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    Old 01-02-2005, 02:43 PM   #1
    Anti Social
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    Question Not being able to let go/Obsession

    Hi...I was wondering whats everyones opinion on the difference between not being able to let go of somebody VS being obsessed w/ that person.

    Is it kind of the same thing?
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    Old 01-02-2005, 03:51 PM   #2
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    Hmmmm, that's a very interesting question. But they are too very different things. Not being able to let go of someone just means that you love them very much and can't imagine your life without their love - and if it is over you know you have to move on, but it takes time. Obsession is more when someone has made it quite clear that they don't want to be with you, very bluntly, and yet you keep harassing them to try to get them to change their mind - and you don't resolve to move on because you're adamant that it will work. I guess that there is a very fine line, but they also have 2 very different interpretations. I'd be interested to hear what others think on this one?
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    Old 01-02-2005, 03:56 PM   #3
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Anti Social
    Hi...I was wondering whats everyones opinion on the difference between not being able to let go of somebody VS being obsessed w/ that person.

    Is it kind of the same thing?
    All depends on how one looks at it..one can definitely be obsessed with someone and thus not let go. However...not letting go can be more of an emotional attachment or investment that causes one to hold on rather than being obessed. At times one may mistaken one for the other...but not letting go should correct itself over time or when something better comes along. An obsession only seems to grow stronger over time in my opinion...Goody

     
    Old 01-02-2005, 04:44 PM   #4
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    Hmm,both opinions make alot of sense.There is a very fine line & I agree that one may be mistaken for the other.
    Im kind of in a situation like that & am starting to wonder whats the difference LOL..Breakup's can sure mess w/ your mind!
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    Old 01-02-2005, 05:10 PM   #5
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    Tell me about it!!! It just takes time is all, and most importantly, acceptance. So many people go through the same feelings after a break up that it's hard to categorise it as obsession. It's just that you love someone so much it's hard to accept the truth and let go. (We can't ALL be obsessed can we? )
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    Old 01-03-2005, 08:58 AM   #6
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    Yea,it stinks being in that kind of situation.When the person youve been w/ for so many yrs just drops out of your life w/out another word drives you insane!
    Im not sure one can ever get over that..
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    Old 01-03-2005, 10:24 AM   #7
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    I agree, this is a very interesting question, one I've been thinking about myself.

    My bf brokeup with me about 4 months ago and I am having a very difficult time letting go. At the same time I obsess constantly about the whys, what I could have done differently, what I could do, etc.

    There have been times I thought I am indeed obsessing but I'm not sure. Not being able to let go or having a difficult time letting go is a form of obsession, isn't it? I'm not sure. I think constant thoughts about the person is obsession.

     
    Old 01-03-2005, 12:01 PM   #8
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    I'm not really sure if there is much of a difference. Maybe it's a function of time alone? I mean, perhaps after a certain amount of time not being able to let go of someone turns into obsession? I think if there is a line of distinction, it's a very fine one. For me, it's been 7 years since my "ex" dumped me, and I still cry every day, still think about him and the life he's living with his wife every day. But I think only becuase I have nothing else going on. I sit in front of a computer screen and shuffle papers or do editing all day, then come home, and go through the exact same routine, walk my dog, make dinner, watch tv, go to bed, every day. Perhaps I wouldn't be so obessed if I at least had someone to talk to in real life. But then would it turn into just not being able to let go until I met someone who made me forget about my ex? I think other issues also come into play. Because of a lot of things that happened in my past, I was really counting in this relationship to work. For one brief minute there, I got to be happy. I just was hoping I'd be one of those lucky people who gets to go through life not crying all the time, not being sad and alone, but who gets to be loved, have a family, gets to feel good, gets to be happy. So when it ended, it really wrecked me. Perhaps there are things in your past that you could deal with that would make the break up a little easier for you? I personally think there's no such thing as an incorrect feeling, only what you do with them. If you want to think about your ex every minute of the day, then that's what you want, and you should even give yourself permission to do that, for a while. But also keep in mind that the hands of time keep ticking, and every minute you dwell on your ex is a minute you spend unhappy over something beyond your control and that keeps you from "moving on", whatever that means. But as long as you don't stalk your ex, hound them, call, write letters, drive by their house all the time, then you can think and feel what you want, but make sure you don't cut your nose off to spite your face. Your ex doesn't know you can't let go or move on, and even if they did, they wouldn't care, because they have moved on. Drowning in your own sorry won't bring them running back, sorry they hurt you and wanting to do whatever necessary to make it up to you. Believe me. You're the only one who suffers, but I know even knowing that doesn't make it any easier to move on. I know, I'm a real great one with advice, but can't seem to apply my own advice to my own situation. I just hope you'll have better luck than I've had. I just don't want you or anyone to still be hurting a decade later. And if there's any way you can manage to do what I can't seem to be able to do, then that'd be a good thing.

     
    Old 01-03-2005, 03:09 PM   #9
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    My EX who was my best friend for 5 yrs broke up w/ me about 4 months ago b/c he "needs to take care of himself" & b/c "he doesnt want to answer to anyone".At first,he ignored me completley and just ran away leaving me there w/ NO EXPLANATION AT ALL!.Well,finally we started talking again and he gave me his reason for the breakup & basically said that he cant give me what I want right now.Blah blah blah...so for right now-we hardly speak & I guess im suppose to wait and see what happens..

    I believe I am not able to let go b/c I am still mad for him abandoning me like that.He just dropped out of my life like I never mattered & I cant understand why.I can understand that he needs to take care of himself and all but I am still very upset that he was able to just leave like that.

    Maybe down the road i'll be able to forgive him,definetly not now.
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    Old 01-03-2005, 03:29 PM   #10
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Anti Social
    My EX who was my best friend for 5 yrs broke up w/ me about 4 months ago b/c he "needs to take care of himself" & b/c "he doesnt want to answer to anyone".At first,he ignored me completley and just ran away leaving me there w/ NO EXPLANATION AT ALL!.Well,finally we started talking again and he gave me his reason for the breakup & basically said that he cant give me what I want right now.Blah blah blah...so for right now-we hardly speak & I guess im suppose to wait and see what happens..

    I believe I am not able to let go b/c I am still mad for him abandoning me like that.He just dropped out of my life like I never mattered & I cant understand why.I can understand that he needs to take care of himself and all but I am still very upset that he was able to just leave like that.

    Maybe down the road i'll be able to forgive him,definetly not now.
    I don't believe it's written in stone that you're "supposed" to wait and see what happens. You don't have to. Any man who would just disappear like that and then give you some lame excuse afterward when cornered, is a man with very little character and integrity. He's obviously someone who had little if any regard for your feelings and your life. The best thing you can do is hold your head up, be confident in the fact that he wasn't anywhere near good enough for you, and move on.

     
    Old 01-03-2005, 04:04 PM   #11
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    Being abandoned in any kind of relationship with no explanation has got to be one of the most painful situations one can ever endure!!! I must say that I have never had to experience that...a breakup that is expected or at least explained is painful enough but I would imagine that abandonment by someone you care for whether you're an adult or a child has got to leave one with some emotional scarring that must take some time to heal. Let's face it...when a relationship ends it's hard enough but with abandonment there is a good chance one is not given the opportunity for closure which is often essential in order for one to move on.

    I would imagine that when one is abandoned...they are left wondering how they could have done something different to have the other stay or question what they had done to cause them to leave. Many times the one that is abandoned is left feeling as he/she were in the wrong or did something to cause the abandonment when it is the farthest thing from the truth. The truth is that the one that left is in the wrong, the coward, the one who is heartless enough to do such a thing.

    Antisocial....I don't know how you will ever be able to trust this guy even though he has come back.....how can the heart learn to trust someone who had done such a thing. Most importantly please believe that you deserve the love and security of a good/healthy relationship and that letting go may be the best gift you can give yourself if it allows you to find what you truly deserve...Goody

     
    Old 01-03-2005, 04:45 PM   #12
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    I know that I dont have to wait around for him to want to commit again,but i'll always have that hope that it will happen again for us.I have to say though in his defense-he isnt a terrible,heartless person.If anything he has been(up until now) the perfect guy.He was there for me through everything and anything for 5 yrs-he was so concerned about me and my well being that he actually forgot about HIS own problems.Thats the cause for the breakup-he has to deal w/ problems he ignored while being in a relationship.

    The logical part of me knows that I cant be mad at him for wanting to get himself better,but my anger seems to get the best of me.I feel stupid for being upset w/ him that he left me to take care of himself.Its selfish of me and childish,but I cant help but feel abandoned by him.He just up & left after 5 yrs & seems not to care b/c he is so caught up in "concentrating on himself and himself only".

    Im not waiting around by the phone for his call & im not constantly praying that we will get back together,but he is on my mind 24/7 and if given the chance-I would get back together w/ him in a heartbeat.But I refuse to sit around and stop my life.
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    Old 01-03-2005, 05:30 PM   #13
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    I think not letting go is when you always love that person, but you don't necessarily tell them or make any kind of attempt to get back together. Obsessed is when you keep trying and refuse to believe that it's over.

     
    Old 01-04-2005, 01:07 AM   #14
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    Good call sleppy210!!! Hits the nail right on the head...
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    Old 01-04-2005, 07:09 AM   #15
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    Re: Not being able to let go/Obsession

    [QUOTE=goody2shuz]
    I would imagine that when one is abandoned...they are left wondering how they could have done something different to have the other stay or question what they had done to cause them to leave. Many times the one that is abandoned is left feeling as he/she were in the wrong or did something to cause the abandonment when it is the farthest thing from the truth. The truth is that the one that left is in the wrong, the coward, the one who is heartless enough to do such a thing.
    QUOTE]

    Goody,

    You always have such great advice and seem to have an incredable insight into relationships. The quote above is right on the money! It's exactely how it feels. It happend to me and many others out there. When it happens to you, you feel like you are the only person in the world who knows this kind of pain. I've been saying for four months that the man I loved broke up with me. He didn't. He abandoned me and has left me to wallow in my grief and wonder day and night what I did, what happend, why, etc. It takes an incredable amount of work, with yourself to get past this. Personally, I don't think I am obsessing. I am in pain. I've been hurt. It takes time to work this out and get past it. Your comments were TRUE.

     
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