would just break me if he gave up that easily on me because of my hurt i am still feeling. What i suugest if perhaps find out why he is like this before doing anything....maybe he is jelous and possesive and maybe he has been hurt and is scared of being hurt again........i agree it takes its toll but i remind by bf every now and again that im still working on things and i need his help. be honest, open and reassure me........that may sound as if i dont trust him but in fact i have a hard time trusting feelings and people in general.

     
    Old 12-10-2004, 07:25 AM   #7
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    Re: boyfriend thinks I'm cheating

    Oh GOD does this guy sound EXACTLY like someone I used to date! Total control freak and even wanted me to take a lie detector test to prove I wasn't cheating! I wasn't allowed to go into a bar and look at another man or just say hello in passing. I had to stare down at the floor. He was a total idiot.
    And accusing you of having other bodily fluids on you? PULEEZEEE,,, Honey I would run to the nearest exit.
    Unless you have given him a reason to doubt you, I wouldn't put up with it.
    He has major problems and needs to get a grip. And something else,,,,not that your man is doing this, but I found out the reason my ex idiot was accusing me was because HE had been cheating on ME the whole time we were together!
    Beware and be careful - I would tell him to shut up or pack up. Life is WAY to short to put up with that type of stupid, meaningless nonsense.

    Last edited by susieq0726; 12-10-2004 at 07:25 AM.

     
    Old 12-10-2004, 08:50 AM   #8
    Gundam
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    Re: boyfriend thinks I'm cheating

    I'm just thinking out loud here ... but is it because he doesn't get enough sex with you ? You said you were a student & you have a full time job ... so not unexpected that you'd be exhausted every nite basically ...

    I bring this up, because men, not getting enough sex ... while not seeing GF often enough (or they think they don't), can stur up a lot of stupid thoughts. I have never accused my GFs of cheating ... but we all know ... lack of sex can be frustrating

    Having said that, of course no excuse gives him the right to accuse you this way.

     
    Old 12-10-2004, 09:38 AM   #9
    Music4All
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    Re: boyfriend thinks I'm cheating

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by healthseeker
    I think I would run before it gets worse...if this is what he is offering up in just 5 mo then think of where it could lead later! Cut your losses and move on before you throw away several years of your life.
    Follow healthseeker's advise! This is trouble brewing. Love is secondary to the emotions this guy is dealing with. There are serious insecurities going on here.

     
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